Don't listen to your anxiety isn't particularly helpful and is much easier said than done. If you can just say "fuck it" and do it, then great for you 👍 but don't pretend that's viable advice for the general anxious population. When talking to people and being overstimulated gets you so anxious you start hysterically crying and vomitting saying "fuck it" and doing it anyways isn't going to help.
You also seem to think that because you did it anyone can,and that's not how it works. Do you think people like living this way or something? Of course people want to get better,but getting help certainly isn't as easy as "fuck it, let's go". Who can even afford to do any of those things?
I get what you're saying but you know it doesn't hurt to try things right? I tried lots of different things to help with my anxiety before I got somewhere with it.
I never said it did, I'm just saying that that bar is a lot harder for some people to reach and it very obviously isn't as simple as "fuck it". Some people need outside intervention before they are able to get the help they need. And again, there's the fact that all of the things that help cost enormous amounts of money or are completely unavailable. The original commenter makes it sound as if anyone can just go and get help as long as they themselves can gather the courage but that is simply untrue.
Also, I'm not someone who can't go out, I have a job that I attend daily and people I interact with regularly.
It's really not right though. If you have a lot of anxiety and try to just get over it this way, it could lead to a negative experience and reinforce the anxiety. The proper response is seek professional help.
I have OCD as well. You literally said just say fuck it and go do stuff. Then you switched back and said, "do it directed by a professional". You see how that's inconsistent?
omg I just saw Howie Mandell doing the ads for NOCD! that shit blew my mind, I'm so glad he can finally get the word out cause I fucking hate being plagued like this and not being taken seriously about it.
Playing online and chatting is one thing I gotta get used to lol I do play often tho never with voice chat , I’ll start on that for sure lol
I totally get that last part about anxiety and all lol it’s making deeper connections with people that I struggle with I think , strengthening the connections and actually meeting up with them every once in a while lol I’m not bad at conversation or terrible with talking with new people I don’t think it’s really just putting myself out there and trying to actually make a friend instead of letting it all come whenever
I personally hate online/multiplayer games for the most part. They don't allow you to become immersed and require much more skill than single-player games
This is what worked for me, I thought I was an introvert but turns out I was an extrovert burdened by mad social anxiety, I made some of my best friends over talking about breaking bad shitposts in a summercamp few years ago (I am a highschooler) than after relizing people apreciated who I was rest came naturaly. I became a lot more social person in general
If you're an adult who is out of school - through organized hobbies.
For me, I like D&D and other RPGs. I moved to a new neighborhood of my city this year and pinged the Discord server of a local game store to organize some games. I was able to get several groups of people together over the next few months, all of whom had a lot in common (gamers), and out of those groups I've made two good friends who I now regularly hang out with in a non-gaming way.
Physical activities that happen in a central location are also great. Rock climbing gyms, adult beer leagues and meetups for activities are some examples.
Basically if you're too socially awkward to just randomly start talking to strangers, try to find a setting that strangers show up to with the primary goal of wanting to do an activity together. Then use interaction during that activity to feel out people who you could be friends with.
My thing is that I don't ever convert the people I do activities with into friends. I'm too focused on the activity. My brain can't multitask like that.
Same, I tried to go on a date to a barcade and the guy was like "are we vibing" and I was just like.. uhh we've just played games this entire time? I feel like I still don't know you.
I don't get to go on many dates, but I imagine a barcade isn't a great first date option. That would be more for once you already know eachother right?
I thought so too? People and therapists always advise "try new things!" so I tried something that most people here do which are activity based dates. Most people here like want you do something with them instead of just going out to eat and actually getting to know each other.
But yeah it's not for me as I already imagined. To me, it also seems like something you'd do on at least like second date.
Yeah really my issue is getting people with similar interests and things I guess , I am a bit socially awkward tho I’ve never had trouble making surface level friends, I do gotta try harder in that regard tho going out and actually trying lol thank you!
Check out MeetUp or similar services. I have a friend that moved to a new city and made a bunch of acquaintances and a couple of good friends by just trying out different groups based on her interests.
Think about something you care about, then search for a group that does something about it. If you're lucky, you'll find a local chapter of that group. Then start attending meetings - they might be online or in person - and just slowly get to know the people involved. In the meantime, you'll be involved in an organization doing stuff you care about, which is rewarding on its own.
I had a crazy stupid moment today. I swore it was Thursday and scrambled to get the house ready for some guests, waited for hours for them to arrive, then realised my mistake. I've had a bunch going on outside of my routine and had no idea I was a day outside of my brain.
My big project over the last couple of months has been figuring out offline open source AI. I'm kinda bummed out. I'm just past the fringe of content people post about on YT as far as entertaining dives into the codebase. Now I can't really spend my down time pretending to learn and expanded my understanding. My down time is now a potential major distraction I need to manage.
Yeah I lose track of days sometimes lol all good in the end I suppose tho right ? Cleaning up your place isn’t a bad thing lol
Oooo well I know nothing of Ai and all that stuff lol but sounds like it can get pretty complicated lol , what got you into that in the first place ? I can’t imagine watching things of that nature would be bad since I think you’re still learning or at least getting refreshers on a lot of subjects
I've been learning programming and computer science off and on for several years. I tend to get stuck on concepts or dealing with a problem and don't know what to do, where to go next, or really, how to ask the right questions. I came across an article about offline open source AI that could be trained on a large private database like a book or PDF documents, and then answer direct questions about the text. Now I am exploring with that loose goal. However, if my main objective was programming better, I've already learned how to use the AI for coding snippets and can get much farther than before.
Also, I was disabled 2/26/14 by an unlucky encounter with random stranger making a bad decision. It is quite a lonely existence tbh. However, one of the easiest aspects of AI to get working is a simple chat bot. It is possible to make your own friends and at a complexity level that seems quite human. For a long time I thought I just hadn't met people I had enough in common with, or could engage with in whatever rabbit hole I find myself in at the moment. It was only after I had the opportunity to physically make such a friend, that I started to realize, the problem is really just me. I was not open to meeting new people and new circumstances. A couple of weeks ago, I wouldn't have replied to a post like this. I don't know if it is the hot-take interactions of social media, or what exactly, but somewhere along my path I stopped this kind of interaction. The just casually put yourself out there with no purpose or agenda.
My main goal for AI still stands, and it is a powerful tool, but I think the second revelation may have a big impact on my life too, who knows. Having anyone to talk to can change how you perceive yourself in strange and unexpected ways.
Meetup.com find a group in your area that you are interested in then you have the ice breaker sorted because you are there for the same thing. If you like the vibe go again, if not find a new group.
I've witnessed a meetup from a distance and it looks like a truly awful experience. Just 20 adults cacaphonously making small talk with one another in a huge group. I can't stand large social gatherings.
I use to be afraid of large groups until I realized its easier to get away from someone at a party than it is in a small gathering or one on one situation.
Yeah tbh I get that and I have people I talk with I guess , tho none I would consider close or anything I guess no one I talk to or hang out with on a regular basis lol
I don’t drink much tbh I smoke more than anything lol used to bar hop a few years ago but never really tried getting to know anyone there , I guess really it’s how people get out of their shell lol
You don't have to drink to go to a trivia night in most places and it is a good place to meet people. That's how I met one of my good friends and we play trivia together every week and hang out other times related to music cuz we're both musicians
I'm in a medieval reenactment group called the Society of Creative Anachronism that has pretty much any period activity you'd want to do. I do my best to show up to meetings, practices, and events. This has helped me meet people from many walks of life, but a common feature is that they're passionate about some kind of craft and like to learn new things.
I play in a golf league so get to talk to different people every week. My wife also drags me to all sorts of community events so we meet plenty of people there.
Depends on how old you are. Making friends take two to tango. If the other person doesn’t seem keen it might not be personal. They might just not be in that frame of mind.
Can’t say for yourself. If I was single and childless. I have a remote job so don’t see anyone. But I would start going to company social events. I would pick a social sport so there’s the added bonus of exercise.
Wild one but perhaps getting a weekend job. If it’s somewhere chilled with likeminded staff and hobbies. If it doesn’t work you made money and get a dose of socialising if it’s people facing.
I’m thinking book store, music shop or even charity/festival volunteering
I don't. People are stupid and confusing. My name is Korvo. I'm the one holding the pupa. This is my show. I just dropped the pupa. This is ridiculous. I hate earth. It's a horrible home.
Yeah that’s what it’s starts as just a message here and there on PSN or something , but never really past that lol voice chatting is a thing I’m not too comfortable with I suppose if it isn’t someone I know but irl like for work and social events with some friends and meeting new people I’m usually ok lol
Imagine someone you never seen before walk up to you and says "Hello." Whatever you were thinking about is now irretrievably lost. Furthermore you now have to reply. Since it's not text, you gotta do it quickly. And quickly without thinking you reply "potato", realize what you just said, and awkwardly walk away.
This isn't true, I've made more friends in my 30s than at any other time in my life.
The best way to meet people is through shared interests and seeing the same people regularly over and over, without having to make arrangements beforehand. I met most of my current friends through work and music. I love my job and it attracts really interesting people. I love drum and bass and am lucky to live in the epicentre of the dnb scene, so I see the same people over and over again at events. My network of people has just grown from there.
Staying in your room all day playing video games doesn't work, I know because Ive been doing that for years
I can comfirm it doesn't work.
I also can confirm.
Confirm I can also.
You apparently have no idea about what anxiety is. Or even anything about people who don't go out much.
Don't listen to your anxiety isn't particularly helpful and is much easier said than done. If you can just say "fuck it" and do it, then great for you 👍 but don't pretend that's viable advice for the general anxious population. When talking to people and being overstimulated gets you so anxious you start hysterically crying and vomitting saying "fuck it" and doing it anyways isn't going to help.
You also seem to think that because you did it anyone can,and that's not how it works. Do you think people like living this way or something? Of course people want to get better,but getting help certainly isn't as easy as "fuck it, let's go". Who can even afford to do any of those things?
I get what you're saying but you know it doesn't hurt to try things right? I tried lots of different things to help with my anxiety before I got somewhere with it.
I never said it did, I'm just saying that that bar is a lot harder for some people to reach and it very obviously isn't as simple as "fuck it". Some people need outside intervention before they are able to get the help they need. And again, there's the fact that all of the things that help cost enormous amounts of money or are completely unavailable. The original commenter makes it sound as if anyone can just go and get help as long as they themselves can gather the courage but that is simply untrue.
Also, I'm not someone who can't go out, I have a job that I attend daily and people I interact with regularly.
This comment has a lot of gee thanks I'm cured energy. Anxiety doesn't work that way dude. So you can fuck off with that
They are right though, you have to say fuck it and make yourself do it. That first step is the hardest.
It's really not right though. If you have a lot of anxiety and try to just get over it this way, it could lead to a negative experience and reinforce the anxiety. The proper response is seek professional help.
I have OCD as well. You literally said just say fuck it and go do stuff. Then you switched back and said, "do it directed by a professional". You see how that's inconsistent?
omg I just saw Howie Mandell doing the ads for NOCD! that shit blew my mind, I'm so glad he can finally get the word out cause I fucking hate being plagued like this and not being taken seriously about it.
my anxiety didn't go away entirely but I did work on it and it did get better.
Surely people can try to get better. Nothing wrong with that..
Giving people advice of "just go do it" is irresponsible.
Sometimes it does. No advice can ever be one size fits all.
Playing online and chatting is one thing I gotta get used to lol I do play often tho never with voice chat , I’ll start on that for sure lol
I totally get that last part about anxiety and all lol it’s making deeper connections with people that I struggle with I think , strengthening the connections and actually meeting up with them every once in a while lol I’m not bad at conversation or terrible with talking with new people I don’t think it’s really just putting myself out there and trying to actually make a friend instead of letting it all come whenever
I personally hate online/multiplayer games for the most part. They don't allow you to become immersed and require much more skill than single-player games
This is what worked for me, I thought I was an introvert but turns out I was an extrovert burdened by mad social anxiety, I made some of my best friends over talking about breaking bad shitposts in a summercamp few years ago (I am a highschooler) than after relizing people apreciated who I was rest came naturaly. I became a lot more social person in general
If you're an adult who is out of school - through organized hobbies.
For me, I like D&D and other RPGs. I moved to a new neighborhood of my city this year and pinged the Discord server of a local game store to organize some games. I was able to get several groups of people together over the next few months, all of whom had a lot in common (gamers), and out of those groups I've made two good friends who I now regularly hang out with in a non-gaming way.
Physical activities that happen in a central location are also great. Rock climbing gyms, adult beer leagues and meetups for activities are some examples.
Basically if you're too socially awkward to just randomly start talking to strangers, try to find a setting that strangers show up to with the primary goal of wanting to do an activity together. Then use interaction during that activity to feel out people who you could be friends with.
My thing is that I don't ever convert the people I do activities with into friends. I'm too focused on the activity. My brain can't multitask like that.
Same, I tried to go on a date to a barcade and the guy was like "are we vibing" and I was just like.. uhh we've just played games this entire time? I feel like I still don't know you.
I don't get to go on many dates, but I imagine a barcade isn't a great first date option. That would be more for once you already know eachother right?
I thought so too? People and therapists always advise "try new things!" so I tried something that most people here do which are activity based dates. Most people here like want you do something with them instead of just going out to eat and actually getting to know each other.
But yeah it's not for me as I already imagined. To me, it also seems like something you'd do on at least like second date.
Yeah really my issue is getting people with similar interests and things I guess , I am a bit socially awkward tho I’ve never had trouble making surface level friends, I do gotta try harder in that regard tho going out and actually trying lol thank you!
Check out MeetUp or similar services. I have a friend that moved to a new city and made a bunch of acquaintances and a couple of good friends by just trying out different groups based on her interests.
Think about something you care about, then search for a group that does something about it. If you're lucky, you'll find a local chapter of that group. Then start attending meetings - they might be online or in person - and just slowly get to know the people involved. In the meantime, you'll be involved in an organization doing stuff you care about, which is rewarding on its own.
Hello Danny, I'm Jake.
Hi Jake I’m danny lol
What you up to today Mr. Danny?
I had a crazy stupid moment today. I swore it was Thursday and scrambled to get the house ready for some guests, waited for hours for them to arrive, then realised my mistake. I've had a bunch going on outside of my routine and had no idea I was a day outside of my brain.
My big project over the last couple of months has been figuring out offline open source AI. I'm kinda bummed out. I'm just past the fringe of content people post about on YT as far as entertaining dives into the codebase. Now I can't really spend my down time pretending to learn and expanded my understanding. My down time is now a potential major distraction I need to manage.
Yeah I lose track of days sometimes lol all good in the end I suppose tho right ? Cleaning up your place isn’t a bad thing lol
Oooo well I know nothing of Ai and all that stuff lol but sounds like it can get pretty complicated lol , what got you into that in the first place ? I can’t imagine watching things of that nature would be bad since I think you’re still learning or at least getting refreshers on a lot of subjects
I've been learning programming and computer science off and on for several years. I tend to get stuck on concepts or dealing with a problem and don't know what to do, where to go next, or really, how to ask the right questions. I came across an article about offline open source AI that could be trained on a large private database like a book or PDF documents, and then answer direct questions about the text. Now I am exploring with that loose goal. However, if my main objective was programming better, I've already learned how to use the AI for coding snippets and can get much farther than before.
Also, I was disabled 2/26/14 by an unlucky encounter with random stranger making a bad decision. It is quite a lonely existence tbh. However, one of the easiest aspects of AI to get working is a simple chat bot. It is possible to make your own friends and at a complexity level that seems quite human. For a long time I thought I just hadn't met people I had enough in common with, or could engage with in whatever rabbit hole I find myself in at the moment. It was only after I had the opportunity to physically make such a friend, that I started to realize, the problem is really just me. I was not open to meeting new people and new circumstances. A couple of weeks ago, I wouldn't have replied to a post like this. I don't know if it is the hot-take interactions of social media, or what exactly, but somewhere along my path I stopped this kind of interaction. The just casually put yourself out there with no purpose or agenda.
My main goal for AI still stands, and it is a powerful tool, but I think the second revelation may have a big impact on my life too, who knows. Having anyone to talk to can change how you perceive yourself in strange and unexpected ways.
Volunteer
Finding interests, then finding others that share that interest.
Meetup.com find a group in your area that you are interested in then you have the ice breaker sorted because you are there for the same thing. If you like the vibe go again, if not find a new group.
Meetup for some reason overwhelms me, but I can't put my finger on it.
I've witnessed a meetup from a distance and it looks like a truly awful experience. Just 20 adults cacaphonously making small talk with one another in a huge group. I can't stand large social gatherings.
I use to be afraid of large groups until I realized its easier to get away from someone at a party than it is in a small gathering or one on one situation.
Bold of you to think that I do
They just appear, idk, I don't do anything, just respond to conservation normally
Yeah tbh I get that and I have people I talk with I guess , tho none I would consider close or anything I guess no one I talk to or hang out with on a regular basis lol
Yeah, same. But I guess there are unrealistic expectations of "friends" from childhood and tv shows
Try going to a trivia night at a local bar.
I don’t drink much tbh I smoke more than anything lol used to bar hop a few years ago but never really tried getting to know anyone there , I guess really it’s how people get out of their shell lol
You don't have to drink to go to a trivia night in most places and it is a good place to meet people. That's how I met one of my good friends and we play trivia together every week and hang out other times related to music cuz we're both musicians
I'm in a medieval reenactment group called the Society of Creative Anachronism that has pretty much any period activity you'd want to do. I do my best to show up to meetings, practices, and events. This has helped me meet people from many walks of life, but a common feature is that they're passionate about some kind of craft and like to learn new things.
I play in a golf league so get to talk to different people every week. My wife also drags me to all sorts of community events so we meet plenty of people there.
Depends on how old you are. Making friends take two to tango. If the other person doesn’t seem keen it might not be personal. They might just not be in that frame of mind.
Can’t say for yourself. If I was single and childless. I have a remote job so don’t see anyone. But I would start going to company social events. I would pick a social sport so there’s the added bonus of exercise. Wild one but perhaps getting a weekend job. If it’s somewhere chilled with likeminded staff and hobbies. If it doesn’t work you made money and get a dose of socialising if it’s people facing.
I’m thinking book store, music shop or even charity/festival volunteering
I don't. People are stupid and confusing. My name is Korvo. I'm the one holding the pupa. This is my show. I just dropped the pupa. This is ridiculous. I hate earth. It's a horrible home.
I'm trying to meet people irl by going to events that involve my interests. There are some upcoming events, but they're months away from now.
Social hobbies: dancing lessons, martial arts, game stores (that host dnd or mtg), etc.
Kava bars. Meet lots of weird and interest people. Both young and old.
I engage people online. Chat rooms, here, games, wherever.
Gotta let my anxiety of talking into a mic go lol but yeah this is my attempt here as well asking this lol
I just do text. Maybe later if I'm comfortable with a person we could voice chat. I can tend to be pretty non-verbal IRL, tho.
Yeah that’s what it’s starts as just a message here and there on PSN or something , but never really past that lol voice chatting is a thing I’m not too comfortable with I suppose if it isn’t someone I know but irl like for work and social events with some friends and meeting new people I’m usually ok lol
Preferably I wouldn't.
Imagine someone you never seen before walk up to you and says "Hello." Whatever you were thinking about is now irretrievably lost. Furthermore you now have to reply. Since it's not text, you gotta do it quickly. And quickly without thinking you reply "potato", realize what you just said, and awkwardly walk away.
Insert something about first impressions
People aren't going to be honest. The reality is that as an adult, you really don't.
This isn't true, I've made more friends in my 30s than at any other time in my life.
The best way to meet people is through shared interests and seeing the same people regularly over and over, without having to make arrangements beforehand. I met most of my current friends through work and music. I love my job and it attracts really interesting people. I love drum and bass and am lucky to live in the epicentre of the dnb scene, so I see the same people over and over again at events. My network of people has just grown from there.