A family friend came over one day. I was out by my car, having returned from a visit to the shops. I hadn't seen him in years, and he asks how I was. I responded with "Surviving", before saying something about my degree progress and stuff.
He goes a bit quiet and awkward, eventually making his way inside while I finished what I was doing.
I walked inside and walked past my parents talking to him. Then I remembered something. His partner was diagnosed with a brain tumour that had metastasised from breast cancer. I also remembered that a few days ago, my parents went to visit his partner in the palliative care unit because she lost the fight. I realised then that he clearly came around to tell my parents that she had passed away. She fucking died and I responded with "Surviving".
Reading this after the thread from that german kid wondering why Americans keep using racial qualifiers like white, black, etc really brings the point home.
My parents will always specify if the person they're referring to or telling a story about is black. So to help them see how pointless it is I will always specify when someone is white.
They never get it and they'll always pause the conversation "what does him being white have to do with anything? You said he was driving a Benz, that's normal for white people."
Like "Dad responses", these are just common cliche ways for white American men to respond to questions - in this case, "How are things going?"
In this case, the responses listed, while seemingly anodyne, are generally given out as a means of downplaying one's own troubles - "It's going" being "It's going badly enough that I don't want to talk about it in any more detail" - and "Hanging in there" being "I'm managing, but only barely."
So both, while not being a cause for alarm by a surface reading, are actually (commonly) given out when significantly distressed.
Unfortunately, I'm not the original creator of the post; you'd have to ask them for more droll observations of common American responses (and their deeper meanings) by race.
I am an American (sorry) and this doesn't seem like it should have anything to do with race.. "How's it going" is pretty commonly used across races in the US.
"It's going" for me isn't a positive response, but I'd say it's more neutral than anything. I wonder if age and/or region factor in. If my answer is something like "well, I'm still alive" that definitely means nothing good is going on (or, perhaps more accurately, I can't see the good because of all the bad at that particular moment).
The phrases (And the totally unnecessary racial qualifiers) may be but I'm pretty sure men are conditioned to suppress their emotions anywhere there's patriarchy, which is most places these days.
Lol I edited my reply to add mention of the odd racial qualifiers just as you wrote the same. Microblog format seems to encourage weird and inaccurate racial group roundup phrases like that. Black american men absolutely do this shit too.
My go-tos are: "Not too bad."
and 'I can't complain.'
At least where I was raised, it wasn't 'manly' to respond cheerfully or positively, and the person questioning you absolutely did not have any interest in your well-being and it would be awkward to describe how you were feeling and why you felt that way.
It's also possible to to shoot a 'Hows it going?' right back at them and cease interaction immediately.
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"I'm livin' the dream (and would like to wake up)" is a personal favorite of mine.
"Another day in paradise."
"well, someone's dream" is something I like to tack on the end haha
"Nightmares are dreams too"
So, here's a fuck up from earlier this year:
A family friend came over one day. I was out by my car, having returned from a visit to the shops. I hadn't seen him in years, and he asks how I was. I responded with "Surviving", before saying something about my degree progress and stuff.
He goes a bit quiet and awkward, eventually making his way inside while I finished what I was doing.
I walked inside and walked past my parents talking to him. Then I remembered something. His partner was diagnosed with a brain tumour that had metastasised from breast cancer. I also remembered that a few days ago, my parents went to visit his partner in the palliative care unit because she lost the fight. I realised then that he clearly came around to tell my parents that she had passed away. She fucking died and I responded with "Surviving".
Ooooooffff
Oh shit. Thank you for sharing this.
Why is this segregated?
Reading this after the thread from that german kid wondering why Americans keep using racial qualifiers like white, black, etc really brings the point home.
My parents will always specify if the person they're referring to or telling a story about is black. So to help them see how pointless it is I will always specify when someone is white.
They never get it and they'll always pause the conversation "what does him being white have to do with anything? You said he was driving a Benz, that's normal for white people."
"Still breathing"
"I'm here, aren't I?" (usually used at work)
Not sure I get it. So what is the answer if you're not white?
Like "Dad responses", whiteness is a state of mind 🧘♂️
Ok but I still don't understand the joke :(
Like "Dad responses", these are just common cliche ways for white American men to respond to questions - in this case, "How are things going?"
In this case, the responses listed, while seemingly anodyne, are generally given out as a means of downplaying one's own troubles - "It's going" being "It's going badly enough that I don't want to talk about it in any more detail" - and "Hanging in there" being "I'm managing, but only barely."
So both, while not being a cause for alarm by a surface reading, are actually (commonly) given out when significantly distressed.
Unfortunately, I'm not the original creator of the post; you'd have to ask them for more droll observations of common American responses (and their deeper meanings) by race.
I am an American (sorry) and this doesn't seem like it should have anything to do with race.. "How's it going" is pretty commonly used across races in the US.
The horrors persist but so do I
Oooo not sure I can use this all the time but I hope to remember to use once in awhile.
"I will overcome."
"I keep dragging myself along."
"Somehow, I remain alive."
"I will perish, but not like this, hopefully, not today."
"Everything is shit and I think we should all get a grenade and end it all."
... and other reasons why you don't ask a Lithuanian how's it going for them.
I’ve taken to saying ‘adequately, thanks’.
My Irish American family is a lot like this. One of my favorites that I only use with them goes something like this:
Getting old sucks, and I cannot in good conscience recommend it.
"Oh you know. How are you?"
"Moving forward at a rate of 1 second per second."
Usually at work, in meetings.
I like dropping, "It's not, but how are you?" an easy and more polite way of saying "you don't give two shits about me, so let's talk about you."
I do that way too often and.. I wonder if it's not a special kind of self poisoning.
It most undoubtedly is, but it keeps me from saying worse when I don't want to play fine.
"still breathing"
Personal favorite
"Somehow I've managed to remain alive."
My favourite is similar "I continue to live"
Alternatively: "Despite my best efforts, I remain alive."
the horrors persist, yet so do i
The horrors persist, so must I
"it is what it is"
My go to is "Ah yeah", which could mean I've not considered it, but also dodges me venting the stress I'm feeling. It's a win-win.
"sure is"
How's it going?
Haha, you know it!
What do I do if these are my go-to’s?!
"...Dealin'..."
Same as ever.
"It's going" for me isn't a positive response, but I'd say it's more neutral than anything. I wonder if age and/or region factor in. If my answer is something like "well, I'm still alive" that definitely means nothing good is going on (or, perhaps more accurately, I can't see the good because of all the bad at that particular moment).
Yeah for me it's the same as saying 'same old same old' or 'more of the same' or 'same shit different shovel'
"I'm above ground."
How's it going?
"Yeah not bad, stable downfall"
Not sure on which podcast I heard this
"Not too bad" so as to make them think not bad at all when really, it's bad, but could be worse.
I'm still alive.
"Relentlessly."
Is this a USian thing?
The phrases (And the totally unnecessary racial qualifiers) may be but I'm pretty sure men are conditioned to suppress their emotions anywhere there's patriarchy, which is most places these days.
You’re probably correct - but there are underlying reasons for such circumstances that aren’t all necessarily patriarchal.
I was mainly amazed that - apparently - all “white boys” can speak English. That’s, uh, not my experience.
Lol I edited my reply to add mention of the odd racial qualifiers just as you wrote the same. Microblog format seems to encourage weird and inaccurate racial group roundup phrases like that. Black american men absolutely do this shit too.
My go-tos are: "Not too bad." and 'I can't complain.'
At least where I was raised, it wasn't 'manly' to respond cheerfully or positively, and the person questioning you absolutely did not have any interest in your well-being and it would be awkward to describe how you were feeling and why you felt that way.
It's also possible to to shoot a 'Hows it going?' right back at them and cease interaction immediately.