What's something you can't buy ready made, but have to make at home?
For example, Marmite Crumpets don't exist. You cannot buy them at the supermarket. To be clear: you can buy crumpets, you can buy marmite, you can buy butter; but you have to assemble them at home.
If you walk into a breakfast cafe, they will happily serve you sausage / egg / bacon / french toast / bubble / squeak (whatever that is). But no marmite crumpets. If you ask them to make it, they will give you a very strange look. It's not typically offered. It's something you just have to make at home.
It is unbuyable. Any tourist who comes to the UK to try a Marmite crumpet would need to bring a toaster or an oven with them, or quickly befriend a brit and hope that they have all the ingredients at home.
It's not a secret. You just can't have it.
*munches into crumpet thoughtfully, and salivates at the juicy savory delight, whilst staring at you pityingly and condescendingly*
Anyway, what's something that I could never experience unless I made it myself in your local?
Here's something that you can't buy outside of Italy: mozzarella. I tasted proper mozzarella in Tuscany and it's nothing like the shit labeled mozzarella sold in supermarkets around the world, and for a good reason: real mozzarella has a shelf life shorter than Trump's attention span.
You mean those watery packets of cheese I sometimes buy aren't supposed to taste like watered down kangaroo testicles?
Look at the plus side: at least you know what kangaroo testicles taste like.
We have a deli here that makes fresh moz daily, you can find places that do it all over. Shelf-life really only keeps it out of supermarkets. The problem for many forms of cheese in many countries, and especially the US, is the requirements around pasturization. Completely changes the texture and taste. And for moz specifically, the lack of Buffalo.
Buffalo...sauce? Buffalo, New York? Buffalo the ungulate? I am confused
Buffalo the animal (I think it's water buffalo for mozzarella)
As the other commenter stated, Italian moz is made from water buffalo milk, which the US doesn't have. And unfortunately, it's not importable because it wouldn't survive the trip without pasteurization (and current risks of bird flu with less pasturized milks due to lax US handling laws). There are also laws in the EU about what can be called moz, which dont exist in the US (don't get cheddar lovers started).
US moz is made with cows milk, and while it can be very good when made fresh, most people find the Itallian version to be a completely different cheese, and much more applicable to the dishes it is served with in Italy.
In the US, American-Italian food has made shifts to items like chicken parm, etc, partly because of historic American tastes, but also because of what pairs better with the cheese.
All this to say, moz is good, in Italy and in the US. But they are very different cheeses.
Very interesting, I did not know that! Cool stuff
There are tons of places that have fresh mozz
Decent fitting clothes with deep pockets and quality fabrics with the colors i like
I dont understand why Jeans dont usually have deep pockets. Like who is designing this shit.
Me neither; after all, complaints about pockets are around everywhere. But at least i've learned how to deepen existing pockets. Next step will be how to create pockets
But they do?
I had to buy a lewis pair because tall people doesn't exist, and my stuff gets lost in the pockets.
To be fair, my monoprix jeans pockets are exactly 1/2 smartphone deep.
I feel like that's something only few people could actually make
True, but it's an important reason for many people to start to learn how to make their own clothes. It takes effort, but one can learn how to do this. And it used to be a very common skill. With today's junk on the market, we have a good enough reason to start learning.
I patch my old socks with older socks, if that helps. And I fix armpit tears with a rough stitch. That's about it.
I can sew, but finding decent fabrics is hard. Back in the 70s I made all my own clothes and I can still remember some of the fantastic fabrics I used: a ming blue paisley sateen cotton; a red denim (for a duffel jacket with a toning floral for the hood lining); a soft purple lightweight wool; a dark green raw silk; glorious Chinese rayon florals in rich colours. So much choice!
I had the same issue until I discovered MTailor. It's all I wear now. A bit more expensive but totally worth it.
I've only ever found one zip-up hoodie with decent insulation and pockets deep enough that my phone won't fall out of them if I'm not careful, and you better believe I'm taking good care of it.
A Twinkie weiner sandwich.
Weird Al invented this in 1989 in his movie UHF and it’s still not available in stores for some reason
For good reason. Wtf
Yeah some foods are too powerful for the general public to consume freely.
I need to rewatch that movie (and seriously, how great of an actor is Weird Al?)
Sounds like something you could get at a state fair
If I'm going to have a twinkie, I'll grill it (or toss it in the air fryer I have to try that) just enough until it starts to caramelize on the outside
YES CHEF that sounds unironically delicious
it is. some friends in college were getting together around thanksgiving for a turkey roast. i'm allergic to turkey so I intentionally misheard them and showed up with a box of twinkies. a tradition was born that day.
Isn’t a Twinkie partly chocolate?
You may be thinking of a ho-ho. Also made by Hostess.
The bed!
Trypophobia, apparently
The Marmite causes the eggs to hatch in your tummy 🤗
Marmite crumpets shouldn't exist!
What other cosmic horrors are you creating in your kitchen‽
we have a chicken stew that we make with barley and oats that sometimes has entire pieces of cartillage in it, if that helps
thank you
The British were so focused on whether they could, they didn't stop to think about whether they should.
You're right. Not without cheese.
Ha! We can get marmite and vegemite here in the states. And they're both fucking delicious when used right.
But, you can't get applebutter anything in the wild around here. Might be possible elsewhere, but I haven't run across it.
Not sure what is and isn't a thing elsewhere, but applebutter isa strongly spiced apple product used as a spread. It's sweet rather than savory. It typically features cloves, cinnamon and allspice as the main spices, in varying proportions. It is also fucking amazing.
But you won't find it in restaurants at all.
There is a great southern tradition of applebutter biscuits. Biscuits here, again in case it isn't known, are a fluffy, light, scone-like quickbread. And it's similar to your scenario. Places could offer that as a menu option and bring it to you. They could possibly make a deal for individual packets of it like exist for jelly, and bring that with biscuits. But nobody does.
It's one of those things that if you came over here, you can't find it in restaurants. Even worse, while you can buy commercially made applebutter (there's a few brands out there) they are all inferior to even mid tier homemade applebutter. So you can't even buy the experience the way people can at home. You can't just go out and buy Whitehouse applebutter and get the right texture and taste on your biscuits (or toast, or crumpets).
The commercially made options are all too thin for one thing. They don't spread like applebutter is supposed to. It's supposed to have a thick consistency, closer to something like a jam or preserve. The commercial stuff is also over-homogeneous and too finely textured. Homemade is going to have small chunks of softened apple as opposed to a blended texture.
The spice mix in store bought also tends to be both blander and too , I dunno, even? Homemade, you get layers of the spices. Store bought, you get one layer, there's no depth to it. Part of that is it being made in huge batches, and part is the longer time from jar to your mouth; so I can't say it's anything the makers have cheaped out on or anything. But it is not as good as what you make yourself (or someone's grammy makes).
Also, marmite and applebutter on toast is absurd in how good it is. The savory and salty bang of marmite with a spoonful of sweet, spicy applebutter on top will make you want to slap yo mama. I find marmite and vegemite don't do well on biscuits compared to toast, english muffins, or the like. Too much bread for it to really pop unless you do an entire spoonful, at which point it's too much.
Apple butter is an underrated condiment. I used to eat it on pancakes instead of syrup as a kid, and I put it in oatmeal and such as an adult. I don't have it often nowadays, but there's a place that produces it and other fruit butters nearby, and there's occasionally some other brands in stores and roadside shops.
For those that haven't had it, I guess imagine baked apples or an apple dumpling but reduced down so it is super concentrated into something spreadable.
Cracker Barrel gives you biscuits before they bring out your meal and you can request Apple Butter for them. I think usually they bring out sausage gravy.
I remember the apple butter being ok, but nothing like the homemade stuff cooked over a fire and stirred continously for 12 hours.
No joke? I haven't been to a cracker barrel in ages. I had no clue they offer it. Thanks :)
Yeah, it looks like they may charge for it now. It's $.50 on their online menu under extras.
Eey, I make apple butter! It's great. I do know some places you can buy it though...roadside stands! Farmer stalls or markets. Though those may be more common here, being the garden state. Still better making it at home, get to pick the apples and how much you let it cook down!
I’ve had apple butter single serve tubs at diners. It’s not as good as homemade but I can and have had apple butter biscuits at a diner.
Have you tried Branston pickle in a cheese sandwich?
No, but I'll be looking to see if I can obtain those. I really do love trying stuff like that. It doesn't always turn out that I like it, but even a bad experience is a good experience, if you dig.
Awww yeah, the Publix two towns over has it. And I looked at the ingredients, I think I'm going to love it
It is a unique taste, like how marmite is. I would say worchestershire sauce hints mixed with sweet and sour veg. Great with a sharp chedder cheese
I'm eager to try it. Roads are screwed here currently, but I'm making a trip in a few days, and getting some ))
That description makes me more hyped, btw. It sounds amazing.
Oh no. Gotta set expectations low, so you aren't disappointed :)
Oh, my fucking gods!
I'm taking a break from shoving a biscuit with cheese and the branston into my maw to say thank you.
This stuff is bonkers. Sweet, salty, tangy, hints of bitterness, and plenty of umami. It's like the perfect flavor bomb.
This stuff could remove chowchow from its throne as the most versatile pickled product. It's different from chowchow, and those differences are (I think) going to let it enhance more things as well as being amazing on its own.
Thank you so much for suggesting it!
Heh. Glad you liked it. It is unique for sure. I don't think I have tried chowchow.
Here in Louisiana it's pretty common
Its pretty dang common in the south! Youll find it along side every highway when travelling between states and Tennessee is pretty big on it
I can literally go to any diner around me and there will be individually packaged containers of apple butter, usually next to whatever little packages of jelly they have on offer. I'm sorry you've suffered without for so long not noticing them
Dude. Are you aware that the way you wrote that seems dickish as hell?
No? Wasn't aware I needed to police my tone in a discussion about apple butter. The person I wrote it to seemed to really like it, so I was sorry they went so long not noticing it is, in fact, everywhere. I'm not sure exactly what part of my comment is setting people off, but it's cool I guess.
Eh, there is a limit to how much any of us need to worry about tone for sure. That's why I asked rather than assuming you were being a dick on purpose.
But the phrasing definitely comes off more sarcastic than sharing a regret about not having a chance to enjoy something.
No worries, you say you were being genuine, I believe you :)
That being said, it isn't everywhere. It's obviously not common in my local area, since I wouldn't have made the comment if it was. That could be put off to rural and semi-rural areas not wanting to spend on those individual packets for another product. But it is also true of the nearest cities to me that I've spent enough time in to have sampled all the country food friendly diners and such. I wouldn't expect to see it at something like a chain restaurant normally (though apparently cracker barrel does offer it!), but the kind of short order, soul food, and country cookin places, it's definitely not the norm here. I've asked places if they have it before, so it isn't like they had it but didn't bring it automatically.
Peanut butter toast
But you can get that at any restaurant?
I've never seen it on any menu.
While you can go to a restaraunt/cafe and buy pancakes. I havent found a premade packet version that just needs warming up that isnt absolute shit.
Give me fresh or give me death!
Trader Joe's has some fire freezer pancakes
trypophobia image
sorry, not intentional
It's ok, the post doesn't bother me and i don't have trypophobia. The reason why i made the comment is that it just reminded me of those images with holes and also i have never seen crumpets before
TIL https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trypophobia
Coffee. I used to be a coffee fiend, I drank up to 12-13 cups a day, and only stopped because it was worsening my anxiety. I live in a coffee producing country and learnt how to make a good cup in an espresso machine, even got all the doodads to make the process standardized and get the exact same cup every time.
I can only drink coffee made by select hands now. Everything else tastes like jet fuel, and it's worse when travelling.
That sounds like an intense relationship you have with coffee. I have to admit, 2-3 a day and I get palpatations and am unable to sleep. I rarely drink it for the flavour
Oh I needed it for college. I was impatient and pushed myself too hard during my last 2 years, some weeks I slept fewer than 10 hours collectively.
I've since cut it almost entirely, and because of that my usual cup gives me the jitters. I still love coffee and would like nothing more than having one in the morning and one in the afternoon, but my body can't take it anymore (nor can my mental health honestly). Aging sucks, lol.
Outside of the caffeine and kidney stone issues you must've been peeing every 30 minutes
Pretty much, lol
I make sure to never get attached to one brew so I can drink it anywhere, anytime. I'll drink instant without hot water if I need to (and not just frappe.)
That's... Probably not a bad idea, lol. I got too used to good things.
The sad thing is that it is buyable but not in places below like 200k population. In Europe idk how far third wave type coffe got everywhere else but I'd imagine in international cities it's largely available all over the world.
It's frankly insane how different a specialty coffe place is from a Caffe. And how many specialty coffe places there are in big cities/ university towns.
The provinces seem to not be able to sustain good coffe unfortunately. Unless there is someone who doesn't care about the balance sheet.
Vegemite and raspberry jam (“jelly“) on toast. Probably works on crumpets too.
Listen here you little shit...
I believe the correct vernacular is "Oi Cunt!".
Children.
Technically... you could buy them premade
My second kid was made at a Great Wolf Lodge in Sandusky, OH.
It sounds like it was quite the effort
Not much to it on my end. As a male, that is.
Dang, my condolences to your partner.
It's not like it was a Motel 8.
But maybe it should have been, maybe it should have been...
You don't need to be at home to make them; it's just more socially acceptable than in a cafe.
Are hotels in the UK not equipped with toasters?
No, just a shitty kettle.
You’re supposed to wash it out after you shit in it
I would never. The next guest would want to savor my peaty aroma and be awed.
you love the sweet plastic taste and you know it!
You're just not looking hard enough. This was the first hit when I searched.
When you're right, you're right.
Bake him away toys.
This question is very regional, so I could list a ton of things. For instance since I'm not in the UK, crumpets would be on my list (send me some please).
Speculoos and jelly sandwiches. It's possible they serve that in Europe somewhere, but you could never find that served in the US.
I'd like to be proven wrong though.
That sounds like a belgian thing. It's gingerbread dust?
Sorry for not being clear, I meant the speculoos butter spread, most commonly Biscoff butter.
Chunky speculoos spread and strawberry spread is the way to go. I need to try it on brioche one of these days.
Ah yeah. I bought a jar of that once, and it's uh, still in the cupboard as I've found the taste just too strong
But jello food is more a US thing?
Jelly is what we call fruit spread made without the skins of the fruit. It's like jam but made into a clear gel with the fruit juice only.
Ah. We call it Konfitüre all the same.
You've set the bar way too low. You can't buy peanut butter toast in grocery stores, either.
I would have said the same thing about PB&Js, too, except society is so depraved now that that's no longer true.
Avocado shake, at least in the western world. Unless you come across one at an asian shake/milktea shop, and even then, that menu item is rare.
What is this defined as? I feel like we have them here, but they're more like smoothies so I'm guessing this is different?
How do you make it?
Shake an avocado till it's ready
But you have to ask it nicely first
Food that is actually spicy. I know it is available at some locations on earth, but I do not live within 500 miles of any of them. The only place near me that even offers a legit hot sauce is a food truck and that one is still a bit tame.
I’ve never seen sourdough French toast at a restaurant and it is literally the best bread to use. The texture holds up well to the egg dunk and the funky sourness complements the otherwise cloyingly sweet dish. Even better, instead of syrup I use salted irish butter, making it a savory dish with a hint of sweet cinnamon.
Properly cooked hash browns. It takes too long for a restaurant to do it.
Disagree, mcdonalds does it perfect and I will die on this hill, or fight in this trench. Also their coffee is great. I am not paid by mcdonalds to shill their awful products
IMO a hash brown patty from Trader Joe's is far better if it's skillet-fried at home with a little bit of oil. It's also far cheaper if you don't need to eat on the go.
Their breakfast steak patty sandwiches though, no place makes it like them and I absolutely love them. I wish they made burgers with their steak patties, but that probably won't happen.
Yet you brought them into existence. May god have mercy on your soul.
I didn't invent them. I was born into them, molded by them.
Maple Walnut ice cream seems to be impossible to find in stores outside of New England
Lots in Canada
Widespread in Germany.
Send it here!
Brother, we have all of those ingredients everywhere. We have a little British store run by expats who could get whatever packaged crumpet you use. Shit, I can make a batch of crumpets in about 15 minutes.
It's not like a crazy recipe that needs balanced flavors to be done right. Like I've never had a good poutine outside of Quebec. It's always sad beige gravy with the wrong seasonings or mozzarella or frozen fries or all of the above. It is never right.
What we can also talk about is local places making local dishes but they do it wrong and cheap or "good enough" and people come from abroad and try the dishes and think they're mid because they went to the wrong place.
TL;DR: I love poutine.
/Rant
We're talking British cuisine here
I had poutine at random place in Edinburgh which a Canadian friend said was the best poutine he'd had outside of Quebec. "Still shit though", in comparison to in Quebec
Down the Hatch?
Maybe most of the food is based in the ideals of what we want it to be, but the reality is the ingredients and the people who cook of your region.
I had a fish finger sandwich for lunch in a pub near Inverness last month, it was delicious.
horrific, you get a pass
Stuffing and mashed potatoes.
Most places have their stuffing way to moist. I want stuffing, not bread that looks like it was dropped in water. Boxed stuffing shouldn't even be sold. It tastes like garbage.
Get some bread. Tear it up. Let it dry. Add some chicken broth. Add some seasoning. That means go to store and buy the different seasonings. Like garlic powder. Sage, thyme, etc.
Then put it on the oven. The moisture comes from gravy.
Mashed potatoes... Yeah most times people add way to much to the mashed potatoes.
Edit and for the gravy that means you make a chicken or a turkey you get the broth and you make the gravy.
in many places the stuffing is moist hecause itbus cooked in the actual bird
The Cannibal Sandwich, which doesn't actually use human flesh, but is also not a sandwich. Anyway, you take a slice of rye cocktail bread, spread on some raw, ground beef, then top it with some sliced onion, salt, and pepper. You can't get it ready-made, because nobody likes e. coli or salmonella poisoning. In fact, you have to make special arrangements to get the beef ground by a butcher in a clean grinder, and pretty much eat it the same day.
Though you can get aperitives and stuff with raw ground beef in European countries. More strict food safety laws and whatnot.
That sounds like something you need insane amount of trust to eat it, like tartare.
Oh now that's something I want to try
Like beef tartare on rye bread?
Salt soup
Food I want to eat
Marmite on Weetbix.
Ingredients:
Method:
Select a choice looking compressed wheat brick, apply a thick layer of butter, spread the Marmite across the layer of butter.
This was a common school snack when I was growing up.
I'm gonna try this. Does the brick need to be wet or toasted?
Nope.
Weetbix is a dry brick of wheat.
Bix
But isn't it better soaked in milk first?
When eating for breakfast, yes.
Not great in the lunch box, with the milk sloshing around and all
the other kids laughter was actually jealousy, he told himself
_
To quote a fictional character, Raphael says to Casey Jones from the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie;
cricket?! Youve gotta know what a crumpet is to understand cricket!
Edit: fixed who said the line. Cant believe i got it wrong!
He's right you know
Well ill trust you so that i can say, i do now lol
I could be mistaken but didn't Ralph say that to Casey Jones?
... Actually i think you are correct. Good catch friend
Some cafes will do it - not as standard, but a few - maybe try the ones trying to be 1-up from a greasy. https://seahousescafe.co.uk/the-breakfast-menu
As will many hotel breakfasts, there's often little single serving marmite things in with the single serving jam packets. I'd say about half the hotels i've stayed in with decent cooked breakfast have had it on offer.
I've also seen it in little roadside food van / trailer type things too.
Anyway, you want sainsbury's yeast extract instead of marmite, it's way gloopier and nicer tasting.
It just sounds wrong but I'll be on the lookout
Jam that doesn't get moldy. Store-bought jam is usually made from freeze-dried powder (supply-chain effects) while mold doesn't like the acids in real jam. Learned that the hard way after i moved out from parents farm.
Boiled children's feet