Once wrote a series of short stories about fantasy creatures living and working in a warehouse. My favorite were the weekending ghosts, who haunted a manor through the week, but took weekend trips to haunt the warehouse on Saturdays and Sundays to get a break from it all.
Sadly not. Probably the best thing I've ever written. Several hundred pages. But they were written on old security log sheets (written as log entries while bored doing night shift security at a warehouse), and they ended up lost or destroyed when I moved. I've considered rewriting them, though.
It was a fun way to pass the night shift. I would do 2 or 3 twelve hour log sheets per shift, over the course of a few years. My favorite characters were the vampires who sat shiva for themselves, based on a concept from my 2005ish Myspace girlfriend. Lol. Every time they uncover the mirrors and there's no reflection they start the process over.
Yep! Well, not mine. Owned by a massive German company. But I worked there for several years, and reported on the weirdness my coworker/friend and I experienced in a funny and lighthearted way. One of the reasons I don't think I can recreate it, though, is that I have a terrible memory. I can recall the broad strokes (the freakishly large beetles, the weekend hauntings, et cetera, et cetera), but there were characters in it based on coworkers and clients and I don't think I can recreate those anywhere near accurately.
Circa 2008 the wikipedia entry for vampire bat claimed that their teeth were like this. archive.org didn't capture it at that time, but another page copied the whole thing: https://www.mundoandino.com/Argentina/Vampire-bat
The bats incisor teeth are hollow, allowing them to suck blood in through the teeth like a straw, the saliva has several ingredients that prolong bleeding.
My favorite thing about this is: where does the blood go once it hits the top of the tooth? Into the gums? Into the sinuses? Out the back of the tooth and into the mouth, removing the need of a straw in the first place?
If it does go out the back of the tooth i wouldnt say that removes the need for a straw. Its like a siphon tube into a gas tank, but the tooth goes directly into the vein/artery and acts as a conduit for the blood so it doesnt spill everywhere or require a perfect suction seal with the lips.
I think there's been a shift in media here over the years. Older vampires, the formalwear "I vant to suck your blaaaad" types, often have very long teeth and leave only a couple of punctures after biting someone. It's pretty reasonable to assume these are actually drawing the blood through their teeth like little syringes.
Then as time goes on, vampires have gotten grittier and gorier. We've gone from beautiful damsels with tiny pinpricks on their necks, to staight up cannibalism. Vampires now just fuckin eat people sometimes. Somewhere in between, we did get a phase of vampires biting open the neck with a big gush of blood, and the now classic image of a vampire with blood all over their lower face. At this point it's clear they're just drinking it normally.
I'm confident that the "I want to suck your blood" line there is a reference. It's an old misattributed quote from Bela Lugosi's appearance as Dracula.
In Reno in the 90s there was a real-estate company called Draculich Reality, they had signs in lawns a lot, and every time I saw one I immediately thought ''I vant to sell your house!''
The Swedish radio show "Christer" called up the ambassador of Romania somewhere around 2014 (IIRC) to pop the question, and he confirmed the teeth were like straws.
In the Billy and Mandy documents a elderly Blackula is incensed when he is accused of sucking blood, he elaborately explains that vampire bats, as well vampires don't suck blood, they scrape and lick.
Lmao. I'm not an expert on either docking or sounding, so if one comes along I'll defer. Lol. But also, I doubt you're the only kid who thought that. When I was much, much younger than 14 and learned about gay folk (before realizing I myself was gay folk) I didn't understand the issue, because I didn't realize sex played into it. I just thought a relationship/marriage was two people raising kids and makings dinner and shit. Lol. Didn't understand why you'd go to hell for that being two men or whatever.
Kids understand things on a very basic level, which sometimes allows them to see through the societal bullshit that complicates life. Sure you were wrong about sex, but overall you were right.
The opposite of that is kinda how I thought tattoo machines worked as a kid- as in with hollow needles and an ink cartridge, like fountain pens, and each poke into the skin would deposit ink that way. I even 'figured out' that the tiny vacuum from pulling the needle out would be what pulled the ink down into the skin.
When I found out how tattoo machines actually worked, it seemed so messy (and loud!).
IKR? But yeah, nah, tattoo machines are basically a motor that pumps the needle up and down, and you have to dip it in ink to transfer it into the skin.
Tattoo needles are more like the nib of a fountain pen than a syringe; the ink isn’t shot down through the needle, but suspended at the end of it when an artist dips the tool into a well. Then, when the tip of the needle pierces a hole in the recipient’s skin (both the epidermis and the dermis beneath it), capillary action—the same force that makes liquid creep up the sides of a straw—draws the ink down into the dermis.
Well, venomous snakes do have hollow teeth, but they work in reverse. This makes sense since there are venom glands, but sucking blood upwards would make it go....where? Funny to think about.
Never questioned this until about 15 seconds ago…
They definitely do, as that was my thought too
They're fictional, so I guess they work however the writer wants them to.
I want them to work in a warehouse. I smell A sitcom!
https://m.imdb.com/title/tt7908628/
Not a warehouse but You are in for a treat!
I was hoping for this and was not disappointed
It took a while to load on my phone and the longer it took the bigger my hope and smile. Big relentless reward now.
Best show ever.
I'm a few seasons behind on that I don't know why
Once wrote a series of short stories about fantasy creatures living and working in a warehouse. My favorite were the weekending ghosts, who haunted a manor through the week, but took weekend trips to haunt the warehouse on Saturdays and Sundays to get a break from it all.
Can we read these stories anywhere?
Sadly not. Probably the best thing I've ever written. Several hundred pages. But they were written on old security log sheets (written as log entries while bored doing night shift security at a warehouse), and they ended up lost or destroyed when I moved. I've considered rewriting them, though.
The premise sounds fun, and apparently it's informed by experience, so I hope you do!
It was a fun way to pass the night shift. I would do 2 or 3 twelve hour log sheets per shift, over the course of a few years. My favorite characters were the vampires who sat shiva for themselves, based on a concept from my 2005ish Myspace girlfriend. Lol. Every time they uncover the mirrors and there's no reflection they start the process over.
You should. It sounds pretty great.
So it was your warehouse they were haunting. Always write what you know about.
Yep! Well, not mine. Owned by a massive German company. But I worked there for several years, and reported on the weirdness my coworker/friend and I experienced in a funny and lighthearted way. One of the reasons I don't think I can recreate it, though, is that I have a terrible memory. I can recall the broad strokes (the freakishly large beetles, the weekend hauntings, et cetera, et cetera), but there were characters in it based on coworkers and clients and I don't think I can recreate those anywhere near accurately.
Why not inside a werehouse? 🏚️🌕🐺
Vampire anatomy expert here.
They are totally like straws. You were dead on.
I thought the same thing. Glad I was right all along
I am here for you. You can know that you're right by me telling you so.
Ex Vampire here: That's what I woulda did.
Dead on: apply directly to the foredead.
Typically the neck or inner thigh are better bite spots but if you can get a good grip on the head it will bleeeeeed
Oh right.
👀
Unless they’re referring to the bat, who’s to say otherwise? The lore police?
Circa 2008 the wikipedia entry for vampire bat claimed that their teeth were like this. archive.org didn't capture it at that time, but another page copied the whole thing: https://www.mundoandino.com/Argentina/Vampire-bat
My favorite thing about this is: where does the blood go once it hits the top of the tooth? Into the gums? Into the sinuses? Out the back of the tooth and into the mouth, removing the need of a straw in the first place?
I assumed they were basically reverse snake fangs
Diagram
One is the venom tooth and one is the straw tooth.
So it goes into a glad/reservoir in the head somewhere...then?
That's my thought, that it's essentially pulled into the poison glad sac
Except connected directly to the stomach
If it does go out the back of the tooth i wouldnt say that removes the need for a straw. Its like a siphon tube into a gas tank, but the tooth goes directly into the vein/artery and acts as a conduit for the blood so it doesnt spill everywhere or require a perfect suction seal with the lips.
I think there's been a shift in media here over the years. Older vampires, the formalwear "I vant to suck your blaaaad" types, often have very long teeth and leave only a couple of punctures after biting someone. It's pretty reasonable to assume these are actually drawing the blood through their teeth like little syringes.
Then as time goes on, vampires have gotten grittier and gorier. We've gone from beautiful damsels with tiny pinpricks on their necks, to staight up cannibalism. Vampires now just fuckin eat people sometimes. Somewhere in between, we did get a phase of vampires biting open the neck with a big gush of blood, and the now classic image of a vampire with blood all over their lower face. At this point it's clear they're just drinking it normally.
So vampires have become sloppier and more impatient. The new generations I swear /s
Fucking vampires these days. I swear, one day I'll go Blade on all of them...
That line from my name is Earl has also stuck with me for all the years. You are not alone!
I'm afraid you might be because I have no idea what that is :D
Oh no :'(
anyway, here's the clip
https://youtu.be/WCz7Sr6MCos?si=1sIqI1Hj38nRDW0V
It aired way back in the Olden times was a good watch then, don't know how well it holds up today.
No idea why that one particular line that was spoken once across the entire series resurfaces every now and again, but here we are I guess
I'm confident that the "I want to suck your blood" line there is a reference. It's an old misattributed quote from Bela Lugosi's appearance as Dracula.
In Reno in the 90s there was a real-estate company called Draculich Reality, they had signs in lawns a lot, and every time I saw one I immediately thought ''I vant to sell your house!''
The Swedish radio show "Christer" called up the ambassador of Romania somewhere around 2014 (IIRC) to pop the question, and he confirmed the teeth were like straws.
So there's that!
That is how they worked on the HBO show True Blood.
Like an angry woman
In the vampire documentary "Dead and loving it" distinct straw-slurping sounds can be heard so I think this is indeed correct.
However when I was a kid I totally thought vampire bats also do the sucky-sucky not the licky-licky they actually do.
In the Billy and Mandy documents a elderly Blackula is incensed when he is accused of sucking blood, he elaborately explains that vampire bats, as well vampires don't suck blood, they scrape and lick.
What made them change their mind? Pretty sure that’s always been part of the implication lol.
Isn't that how they insert the paralytic venom?
Venom? I thought they just mesmerized the victims with their eyes.
I was like 9 before they told me procreation didn’t involve a woman’s belly button.
well you are just an overgrown belly button
I think you might be confusing docking with sounding
Docking is foreskin play, inserting something into the urethra would be a type of sounding.
But if you can sound with an entire human cock, you're doing something pretty extreme shit
Lmao. I'm not an expert on either docking or sounding, so if one comes along I'll defer. Lol. But also, I doubt you're the only kid who thought that. When I was much, much younger than 14 and learned about gay folk (before realizing I myself was gay folk) I didn't understand the issue, because I didn't realize sex played into it. I just thought a relationship/marriage was two people raising kids and makings dinner and shit. Lol. Didn't understand why you'd go to hell for that being two men or whatever.
Kids understand things on a very basic level, which sometimes allows them to see through the societal bullshit that complicates life. Sure you were wrong about sex, but overall you were right.
Talk to people in their mid-50s and a lot of happy marriages have a fairly minimal sexual component.
But my point was that I was wrong, and my penis really hurts from putting all those other penises inside it :(
Dwight?
I'm 53 and never considered it to be different from that. Damn you OP. I have shit to do today and I'm gonna be running this shit on a loop instead.
Never have I ever thought otherwise until seeing this post...
Everybody knows vampires don’t suck, they scrape and lick!
That seems inefficient
The three-shell method
Wait, you're telling me they aren't?!
My whole life has been a lie...
I used to think this was silly but now pretty sure thats how it works now. Also vampire bat teeth look like metroid teeth
This brings me back! Jhonen is quite the artist
I also thought this.
Isn't that how the real blood sucking species do it?
(Bonus: lookup how cats of all sizes drink water)
Mosquito straw > Scrape and Lick
And here I thought "Dracula - dead and loving it" cleared up that topic. Of course they're hollow.
That's why they make that empty hollow carton sound when they finish sucking all the blood out.
Same
The opposite of that is kinda how I thought tattoo machines worked as a kid- as in with hollow needles and an ink cartridge, like fountain pens, and each poke into the skin would deposit ink that way. I even 'figured out' that the tiny vacuum from pulling the needle out would be what pulled the ink down into the skin.
When I found out how tattoo machines actually worked, it seemed so messy (and loud!).
That's not how they work?
IKR? But yeah, nah, tattoo machines are basically a motor that pumps the needle up and down, and you have to dip it in ink to transfer it into the skin.
I looked it up:
Source: https://www.popsci.com/how-tattoos-work/
I thought that exact same thing about snakes.
Well, venomous snakes do have hollow teeth, but they work in reverse. This makes sense since there are venom glands, but sucking blood upwards would make it go....where? Funny to think about.
Into the vampire's bloodstream? That's why they're always so pale, they crave that transfusion...