That, and people become economicly dependent. They tried UBI when Nixon was president (I know right) and it was considered a failure because the divorce rate went up. What later studies showed was that the divorce rate went up because women in abusive or dead end relationships were finally empowered to leave the spouses they had become depend on.
Don't forget the abortion angle, combined with the healthcare and housing angles. Add in the poor public education angle and you've got a vicious cycle creating dependence on men and new generations of people with fewer resources to avoid getting caught in that cycle themselves.
Also just the assumption of gender roles where women are expected to still be stay at home moms while mem are expected to provide, which is far more entrenched in the south, it's actually a religious commandment to them.
People change, sometimes drastically. But also people can pretend to be someone they are not. I know a few people who had to experience this kind of thing. Really fucks up your trust in people and your own judgement.
She moved in and adopted my whole personality. Naturally, her own personality was fighting to surface and a person can’t bury who they are forever.
After more than a decade, she just lost it. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced, and you’re spot on about it fucking up trust in other people. It doesn’t have to, but it does take work.
In the middle of the chaos that was the collapse of my entire life, I remember one line from a letter she wrote me. “I feel more like myself than I have in a very long time. I know that’s probably hard for you to read.”
She had BPD too, so for three years, one moment I was god, the next she was sitting up in the bed at the end of an overall great day and saying, “I’m sorry. I just don’t love you anymore.”
She wanted nothing to do with me until I found someone else. She lost her damn mind, tried to kill herself, ended up hospitalized for mental health. That got her family involved and we had to fight them for our kid in court. It’s crazy how easy it is for a family member to kidnap your child. They told the magistrate that I held my family hostage with a knife, got a restraining order, and I just had to wait until court knowing that our daughter was scared to death and living through a nightmare on top of a nightmare.
Somehow, the woman I’m with survived all of that chaos with me. I figured she’d get tired of me driving out in the middle of the night over and over again to make sure my ex didn’t actually hurt herself.
Once she got to be herself though, she was alright. She met someone more like her. She went from laying in bed all the time hating herself and her life to taking care of things that she couldn’t before. She never got a drivers license and she was finally able to do that. She never cleaned and when I worked a lot our place was trashed, but her last place was immaculate. Poor girl died of breast cancer 4 years after we split. I wish she had left me years before honestly, so she’d have had a chance to really live.
Life is a mess. Some people do make it hard to trust other people, but we have to carry on and do our best. We’ve gotta work so that problem isn’t everyone else’s problem.
I have done my best to keep from carrying all that baggage into the relationship I’m in. I do my best to encourage her to just be herself. We get one short life, and I don’t want to have a hand in ruining it for anyone. Go see your friends, go be with your family. Don’t sit here alone because I do. Keep building your life outside of me. Maintain something of the world you lived in before you moved to ours.
Sorry for the book. I guess I needed to spit it out of my head again. I could write on this topic for several years straight and I still wouldn’t run out of shit to say about it. :p
You should write a book about it. You have a good, simple style thats easy to read, easy to understand. It would likely be cathartic to write and could help others.
BPD took a decade from me too. Been healing for a few years. Was able to protect my kid. Lmk if you need an ear from someone who understands. I'm the guy who all my mom friends introduce to their other dad friends who are going through breakups with mental illness. It's a thing 🤷 You're not alone.
People can also marry someone for reasons that they think are positive, but end up being a horrible negative. Sometimes people marry someone because the other person is stable and takes care of things but then it turns out that they are extremely controlling too but it wasn't obvious until later on.
My partner's ex is like this. She claims that he used to be nice but I've only ever known him as an absolute failure. I can't imagine him as anything other than a vibrating ball of undirected rage. He spends most of his time being angry that he can't get a better job, but he's totally unprepared to do anything that might help him get a better job by getting training in something.
"Spinster" is still a thing in a lot of places. A woman who can't find a husband is looked down on. Also, those are the places where men who are 'weak' are looked down on. Community is a powerful thing, which is why so many LGBTQ kids flee their home towns as soon as they can.
my god you're right. it's astounding how subordinate women are down there. the life goal of around 80% OR MORE of those women is get pregnant before 20 and marry. it's sad and compounds a lot of problems. it's a swath of population the world would be better off without.
the rabbit hole is so deep down there. is it the oppressive religion that leads them all to be so problematic for society? maybe it's the shitty education? maybe it's the oppressive patriarchy? maybe the women want that hellish life as much as the men? is it the conservative culture?
in the end, you just kinda have to say to yourself "i don't know and i don't care. burn it all down"
I'm in the same place, I managed to escape and I see them trying to corrupt and destroy the rest of the country.
It's their elite, we needed to give the slave owners to their slaves and walk away, instead we kept them out of power for 10 years then let them go back as if nothing happened and got Jim Crow for 100 years, and brutal corruption as they took every dollar of federal money not nailed down.
Until the southern good ol boy network is destroyed they will try to destroy America because they see themselves as the only true Americans.
Not me, I am using a clean session in Firefox Focus on a VPN specifically to avoid results tailored to me. I'm very careful about what I search for on Google while logged in.
I’m on my phone, but this is what I got on a fresh Firefox Focus session (all history and cookies cleared) and startpage (proxied google search results). I’m assuming the query is coming from Ireland or something given the result at the bottom
I thought this might have been exaggerated, so I tested it out myself. I got as far as "Can my hu" before Google gave me a list of suggestions. At the top was "can my husband find out who I voted for."
I guess in one sense it's a good thing that this many people are trying to make sure that they can vote the way they want? In another sense...for fuck's sake. How the fuck are so many people so backwards???
I'm a bit confused and concerned about why people would think that their partner would be able to find out who they voted for. Isn't it well known that elections are private?
Learn how trending on Google works. Then realize that right under the voting thing on the list of suggested autocompletes is a question about being baptized by your husband.
Do you think tons and tons of women are Googling that, too? How many women do you think are out there who got baptized by their husbands?
According to google the trending suggestions is based on how broadly popular search queries are, with extra weight given to searches in a recent calendar period.
Okay, so women asking about their husbands baptizing them is right there in the top 5 suggestions beginning with that phrase.
Think for a moment about how many women you really think are actually googling that, and that'll give you an idea of how many women are actually googling this.
It really doesn't take a very high absolute number of people to make a Google search trend, especially when it's a search based on a headline that went viral during an election season.
My point is that you're username suggests objectivity, calm rationality and balance, but you're incredibly partisan, feeling-driven and pretty rude to people who criticise guess what? No, not science, not facts, not rationality, but Donald Trump, the science-denying idiot disgraced former president who is well known for using the word "truth" to mean things he likes to hear and "fake" for things he doesn't like to hear, the liar of liars, the king of untruth, and the toddler of emotional maturity.
So no, the fact that it makes you cross that lots of women are checking that their husbands can't find out how they voted, or even that Google thought they might, and that you're calling people names for thinking it might be happening, doesn't particularly convince me that this is not happening.
Stating a fact that favors one group over another isn't what it means to be partisan.
feeling-driven
I have never taken a stance here that was rooted in "feelings". I make a very active effort to draw my conclusions based on the evidence I have access to, and failing that, clear, consistent logic.
Show me where I've ever done otherwise, if you can.
pretty rude to people who criticise guess what? No, not science, not facts, not rationality, but Donald Trump
Who the target of a lie is does not affect my willingness to correct the lie. That's called having values, instead of a political team. That's what it means to be objective.
There is a lot of justified criticism to be levied against Trump, based on facts of what he's actually done. But there is also a lot of bullshit that's swallowed whole by people who don't care what's true, but will just accept, without scrutiny, anything claimed about him that's negative.
When I know something is inaccurate, I will say so. Who or what is inaccurate about, is irrelevant, to me. I'd just as quickly debunk bullshit about Harris, or anyone else if I saw it.
the fact that it makes you cross that lots of women are checking that their husbands can't find out how they voted, or even that Google thought they might, and that you're calling people names for thinking it might be happening, doesn't particularly convince me that this is not happening.
Pff, it doesn't make me cross, I'm simply bringing some facts to a table that's gone off the deep end with alarmism, clearly because they don't understand how trending algorithms work.
This is a manifestation of the exact same phenomenon as people thinking, for example, that there is more violent crime now than there was 50 years ago, based on the fact that they are exposed to so much more crime reporting now via the Internet than ever before. I'm the guy who's coming along saying "actually, all the evidence shows violent crime is way down now compared to then, your recency and exposure biases are just tricking you into thinking differently."
You're shooting the messenger trying to clue you in to the fact that your assumptions are clouding your judgement, nothing more.
Or, much more likely, it became a meme and most of the people searching it are doing so for the same reason you are, like everything else that 'goes viral' on the Internet in 2024.
Don't be so gullible.
P.S. Also in the top recommendations is "can my husband baptize me?" This is truly a situation that also affects millions upon millions of women. Or maybe Google trends don't actually mean shit in the real world.
I'm assuming this is about breast milk, but all I can think of is someone losing their absolute shit because their partner drank from the wrong carton of milk.
"I WROTE MY NAME ON IT, MICHAEL! MY NAME! IT'S MY PROPERTY! YOU'VE STOLEN A GLUG OF MILK! THAT'S ILLEGAL!"
Divorce rate may be too low.
It's that the marriage rate has been too high for a long time.
That, and people become economicly dependent. They tried UBI when Nixon was president (I know right) and it was considered a failure because the divorce rate went up. What later studies showed was that the divorce rate went up because women in abusive or dead end relationships were finally empowered to leave the spouses they had become depend on.
Successful experiment for them. Prove economic suppression was working to keep women abused carrying babies. Checked clipboard, doubled down.
And if women voted as often as they should this wouldn't be considered a political failure
it might be about to rise
Might be a good idea to divorce now before the conservative supreme court screws up that option too.
Not if Republicans get their way.
https://www.npr.org/2024/07/07/nx-s1-5026948/conservatives-in-red-states-turn-their-attention-to-ending-no-fault-divorce-laws
It's that large parts of the country are an absolute dystopia, all the jobs are either physically demanding, or service-related.
why is that related to divorce rates?
Women can't get the high paying jobs traditionally performed by men, making them financially dependent.
Don't forget the abortion angle, combined with the healthcare and housing angles. Add in the poor public education angle and you've got a vicious cycle creating dependence on men and new generations of people with fewer resources to avoid getting caught in that cycle themselves.
Also just the assumption of gender roles where women are expected to still be stay at home moms while mem are expected to provide, which is far more entrenched in the south, it's actually a religious commandment to them.
How the hell are people married to people they are so afraid to share their beliefs and opinions with?
People change, sometimes drastically. But also people can pretend to be someone they are not. I know a few people who had to experience this kind of thing. Really fucks up your trust in people and your own judgement.
My ex. Jesus Christ man.
She moved in and adopted my whole personality. Naturally, her own personality was fighting to surface and a person can’t bury who they are forever.
After more than a decade, she just lost it. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced, and you’re spot on about it fucking up trust in other people. It doesn’t have to, but it does take work.
In the middle of the chaos that was the collapse of my entire life, I remember one line from a letter she wrote me. “I feel more like myself than I have in a very long time. I know that’s probably hard for you to read.”
She had BPD too, so for three years, one moment I was god, the next she was sitting up in the bed at the end of an overall great day and saying, “I’m sorry. I just don’t love you anymore.”
She wanted nothing to do with me until I found someone else. She lost her damn mind, tried to kill herself, ended up hospitalized for mental health. That got her family involved and we had to fight them for our kid in court. It’s crazy how easy it is for a family member to kidnap your child. They told the magistrate that I held my family hostage with a knife, got a restraining order, and I just had to wait until court knowing that our daughter was scared to death and living through a nightmare on top of a nightmare.
Somehow, the woman I’m with survived all of that chaos with me. I figured she’d get tired of me driving out in the middle of the night over and over again to make sure my ex didn’t actually hurt herself.
Once she got to be herself though, she was alright. She met someone more like her. She went from laying in bed all the time hating herself and her life to taking care of things that she couldn’t before. She never got a drivers license and she was finally able to do that. She never cleaned and when I worked a lot our place was trashed, but her last place was immaculate. Poor girl died of breast cancer 4 years after we split. I wish she had left me years before honestly, so she’d have had a chance to really live.
Life is a mess. Some people do make it hard to trust other people, but we have to carry on and do our best. We’ve gotta work so that problem isn’t everyone else’s problem.
I have done my best to keep from carrying all that baggage into the relationship I’m in. I do my best to encourage her to just be herself. We get one short life, and I don’t want to have a hand in ruining it for anyone. Go see your friends, go be with your family. Don’t sit here alone because I do. Keep building your life outside of me. Maintain something of the world you lived in before you moved to ours.
Sorry for the book. I guess I needed to spit it out of my head again. I could write on this topic for several years straight and I still wouldn’t run out of shit to say about it. :p
You seem like a great person. You were helping someone out even while they caused you some serious emotional distress.
I hope everything's all good for you now.
That was quite a read, thanks for sharing.
That was a fascinating read and thank you for sharing. If it is any good, I'll be thinking about this for a long time.
You should write a book about it. You have a good, simple style thats easy to read, easy to understand. It would likely be cathartic to write and could help others.
BPD took a decade from me too. Been healing for a few years. Was able to protect my kid. Lmk if you need an ear from someone who understands. I'm the guy who all my mom friends introduce to their other dad friends who are going through breakups with mental illness. It's a thing 🤷 You're not alone.
People can also marry someone for reasons that they think are positive, but end up being a horrible negative. Sometimes people marry someone because the other person is stable and takes care of things but then it turns out that they are extremely controlling too but it wasn't obvious until later on.
My partner's ex is like this. She claims that he used to be nice but I've only ever known him as an absolute failure. I can't imagine him as anything other than a vibrating ball of undirected rage. He spends most of his time being angry that he can't get a better job, but he's totally unprepared to do anything that might help him get a better job by getting training in something.
"Spinster" is still a thing in a lot of places. A woman who can't find a husband is looked down on. Also, those are the places where men who are 'weak' are looked down on. Community is a powerful thing, which is why so many LGBTQ kids flee their home towns as soon as they can.
Religious oppression in the vast majority of cases.
Kids
Archaic societal expectations
Trapped.
Loneliness is a motherfucker.
Southern abstinence-only education resulting in ludicrous amounts of teen-pregnancy and dependence on the first man available.
my god you're right. it's astounding how subordinate women are down there. the life goal of around 80% OR MORE of those women is get pregnant before 20 and marry. it's sad and compounds a lot of problems. it's a swath of population the world would be better off without.
the rabbit hole is so deep down there. is it the oppressive religion that leads them all to be so problematic for society? maybe it's the shitty education? maybe it's the oppressive patriarchy? maybe the women want that hellish life as much as the men? is it the conservative culture?
in the end, you just kinda have to say to yourself "i don't know and i don't care. burn it all down"
I'm in the same place, I managed to escape and I see them trying to corrupt and destroy the rest of the country.
It's their elite, we needed to give the slave owners to their slaves and walk away, instead we kept them out of power for 10 years then let them go back as if nothing happened and got Jim Crow for 100 years, and brutal corruption as they took every dollar of federal money not nailed down.
Until the southern good ol boy network is destroyed they will try to destroy America because they see themselves as the only true Americans.
amen
Ecosia being extremely based
yes
Immediately starts reading in trailer voice
"where one man.... And one goat..."
Just want to love each other....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vuziQsUrbeM&t=80
"I've been a baaaahhh-d, baaah-d boy father."
Lmao. Thanks for that memory necro.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=JQRtuxdfQHw
That clip is ancient
The top autocomplete for "can my wife" is "can my wife carry my gun" in case you were interested.
"Can my husband" is, in fact, the voting question.
Presumably those auto completes are tailored to each user.
I'm using Firefox Focus on a VPN, so it's not customized to me.
I rarely use google and my results are the same
Google searches are highly customized to your profile. Either you, OP, or both are logged into your accounts.
Not me, I am using a clean session in Firefox Focus on a VPN specifically to avoid results tailored to me. I'm very careful about what I search for on Google while logged in.
I’m on my phone, but this is what I got on a fresh Firefox Focus session (all history and cookies cleared) and startpage (proxied google search results). I’m assuming the query is coming from Ireland or something given the result at the bottom
The Irish bias might be coming from the fact that that's the easiest (western?)European country to immigrate to if you have some Irish ancestry.
Tried testing this with Duckduckgo and was not prepared to see this:
I also got this, along with “Can my husband drink my milk?”
HAHA! That's great with their facial expressions, imagining them saying it. Bernie's excited
For when you REALLY don't want your husband to live in Trump's America
Same thing with ecosia haha
Come out you black and trans
Come out and fight me like a man
That dog is judging the hypothetical husband here
And rightly so
I thought this might have been exaggerated, so I tested it out myself. I got as far as "Can my hu" before Google gave me a list of suggestions. At the top was "can my husband find out who I voted for."
I guess in one sense it's a good thing that this many people are trying to make sure that they can vote the way they want? In another sense...for fuck's sake. How the fuck are so many people so backwards???
I'm a bit confused and concerned about why people would think that their partner would be able to find out who they voted for. Isn't it well known that elections are private?
I imagine they are THAT scared of their husbands that they want to double check a fact they already know. So yes, deeply concerning...
"imagine" is the key word.
Username does not check out.
Learn how trending on Google works. Then realize that right under the voting thing on the list of suggested autocompletes is a question about being baptized by your husband.
Do you think tons and tons of women are Googling that, too? How many women do you think are out there who got baptized by their husbands?
How gullible can people be?
According to google the trending suggestions is based on how broadly popular search queries are, with extra weight given to searches in a recent calendar period.
Okay, so women asking about their husbands baptizing them is right there in the top 5 suggestions beginning with that phrase.
Think for a moment about how many women you really think are actually googling that, and that'll give you an idea of how many women are actually googling this.
It really doesn't take a very high absolute number of people to make a Google search trend, especially when it's a search based on a headline that went viral during an election season.
My point is that you're username suggests objectivity, calm rationality and balance, but you're incredibly partisan, feeling-driven and pretty rude to people who criticise guess what? No, not science, not facts, not rationality, but Donald Trump, the science-denying idiot disgraced former president who is well known for using the word "truth" to mean things he likes to hear and "fake" for things he doesn't like to hear, the liar of liars, the king of untruth, and the toddler of emotional maturity.
So no, the fact that it makes you cross that lots of women are checking that their husbands can't find out how they voted, or even that Google thought they might, and that you're calling people names for thinking it might be happening, doesn't particularly convince me that this is not happening.
Stating a fact that favors one group over another isn't what it means to be partisan.
I have never taken a stance here that was rooted in "feelings". I make a very active effort to draw my conclusions based on the evidence I have access to, and failing that, clear, consistent logic.
Show me where I've ever done otherwise, if you can.
Who the target of a lie is does not affect my willingness to correct the lie. That's called having values, instead of a political team. That's what it means to be objective.
There is a lot of justified criticism to be levied against Trump, based on facts of what he's actually done. But there is also a lot of bullshit that's swallowed whole by people who don't care what's true, but will just accept, without scrutiny, anything claimed about him that's negative.
When I know something is inaccurate, I will say so. Who or what is inaccurate about, is irrelevant, to me. I'd just as quickly debunk bullshit about Harris, or anyone else if I saw it.
Pff, it doesn't make me cross, I'm simply bringing some facts to a table that's gone off the deep end with alarmism, clearly because they don't understand how trending algorithms work.
This is a manifestation of the exact same phenomenon as people thinking, for example, that there is more violent crime now than there was 50 years ago, based on the fact that they are exposed to so much more crime reporting now via the Internet than ever before. I'm the guy who's coming along saying "actually, all the evidence shows violent crime is way down now compared to then, your recency and exposure biases are just tricking you into thinking differently."
You're shooting the messenger trying to clue you in to the fact that your assumptions are clouding your judgement, nothing more.
Same here on Kagi and DDG except it wasn't at the top
Or, much more likely, it became a meme and most of the people searching it are doing so for the same reason you are, like everything else that 'goes viral' on the Internet in 2024.
Don't be so gullible.
P.S. Also in the top recommendations is "can my husband baptize me?" This is truly a situation that also affects millions upon millions of women. Or maybe Google trends don't actually mean shit in the real world.
People being too stupid to understand that you can't just break encryption for moral uses while keeping it intact against immoral ones?
That really just seems like the special case of the general issue that too many people are in toxic relationships.
Wait till the Church starts pushing back because of "the sanctity of marriage," and other outdated drivel used to compel obedience.
Tax and audit every church that has an opinion on voting and/or politics. Tax the fuck outta them.
Here's what I got with duckduckgo
"Can my husband drink my milk"
I'm assuming this is about breast milk, but all I can think of is someone losing their absolute shit because their partner drank from the wrong carton of milk.
"I WROTE MY NAME ON IT, MICHAEL! MY NAME! IT'S MY PROPERTY! YOU'VE STOLEN A GLUG OF MILK! THAT'S ILLEGAL!"
Once you're married it's our milk anyway.
while signed out of any account and with cookies cleared
I got the same result, also not logged in w/cookies cleared.
I ran the test with DuckDuckGo and did get "can my husband find out who I voted for", though it was near the bottom of the auto-completes.
Women who use duckduckgo are probably not the ones who live in the modern Handmaid's tale that we have in large parts of America.
I think this may have something to do with it: Julia Roberts ad telling women they can secretly vote for Harris pisses off Newt Gingritch
Can my husband on lycos.com... wtf:
https://search20.lycos.com/web/?q=can+my+husband
Hmm maybe Lycos shows personalized results?
As I wrote not my cup of tea and I didn't use lycos before.
I mean if you're still using Lycos as your main search engine, you're already unhinged.
Altavista is telling me I should vote for Bill Clinton.
I'm going to ask Jeeves
Haha definitely not. I prefer DDG, just read before that lycos still exists and was curious.
I got a similar result in DDG.
You are right, but there it's not first for me (but that could be language dependent):
Curiously, I also got milk and irish passport in bing.
Why do so many women want their husbands to be Irish?
I thought that duck duck go was a privacy focused front end working on top of bing.
Have you ever tried human milk? It's sugary deliciousness.
It's awfully sweet. Maybe it tastes better with compound V.
https://youtu.be/O59GvPvtyXM?t=27
You made my d-a-ayyyy! 🎶
Bringing me back!!!
In a world where Elon can make himself trending so can other influential people
…and it should possibly be a question for divorce.
A lot of the images people posting here show a bleak picture in general.
Can my husband sell my car without me? Can my husband force me to sell my house? JFC.
Can my wife be a dependant
Can my wife carry my gun
Can my wife deposit my check
And
Can my wife live on base with me
That's the flip side...
It only matters if people are educated enough to understand why it’s important.
There are widely available options as it is. The majority of people don’t care at best. And get offended at the notion of using them at worst.
And still people seems to not care the slightest about protection (messaging, sharing, ...) 🤷🏼♀️
Hahaha, yeah, right. That's exactly what's going to happen.
End to end encryption have little to do with domestic violence. Come on, y'all know better.