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asklemmy·Ask LemmybyEch

Is it more respectful to use more current photos of people who have died? Or is it better to use photos from their "prime"?

Just had this thought and I'm caught between the two. Assuming anything being considered were all "good" photos, what would you prefer if it were you?

*Lots of great responses! I do want to clarify that I am not currently dealing with this scenario myself, but I appreciate the thoughtful comments. Hopefully they can help people that are struggling. I know I'll keep them in mind for the future.

View original on lemm.ee

US Funeral Director here, You should use the best more recent photo that you have. The purpose of the obituary photo is recognition by people who may not know the name.

If you want to have two photos, you could do a recent photo, and a prime photo, but the recent photo is more important. The prime photo only has significance to the family.

65

put 1 of each:

some will remember them from their "prime", others only knew them more-recently.

Your intent is to represent their life, right? Not just a moment in it.

11

We had this challenge with my grandmother. I had some really memorable moments with her late in her life, but she looked a lot sicker and run down in any pictures from that time, but that's how I remember her (at least that's part of how I remember her). My mom didn't want to share as many pictures from that phase of her mom's life though because she remembered her younger and more active, so it made putting a memories collage together complicated. Especially since all the early pictures were still in albums spread across the country with her children.

Personally I want people to use pictures of me that let them remember me the best. Not the best of me, but the best of our relationship, even if that's me as an ugly old fart.

11

I think it should be recent, because that's how the people who knew them would remember them.

Or both, if you have the space.

9
lemmy.world

Why have one picture, make a collage of photos all throughout their life.

6

Option A) Do what the deceased would have wanted Option B) pick the most embarrassing picture you can find. Like that picture of them throwing up in college or when they were five and got their head stuck in the playground ladder.

6

Choose the best current photo you have for the primary photo and obit. Consider also making a collage of photos from through their life.

5

respectful

That is not a question of respect, but of quality.

You and the other survivors want to keep the deceased in good memory. Usually the best pictures are about a year old. Maybe 1/2, maybe 2 or 3 years, but hardly more. Not the pictures from the very last days, because there is sickness/weakness already too visible.

5

What’s the photo for? You can display multiple photos at a funeral. If you’re publishing it, probably go with them in their prime

5
lemmy.world

just noting that people have started putting QR codes on tombstones that direct to a collection/directory of multimedia photos videos audio, notes etc. i think its a great use.

4
deegeesereply
sopuli.xyz

A tombstone should last for centuries, but a QR code depends on a URL that might not last 5 years.

Either the QR code should be on a swappable card, or needs to point at a domain controlled by the family like RememberingJoeSmith.com

6

How long do you think Joe Smith's family is going to maintain that site, given that it costs real money?

Related: How long after death until people stop visiting the grave?

(Yes, there's a joke about the dead visiting graves, but I chose to ignore it)

2

I'd argue, that also depends on the kind of person.

Often, there are news about some actor dying who had his prime back in the 70s/80s and didn't get much publicity afterwards. Hardly anybody knows how that person looks today. So I think an old photo would be fine.

3
kbin.social

If it was me I'd prefer the best photo from my life.

2
Rhynoplazreply
lemmy.world

Which would definitely be the one where you timed that hilarious face on that roller coaster.

2

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