Yeah, I'm not sure there's a good answer to be found here, but clearer messaging about exactly what the rules mean would help avoid confusion.
I took "no NSFW content" to mean no creating NSFW communities or posting NSFW content to any of the communities hosted there, but I had not assumed it would mean no subscribing to NSFW communities on other instances, or posting to NSFW communities on other instances. Understanding now the way that embedded media works though I'd now assume you could probably subscribe to NSFW communities on other instances, but not post to them.
Personally I have no problem with NSFW content, so I kind of regret signing up on lemmy.ml, but on the other hand there are no lemmy instances that currently allow NSFW content that I could sign up with, and there definitely weren't any 2 years ago when I created this account.
As for self hosting, while I do have the knowledge to do so, it's a question of motivation and priorities. I simply don't want the headache of running a server, I'm annoyed enough as it is just keeping my home systems patched and up to date. I used to run some servers for other things, but after not even logging into one for nearly a year (yes, that's terrible and very risky) I decided to retire them.