Naka dalawang team building na ako sa company and I feel like I just don't fit in. Hindi ko lang talaga ramdam. Lalo na pag lumalabas yung pagka bbm nila tapos kanta-kanta pa nung jingle nila naiisip ko, mukhang tanga ampota

Wala na din yung work bestie ko dati kaya wala akong kasama mang judge.

Tapos sinabi 'maaagapan pa ang introvertedness ko' and I just don't have the heart to say di ko lang talaga type makipag hangout sa kanila. Me joining activities is bare minimum, trust me. I do it para di naman ako mukhang masyadong anti-social. Jesus.

I am alive! Ang dami na pa lang nangyayari and I was so, so confused. Dumating na sa barangay ang lato-lato. Ang ingay din pala, akala ko joke-joke lang yung nakikita ko online. I will now try to explore this lemmy world. Hindi talaga ako makatulog at may eyebags na ako and I actually used concealer today, it's that bad. sigh im mf tired

What if tanggalin na daw yung night shift dito sa work... actually pabor ang mga tao dito. I guess nobody really wants to do night shift. Heck, I don't like it either. We just make it bearable.

Ang weird pala kapag nagpa check up ka sa workplace mo tapos kilala mo lang yung mga people. What if I was diagnosed with a disease tapos may stigma? What if I just want to keep it private? So weird.

Ayan, may sakit na ako officially. Buti na lang nagpa check up ako despite my fears. Ni-recommend sakin 1 week bed rest + meds. Hindi ko alam kung ma-ppush yan, but I would welcome bed rest actually lol. Sabi ko na nga iba na yung sakit nung feeling ko kukunin na ako ni lord eh.

Grabe pala yung hilo ko kanina pansin na ng mga tao tapos muntik pa ako mahulog sa hagdanan. So that's why they kept asking me kung kaya ko pa maglakad. Hindi ko talaga napansin na nilalagnat na ako, ganun na ako kasabaw during check up yet I was still paying attention to the time bc gurl iniwan ko yung work ko and may TAT yun and all. I pat myself on the back for that time management manuever.

It's nice to be alive. Hindi ko na uulitin yung dire-diretso mag work and etc shutangina ko. So much for experimentation 💀

It's nice to be diligent pero wag tayo maging masyadong masipag, self. I'm sorry, but I have a thing for good to perfect attendance and just general decent track record 😔😭 I am that kind of person 🥲

"argue like you love someone"

me and my incoming dark thoughts: I hate this world 😊 just trying to make something out of it, y'know? Hihi 🌸

If I was in that one BM episode I'd talk back and maybe say, why would I burden myself of unaliving someone when this world can just burn? Who are you to suddenly give me a responsibility that I didn't ask for? And for what, just for someone else's entertainment?

All this corporate beaurocratic shit and you couldn't even have shown me the t&c? What is even reality? You should've picked someone more entertaining to mess with.

I am pretty angry. People are annoying. Sometimes I just want to isolate myself and brood.

I keep thinking about it, my best guess is I got stung by a jellyfish kaso di ko kasi nakita and not knowing is even more annoying 😒 basta walang kakamot is the rule lol

I can really only deduce based on what I got. Either way, I still like jellyfishes. Next time mag full suit na lang ako.

Madami akong natututunan for my beach trip. One could call it a vacation, but I thought it was pretty productive too.

Next time baka try ko matulog sa hammock just so I can save on accomodation💲jk. I think I'll seriously try it pero solo trip hahaha. Tapos kapag di ko kinaya pasok na lang ako and try to upgrade to an actual bed.

I wanna try things.

Gusto ko sana i-try yung newjeans x mcdo meal kaso parang kahit packaging di ko type. Just stamp on a little bunny logo and call it collab ganun. It looks sad compared dun sa bts meal dati is what I'm saying

Mag dunkin donuts promo na lang ako. 2-3pm daw mamaya, noted po

Ano na nangyari kay Jerboa, keeps crashing on mine 😔 minsan ko na nga lang feel magreply ayaw pa

Pero grabe talaga sabi ko di ako sasama ng team building. Ang nangyari: tumulong pa ako magluto. Sabi ko din hindi ako iinom pero mukhang magddonate pa ako ng isang bote ng tequila just because.

I don't know. Kainin ko na lang lahat ng sinabi ko 😆

I do find it helpful to join these kinds of events, it's a chance to try to get along with people. May pa-games dyan and I need to win something for the cash prize 😤😤😤

Nalasing si coworker and it was very rowdy. I did not get hammered because masaya na talaga ako mag kayak paulit-ulit 😆 I'm so behaved I don't drink much when swimming because what if I got so drunk I end up drowning? It's a dumb way to die for me.

Yung supervisor namin akala ko nag jjoke lang palunod shuta totoo pala nag cramp daw yung likod niya, had to pick him up while lounging around. I felt like a lifeguard sa mga di marunong lumangoy.

Ok lang, cause I can pick you up in my ✨kayak✨ HAHAHA roundtrip pa. I can even parallel park this shiz 😂 I don't own a car but I have a kayak, ok na ba yun? Aasdfhjkl

I just went on a mini killing spree of cockroaches. Ugh, it was disgusting, but it would've been more disgusting if I just let them go. And then I had to clean everything kasi may amoy sila that's even more annoying i don't even want to talk about it 😤

May nag-attempt pa lumipad. You're not getting away. It was like playing whack-a-mole with my shoe. Feeling ko medyo lumabas yung pent up rage ko in the process. It was still disgusting, plz

I miss my room, I miss my bed, gusto ko na umuwi. Na-trigger ata yung allergies ko dito.

Galit si friend yung kalandian niya mukhang nakipag one night stand sa business trip niya. I'm just saying, i-let go mo na yan. Iba kayo ng gusto. Wala namang kayo. Friends daw, diba? It's painful to be a witness sa ganito 🤦‍♀️

Sometimes I wonder kailan din kaya ako magpapaka alipin at marupok para pag-ibig. Requirement ba yan? It's not very appealing for me. It's really not, or just fuck off 😩

I want something healthy and spicy, just like how I like my food.

After continually observing my patterns, it takes me 10-11 straight days of working and studying w/ no rest days before feeling fatigue.

And wow, am I feeling the fatigue 😅 the whole body feels sore akala mo nag undergo ng intense workout the whole period.

Ehem, di ko na uulitin uli. I just wanted to know my limits. Long-term wise I perform better with regular resting days. Sa umpisa lang maganda tignan yung dire-diretso ang productivity pero may cost pa din sa huli. No to burnout!

I started trying 'thrilling' sports for the excitement of it, but it seems like it ended up calming me instead 😆 isn't it interesting?

It's good to try new and different things. I feel that I've started to learn new things about myself (which tbh I thought there was not much to learn more anymore). When I reflect on all of it together, I get this little lightbulb moment and for a moment in time I think I just got a moment wiser hahaha.

For example, I knew that I have this nagmamadaling personality but I never really knew what to do with it. I consider it a flaw for myself, actually.

Now, I get it. I had to temper it out, and doing these sports is helping a lot to temper it. I think it's beautiful. Para akong binigyan ng chance to work on myself some more in a different way.

Seriously, I think I'm becoming more genuinely patient and I'm not just not minding it. It's amazing. I'm really glad and thankful while I'm writing this at 3-4am.

Off to the next adventure~~

morning kayak first thing in the morning, walang kain: 2 miles ang aking limit lol. A sports watch would be really handy right now kaso di ko pa afford yung watch I've been eyeing 👀

Nakisabay ako sa mga small boats and something like a small cruise ship/ferry/yacht and it was fun. Kaway-kaway lang in my little motorless kayak 👋 ✨ im so tiny

Nung nag snorkel around ako the corals near the shore are pretty dead, it's sad. Malalaki pa naman. Meron ako nakita lumalaban pa tho when I went further. Gurl if I had equipment markado na yung place tapos babalikan ko uli next time just to check up on it. Kaya ko naman i-estimate yung distance 🤔

May dumaplis na something sa leg ko tapos namula at nangati ang aking binti. I have no idea what it was, di ko talaga siya makita but I'm alive and not convulsing, plus the skin is returning to normal. Pero gusto ko talaga malaman kung ano yun ah 😆 hay

I definitely keep telling myself not to be too arrogant sa mga activities ko (as fun as it is). Safety is priority. Tropical fishies are so pretty tho.

Ayun nga, di ko alam kung mabigat lang yung pinto o naka-lock lang. So what I've been doing is jumping out of windows. I kinda feel like a ninja.

Ayan, marunong na ako mag kayak and I practiced my swimming skills. Ito na ang workout ko.

Nakita ko uli si swimmer pool guy. I think he's hot. It's really the stamina, waking up early in the morning dedication and the discipline that does it for me, okay hahaha. Meron pa siyang timer while doing his laps.

Sa aking training program naman, my plan is to increase my laps per swimming workout. I do have skills I want to improve on. I'm not going hardcore intense because I want it to be fun for me and wala namang humahabol sakin. Sometimes pag ubos na ako ng hininga one lap is just me floating around the pool.

I like how they maintain the pool, hindi matapang yung chlorine. Walang super dry reaction yung skin at hair ko pagkatapos. Also a perk of being early in the morning: I have the cr all to myself tapos tuyo pa 😌 ako ang taga-binyag jk. I think I might stick to this pool 🤔

lola: ba't ang dami mong bag??

me, trying to explain each bag's purpose: 👁️👄👁️

I can explain. I have a work bag, an overnight/gym bag, a hiking bag, a dry bag, a bag for small groceries, bag for big groceries, small tote bag for fast errands, bigger tote bag for longer errands, an alternative work bag, an alternative hiking bag, tote bag for going around the house, etc.

I feel so judged 😔 ginagamit ko naman sila lahat, naka-rotation pa depending kung nasa laundry pa. Plano ko pa nga bumili ng mesh bag for the dry groceries kasi ayaw ko na ng plastic, puno na yung paper/plastic collection bag ko. Add food grade silicone bags and air-tight, reusable, compressible ziplock bags and bawas talaga ang plastic consumption ko. Plastic from deliveries na lang yung problema ko, idk what to do with that tbh.

Basta sumasakit ulo ko sa plastic bag. I can hear a dying scream of some creature suffocating out there in the back of my mind every time a fresh one is used when I could've used a reusable one. I'm not being annoying and preachy about it, it's just a personal thing that just developed dahil sa nakikita kong waste generated sa work. And now I am sad.

Had some errands to do tapos sinamahan ako ng kapatid ko. Grabe ang bagal namin maglakad nagjoke kapatid ko parang naglalakad lang kami sa park tapos inaalalayan pa ako 😆 hilo at pagod na kasi ako.

I feel so weak di ako sanay 🥲 anyway...may excuse na ako para hindi umattend ng team building at inuman.

Yung hilo ko talaga...doc try naman ng ibang gamot feeling ko so-so lang effect nito. Ugh I can't focus on shit 😖

Ang late night thoughts ko ay ang panget ko sa passport ko 🤦‍♀️ tapos yung camera pa nila pang dlsr pa pero auto pindot lang. Kinda seems like a waste for its usage, sana magandang quality webcam na lang gamit nila. Ang clunky at heavy pa just to mount it on the side of a wall. It looks out of place.

Malay ko ba Pilipinas. Parang pagod na rin ako, migrate na lang tayo. I've been learning german lately, might be useful in the future 🤷‍♀️

Na-delay ang pag-uwi ko dahil biglang bumuhos ang malakas na ulan. Wala ako sa mood makipagsapalaran sa baha kung meron. Hay gusto ko ng hatid-sundo.

Pag tumaas talaga ang sahod ko sa certain range ito na ang lifestyle upgrade ko. I just want to daydream or sleep during commute na hindi iniisip ang mga possible snatcher, holdap, or harassment. I just want to let myself be vulnerable 1/2 jk.

Aghhh how tiring