killer_penguin · Posts | Spyke

shittylifeprotips·Shitty Life Pro Tipbykiller_penguin

SLPT putting a student driver sticker on your car will get you out of all tickets. The police will be more understanding a let you off with a warning every time.

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shittylifeprotips·Shitty Life Pro Tipbykiller_penguin

SLPT: When grocery shopping, if you see something you were going to buy in a person's cart, feel free to take it. It’s not stealing because the other person doesn’t own it until they pay for the item.

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shittylifeprotips·Shitty Life Pro Tipbykiller_penguin

SLPT Gym not letting you cancel your membership or making it difficult? Start working out completely naked and making very weird noises drawing attention to yourself.

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shittylifeprotips·Shitty Life Pro Tipbykiller_penguin

SLPT Cops work all day in the public this can be tiring and their time is valuable. Be considerate when you get pulled over and run towards their car with your information.

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shittylifeprotips·Shitty Life Pro Tipbykiller_penguin

SLPT put your contacts in lotion, so they won't dry your eyes out.

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shittylifeprotips·Shitty Life Pro Tipbykiller_penguin

SLPT If you get mugged give them as much money as possible. You can say it was a charitable donation and write it off on your taxes.

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shittylifeprotips·Shitty Life Pro Tipbykiller_penguin

SLPT Make sure to keep a ruler under your pillow so you know how long you slept.

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shittylifeprotips·Shitty Life Pro Tipbykiller_penguin

SLPT attack someone wjth a bodyguard to ensure they get their moneys worth.

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shittylifeprotips·Shitty Life Pro Tipbykiller_penguin

SLPT adding two mini fridges together makes one regular fridge. And cheaper!

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shittylifeprotips·Shitty Life Pro Tipbykiller_penguin

SLPT car bouncing/shaking a lot? Wear or sand your tire tread off to make the ride smoother.

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shittylifeprotips·Shitty Life Pro Tipbykiller_penguin

SLPT bean.

Big bean

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shittylifeprotips·Shitty Life Pro Tipbykiller_penguin

SLPT eat the paper in the fortune cookie so it becomes shit, just like all your other hopes and dreams

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shittylifeprotips·Shitty Life Pro Tipbykiller_penguin

SLPT Your job have a drug test day? Make sure to bring enough for everyone to try some.

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shittylifeprotips·Shitty Life Pro Tipbykiller_penguin

SLPT The good die young. Be an A-hole your entire life to live longer.

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shittylifeprotips·Shitty Life Pro Tipbykiller_penguin

SLPT Have a work email? Report every email you get as spam you can never be too careful. The IT department will love you because you're thinking of security.

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shittylifeprotips·Shitty Life Pro Tipbykiller_penguin

SLPT If you like the hair you have now, shave it all off and make a wig out of it. You can have that hairstyle forever

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shittylifeprotips·Shitty Life Pro Tipbykiller_penguin

SLPT Do your misplace your kids often? Have them swallow an air tag. Cover it in yogurt to help get it down.

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shittylifeprotips·Shitty Life Pro Tipbykiller_penguin

SLPT Trying to lose weight? Always scoop your ice cream when it's frozen rock hard. You will burn a few extra calories.

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shittylifeprotips·Shitty Life Pro Tipbykiller_penguin

SLPT instead of buying a bigger TV, just sit closer ya dingus

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shittylifeprotips·Shitty Life Pro Tipbykiller_penguin

SLPT pulling over for police is optional. They can't give you a ticket if you don't pull over.

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