This is not about DVD subtitles, which are images as you say. This is about "Line 21" closed captioning. I.E. the text data that is embedded in an analog tv signal. There should be no OCR needed.

Honestly, there isn't another platform that isn't a step down. The algorithm that drives the For You Page is leaps and bounds ahead of Instagram and YouTube.

The best analogy I can give is if Linux was banned for personal use in the US. Sure, you could use Windows or macOS; the later is even Unix based! However, it would be a downgrade for Linux users. Even something like FreeBSD wouldn't be a seemless transition, and the communities that were built would take time to recover.

Let's hope he doesn't trip over the power cord

Typically, the last mile is often not fiber. Telecoms are generally required to continue non-voip land line service. Its one of those regulations that, despite having good intentions, end up causing issues.

Can you not "just" add a "New Text Document.txt" template?

I've been told I dress like a "Texas Oil Tycoon". Basically bolo tie, light colored suit or sports coat, and a Stetson. Considering I primarily listen to country music from the second half of the 20th century, I think it fits. I also play the fiddle (poorly), so it works.

We use DB2, but mostly because we call it from a mainframe.

Also EARs in case WARs are not enterprise enough for you

What about the South Sea Company?

Would that not be under ~/Videos?