Well yeah that's lemmy.ml for you.

Admittedly don't know any of the context and can't argue on it, but the instance's political stance is very whack (tankies).

I was more sympathising with the poster, but yeah that's about it.

I'm not gonna engage mentally with anything from .ml since from experience it really isn't worth it. Taking a wander on .ml was pretty much the most confusing thing I've ever experienced when I first tried out lemmy, I mean their ukraine community is all you need to see, really is kind of another level of closed off from reality. Either you're out of the loop or you agree with them, but .ml being based around a (relatively) singular unquestioning belief system isn't healthy.

Oh congrats, that's awesome!

I'm so sorry, I've had it pretty easy compared to most, but I definitely feel you. Representation is so important, I wouldn't be here if it weren't for all the cool trans people online, given how closed off I am, without it I wouldn't have stood a chance, I've never been suicidal but I often wonder where I'd be in a couple of years if I wasn't exposed to the voices of queer people online. A lot of the things I heard about when I was younger were from cis voices, and it really doesn't do it.

That's why I feel things like social media bans are going to cause a lot of harm to young queer people, because we just don't get that kind of representation in traditional media. Contrary though, I do see a lot more trans people in general now (in public), that and with things like the NHS waiting list probably being (at least in part) due to sheer volume, I feel like public representation could be a good substitute (in safe countries), since I (at least hope) we aren't going back.

I don't really have much life experience, and am quite literally 3 weeks or so old (since I accepted myself), so I'm not sure my advice will mean much (sorry), but it seems you're better now than you have been, If you haven't already (and if you're in a stable place to do so), start picking up your interests again, find some people to care about (and who care about you!), and try to make the best of what you have.

Hey please don't hurt yourself!

Don't minimise yourself, just because other people have it worse doesn't mean you can't feel bad! As others have said you should probably get some community to help you. We care, but unfortunately we can't really be physically there for you. I'm not very good at this but I can listen if you want.

That's awesome lol, thanks.

Thank you.

Some people can really just be mean. Compliments are usually more likely to go unsaid in my experience, I had one person berate me over my hair throughout my last year of secondary school, and never once had been complimented, 2 years of sixth form go by, the entire time thinking people hated my hair, only to hear second hand that someone in my class thought my hair was "beautiful" when being reminded of me, the person telling me this also agrees, and around the same time someone in the street wanted to know what hair product I was using. So safe to say people 100% think nice things about you all the time, but for whatever reason refrain from saying them.

A folder of music I couldn't give less of a damn about apparently

Very thick indeed, I think some cis people around me may have even figured it out before I did.

I'll make sure to post updates when I make progress :3

Thanks, I'll have a look at those links.

For experimenting, not yet, my reasoning has been for people previously "mis"-gendering me as she/her occasionally, and I didn't feel overly euphoric or anything, but then again from experience I know my brain likes to brush off anything less than definitive, since every time that happened they couldn't see my face. I've also had 2 occasions where people have asked me if I'm a girl or a boy, the first one I found mildly amusing but it was a guy and they didn't need me for anything so I could've just been weirded out by it, the other time was on the bus and two girls asked me, that time I can't remember what I felt.

You're right though I should probably ask my parents if they could mix it up a bit, but I'm scared it could make me feel weird about it, I know personally to myself I can sometimes feel comfortable seeing myself as a girl, but only really in isolation (the sun is up now and I'm already feeling a little bad), I do have a history of a social anxiety disorder so that could play a part in me feeling so weird about it. Although I did feel kind of good about adding my girl name alongside my birth name here and there.

I'll absolutely keep posting updates though, and thank you again!

Thanks.

I think it helps that I have someone in my family who came out as trans (before I started questioning), so it kind of allowed me to be more confident that I would be safe to come out to my parents. That and getting access to hormones is scary and I thought I could have my parents to help guide me through that, turns out I was a little naive in thinking that (that's like thinking my dad could help me fix an issue with my computer, that I built), but hey at least now they can be here to support me.

Yeah you are right, I don't really have anyone irl to talk to about this. I live in South London so I'm pretty lucky, I know there's plenty of trans people near me but I really am not good with social stuff, I am going to make an effort but it'll probably take a while to build myself up to it. I have heard things about 56T doing free blood tests but I can't really find anything about it on their website so I don't think that's true.

Also yea BeamNG is very cool.

Thanks! <3

I will read up on HRT, and I'll probably also ask some people who live in my area to know where I should get HRT from, since I know from experience the NHS can be very different depending on where you live.

I mean I say I'm genderfluid but the "fluid" of choice would probably be closer to tar, since while I can sometimes feel more masc, I've never once felt good about my masculine features, at the very best just mildly annoyed.

And yeah I can end up feeling really good under the right conditions. Since I'm lucky to have grown out my hair prior, I remember covering my face one time (in an attempt to hide certain facial features like my eyebrows), and tricking myself for only just a second, haven't been able to re-do it but I literally felt it in my heart at the time.

Thank you for taking the time to reply, I really appreciate it! This has all been really affirming.

Probably better DIY yeah, I'll make sure to evaluate my options first though.

Thanks! I'll let you know if I need anything.

Oh yeah no it'll be interesting to see where I end up, I'm not against being fem, and I don't really know what will happen.

Thanks again for all the advice!

First off, thank you so much this is great.

I think socially I'll probably end up more masc, but it'll be what it'll be.

I'll probably go for monotherapy, and yea I'll definitely do blood tests regardless.

Thanks for the reassurance on the rest, that weird claim about breast growth was from a document made in 2020 with no sources, but I just got worried is all. For storage I do have places to keep them out of sunlight, but does this also carry for vials once they are in use? I'd like to know if there's a cut-off for when I should stop using a vial in case I end up having my levels drop by accident. Also woaw that's a lot, I think I'm obligated to stop worrying about any health risks of high E at this point, thanks <3.

Thank you so much <3.

Yeah I've read quite a bit of transfemscience's stuff, and since I am aiming for monotherapy I'll probably end up going with Otokonoko's estradiol enanthate, and either go with her dosage recommendations or something close to it using transfemscience's simulator.