Peak.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/48778576

I cant help but recognize patterns in certain things, i have jumped into some rabbit hole i know i will never be able to climb out of now, many of these truths are something you think only a crazy person would believe, i dont believe im crazy, but i mean, shit dude... idk anymore. Like, iv lost some "friends" over this, but cutting those Hylics off was probably better for me anyway. Iv lost pretty much everyone, im tired of saying "i enjoy my solitude" the truth is that im just a lonely bastard, i cant connect with people, i cant stand talking to these golems who have no nuance, black and white thing, who only react to thier thoughless emotions. I find myself feeling as though i am talking to a meat husk than an actual conscious living soul. I dont want to talk about the current thing, i dont want to do whatever everyone is doing, i dont want to conform to your idea of what is acceptable and tolerable. You have no soul, you have no true principles or values and morals, they dont even practice thier religion wholeheartedly. Every opportunity to climb that social ladder, to be liked, to bask in the acceptance of other soulless idiots. They are the majority of the population, and they are mostly responsible for all the evil in this world. Even so, i wavering, even though i know this, im so lonely i sometimes am willing to ignore this to have some kind of companionship. Im not sure if im strong enough for this. I hope when i post this, i csn breath better.

I cant help but recognize patterns in certain things, i have jumped into some rabbit hole i know i will never be able to climb out of now, many of these truths are something you think only a crazy person would believe, i dont believe im crazy, but i mean, shit dude... idk anymore. Like, iv lost some "friends" over this, but cutting those Hylics off was probably better for me anyway. Iv lost pretty much everyone, im tired of saying "i enjoy my solitude" the truth is that im just a lonely bastard, i cant connect with people, i cant stand talking to these golems who have no nuance, black and white thing, who only react to thier thoughless emotions. I find myself feeling as though i am talking to a meat husk than an actual conscious living soul. I dont want to talk about the current thing, i dont want to do whatever everyone is doing, i dont want to conform to your idea of what is acceptable and tolerable. You have no soul, you have no true principles or values and morals, they dont even practice thier religion wholeheartedly. Every opportunity to climb that social ladder, to be liked, to bask in the acceptance of other soulless idiots. They are the majority of the population, and they are mostly responsible for all the evil in this world. Even so, i wavering, even though i know this, im so lonely i sometimes am willing to ignore this to have some kind of companionship. Im not sure if im strong enough for this. I hope when i post this, i csn breath better.

I have open my eyes recently to the more larger grand picture of the state of which things are. Before this point i had always accepted life as it was, how its universally known to operate. But in the back of my mind i always yearned and hoped that there is something much more to my existence, there is a meaning to my place in this world, this universe. More than a half year ago i gradually felt a overwhelming dread, and that i must seeking some kind of truth. I turned to religion, i had gone to church as a child but it never stuck, it didnt satisfy me, my thirst for something of meaning. I started to see how shallow and frustrating everyone around me is, i have gone down many rabbit holes, of which i have started to believe to have some merit to them, i get this clarity sometimes that makes me feel a icy burning in my gut because i feel like im genuinely fucking losing it. I see cases like Kyle Odom and something in me tells me things like this are real and are happening and its in plain sight, and that most of the population have no souls, only emotion, no thoughts behind those emotions, that creates false reasoning and blind obedience, some of them i believe to be archons or demons, saturn symbolism, the mesoamerican god matches with the gnostic demiurge, and dragons in asia, the amphibians, the harvesting of energy by these beings, the vril parasites that may relate the the black eye club, the 13 families, the blackstone, black cube monoliths, the obsession with time, politics is a highly effective energy harvesting method for these evil beings that control everything, money is a curse, how monarch slaves are created and thier purposes all evil, sick, depraved things that everyone is blind too. I am fearful. I am angry, i have tried to convince myself that this is insane, and that this is nothing more than lies, but then i question why things are the way they are and i see no other reason, i have so many other thoughts and my dream have be vivid, despite this my thirst for knowledge that has genuine merit to it has been ever so slightly quenched. I need to continue learning, i have been mocked and outcasted by friends and peers, it hurt but i know it means in getting somewhere in an odd way. I have yet to find others who relate to my situation, however i havent used the internet to reach out i dont really use social media. I feel as though i must get this off of my chest, hopefully this will make me breath better.