“wow, it must have been really frustrating when you thought you were getting those toys and didn’t. I would have been pretty sad about that too. Is that how you feel?”

I have tried that many times over the years. It doesn't seem to ever achieve anything (and it makes my wife mad if she is listening)...

Thanks. I do some of those things, but I'll try to do more of it.

Thanks, but... what do you suggest we DO, then? How do we help him self-soothe?

Hej! Undskyld jeg ikke svarede. Jeg fandt det via et link på Reddit en gang.

let him talk out what he’s upset about

I try that often. I rarely get anything out of him. I try to suggest things, but I really don't know how to communicate this with him.

Thanks.

Thanks for the reply! I do have Asperger myself (though I do not have these particular problems, nor did I as a child).

I have talked to him a couple of times about the hand-washing, and as far as I can tell it does not appear to be sensory. When I ask him whether it feels uncomfortable or painful or weird for his hands, he says no.

Still, it might be worth getting him tested. Thanks.

Jeg søger et alternativ til r/Parenting på Reddit. Kan du anbefale mig nogen gode steder hvor jeg kan bede om råd om børn fra andre forældre? :)

Thanks. I'll see if I can do some of those things.

Thanks for the suggestion.

I have talked to him a couple of times about the hand-washing, and as far as I can tell it does not appear to be sensory. When I ask him whether it feels uncomfortable or painful or weird for his hands, he says no.

Ask for help on things like the dishwasher

I am pretty sure I did that. He didn't want to participate. (It's been two weeks, so I do not remember all the details.)

Thanks for the suggestions.

On the hand washing thing, I am guessing it’s a sensory problem. The water is too hot or too cold or too wet, something like that. I think you should cut him slack here, bodies are weird and this may be hard for him in a way that doesn’t make sense to you. Using sanitizer or a water-free hand soap is an option to reduce hand washing frequency, might make it easier on everyone.

I have talked to him a couple of times about the hand-washing, and as far as I can tell it does not appear to be sensory. When I ask him whether it feels uncomfortable or painful or weird for his hands, he says no.

What does he say about how he is feeling?

That is a very broad question. I do not understand what you have in mind or what you suggest I investigate. Could you please elaborate.

What does daycare say about his behaviour?

He just switched from one daycare to another (a few weeks ago; the behaviour I describe started long before the switch). The old daycare said he was pretty normal. The new one has not had enough experience with him yet.