Thank you, I keep telling myself this over and over again, but it feels like trying to douse a house fire by pleading with it. I truly do feel heinous to know this is the conclusion to all of the appreciation I felt and feel toward her. She may have been the all-round nicest person I've met to date, and I ended up doing this to her...

Thank you for bringing this up, I honestly have no issue with maintaining a friendship, but I don't know if she could take it emotionally. She looked distraught yesterday, which told me things were solidifying for her as they should have for me. She may have even confirmed that she was thinking of trying to be intimate during our vacation, but it's honestly just a painful blur right now and I'm not sure.

I didn't even mention this possibility, I thought it would be cruel seeing how badly she took the break-up. I just told her that I am not closing up toward her and asked her to give herself time. That's all.

Thank you for this. Oh, God, I hope I won't have to do this to anyone else ever again...

Thank you for your kind words, sincerely! This will haunt me, though...

I haven't had the chance to meet her friends so far, all of our dates were just between the two of us. She does have a lot of friends from what she's told me, so I hope she'll be able to find some comfort with them and with her family.

Right now, I wouldn't dare try to contact her, I don't want to make things any more painful or complicated than I already have. I'm keeping my door open for her, however, if she'll ever feel that she can talk to me without it tearing her apart.

As for telling her that she had no fault in this, I did. Repeatedly, obsessively, almost. I got really emotional when seeing her so hurt. I kept saying it to her because, if nothing else, I wanted her to walk away with that knowledge for whatever it's worth.

I guess that's why they say that the best decisions leave everyone unhappy...

Thank you for your insightful comment, I am, indeed in mourning. I may not have felt the full palette of affection toward her, but what I do feel is huge in and of itself. And while my rational side is aware that this is the best decision I can make with what I know right now, I still can't shake the guilt of having hurt a person I appreciate so much.

This is more of a personal "issue," I'm very strict with myself around the pain I cause...

Thank you, I thought about this option long and hard, but I honestly don't know if things could be turned around in me. I haven't been afraid of harming her, only of pressuring her in any way. I even asked her from the start to point out anything unbecoming from my end, without hesitation, but she never had a reason because I tried as best as I could to not give her one. I always default to gentle and attentive when it comes down to the physical part of relationships and I know that I could have taken it as slow as she would have needed.

To add to this, I really don't want this to turn into an off-and-on thing, I've been through several of those and they are horrid...

Thank you! There really were no reasons I could point to as the cause for this, we got along really well and the relationship was healthy as far as I could see and experience it. I'm not even entirely sure when the shift started happening. All I know is that one day it started feeling like I was kissing my sister. I didn't tell her this specifically, though.

Oh, no, there is no intent from my end to pursue a friendship with her unless she is absolutely sure it won't mess her up even more. That's why I only told her that I'll always be open to her, but that she should give herself as much time as she needs. I didn't specifically mention a friendship at all. I've been on the other end and I do not want to be one to encourage this kind of slow and sickly grind. I genuinely do love her a lot and I want to do absolutely anything I can do to minimise her pain.

Thank you, I'll give this some thought. I'm very reticent about contacting her again so soon, I really don't want to mess her up any more than I already have...