3 months later back to zero.

People say that dying isn't the solution... But piling this with my eternal single status, loneliness and other problems...

Life is a torture.

Half of the time I look forward to my death, it doesn't scare me since I don't see the real point of my life, what scares me is if my agony would be slow and painful.

But then what? I just stop existing and it's like I fell asleep? Do I see light? Darkness? Nothing? What is nothing?

I was literally falling asleep at the toilet before the break... I need a coffee

That's it.

Oh, it's in the city near my small town

Now I want a tuna 🥪

This blows... Wtf is that a thing anyways, what a stupid, fascist way of censorship. It's like you getting cattle marked for life in a social media and I didn't do anything. I didn't insulted anyone or attacked any minority, it sucks because the communities I followed about the media I consume are there. And only them hold the "market" of forum like groups since Google plus death. No other app comes close to them. Posting here is like posting in a desert for that media I liked.

Last Sunday, while I was playing Xbox, my little bro (he's 15, but I'm like more than double his age) asked me if I knew "these songs" obviously I'm unplugged from modern pop music so I didn't knew a single one, just by curiousity I asked him to play some older music, specifically music from the time I arrived to the country I'm living now and he was fascinated about it.

Keep in mind he was born in this country, we have the same mother but different father, so this is technically "his music" but he never heard it because apparently it was too old, despite being pop hits back in 2006 - 07

Next day, he's listening old music all by himself, and learning the lyrics. Maybe to impress his friends or whatever. I was never like that, even at his age. Then again after reaching my teenager years I basically stopped having friends. It's amusing.

Valentine's...

Another memo about my failure as an adult. At the warehouse I'm working lots of the package and merch are hearts, plushies, and similar heart shaped stuff, plus some Xmas decorations for some fucking reason...

Is there any way to escape it? I guess not. I probably wouldn't think too much about it if I was younger but since last week was my bday ready to remind me that I'm getting old... This back to back just crushes me.

I'm going to be 35 and nothing changes my life has been a boring slow downward spiral. Sometimes I welcome death to take me but unless it's a heart attack I don't see that happening anytime soon. And I don't feel like ending myself.

Still sexless, loveless with literary no friends and with a temp job that I dislike. I just drift in this world, I guess I could be worse, living under a bridge, but I still live with my mother and uncle, sleeping in a minuscule room shared with my uncle (he's another "loser" like me in his late 40s non married living with his sister, my mom). I'm sure y'all heard this before, life is unfair, and it's true, and I'm sure some other people out there are doing worse than me and are better "fighters" in life. But I'm not them, I'll never be them, it's not in me being that type of person.

Btw I'm not saying this just to get a response from you and I don't need a "happy birthday" reply... If anything that would piss me off more due being insincere, you are not my family and you don't care about me in the slightest (and rightfully so). But I just needed to say this to ease my pain.

Now maybe you can understand why I welcome the reaper, maybe you can tell me if you're in a similar situation.

... I just wanna sleep

The reverse of that post I've made a week ago...

Rules: pick one movie or series and explain why you actually enjoyed it despite the criticism.

For me: The JJ Abrams Star Trek movies, by far the best ST stuff ever made, I couldn't take seriously the original universe with the dated effects and stiff acting, same goes for NG... These movies did ST actually great looking and much more believable, not just the effects.

At work, sometimes I take a bathroom break just to escape. Don't use the bathroom, I just wanna stop looking people I don't care about around me and the noise. I'm not physically tired, since the job isn't demanding that way, but mentally I can't stand it. That's the main problem, it's a warehouse so it's inevitable. In a perfect world I would be almost completely alone and the job would be a 15 minutes from my home at walking speed...

Both of it aren't a reality.

AKA how are you surviving it?

Mom and her partner are going to a reunion with some neighbours, get drunk and whatever and invited me but i won't go. I know how those parties are and I hate being surrounded by alcoholic ignorant people and people I don't know... My little bro (16 yrs old) goes out with his friends. My other bro that is 5 years younger than me (he's 29 years old) Will pass the NYE with her fiance and her family in their families restaurant.

So I'll stay in my room alone again. There's no reason to go outside. The stupid fireworks won't let me sleep anyways so I'll play Xbox and watch some p*rn maybe. I know it can be seen as pathetic for some, but that's my reality and I can't do anything about it.

Rules: explain why

Ready player one.

That has to be one of the cringiest movies I've seen, is tries so hard, too hard with it's "WE LOVE YOU NERD, YOU'RE SO COOL FOR PLAYING GAMES AND GETTING THIS 80S REFERENCE" message and the whole "corporation bad, the people good" narrative seems written for toddlers... The fan service feels cheap and adds nothing to the story.

Finally, they trying to make the people believe that very attractive girl with a barely visible red tint spot on her face is "ugly"... Like wtf?

Yet it received decent reviews plus being one of the most successful movies of that year.

I didn't went anywhere and stood in my room 24, 25 and 26 as usual... Why can't I just never wake up... I don't wanna go to work, I hate the people there but I need money and I most likely get fired at January

Fuck life. Honestly

The fact there's nothing I can't do to hurt him or his reputation in any way pisses me off.

Resident evil Deadly Silence

I already bought some presents, I rather stay in my room... There's nothing really to celebrate for me, I just want this to get over.

Xmas, new year, valentine's... Seems like the festivities are there just to remind me how much I failed as an adult man incapable of getting company. It's been over a decade since I've felt this way and nothing changes.

Alcohol and porn has lost its charm over the years.

I have a Samsung watch 6. But I dunno... I'm feeling like I wanna worry less about charging devices recently. And this Casio F 105 W looks great and was cheap.

Bonus question... Have you ever said "yeah, that fits" once you got a password?