I haven't posted in a while and my comments have been sporadic at best, but I wanted to let yall know I'm still here. I love seeing all of your cute selfies, with or without your beautiful smiles. I cherish all the love and support shared here.

I've been meaning to post but I'm not doing the best. I'd say it's because I have mono and the exhaustion has destroyed my motivation, I'd say it's because I'm a little over weight and don't like how I look in the mirror, I'd say it's because I don't have any new outfits to share. But honestly, I'm just a bit depressed and don't feel entirely comfortable being fem in my home. There is definitely some dysphoria sprinkled in there.

I do have some new outfits id like to share, I'm working on a few pastel punk fits I'm absolutely loving. I've always loved purple and yellow but I'm finding myself drawn to mint green at the moment. I got this great black overall dress and this super soft mint crop sweater. Trying to find matching leggings and jewelry. It's been alot of fun! A big thank you to AnxiousMiisha for turning me on to Vinted, an even bigger thank you to Brooke for being the best sister a girl could ask for, and the biggest thank you to all of you for inspiring me to keep chasing my joy.

A big hug to all of you lovely ladies!

Love,

♡♡♡Nissa♡♡♡

Please ignore the furry bits I'm too lazy to shave right now. I don't care that there are 4 shades of purple. I absolutely love it! The flannel has a hood so I'm planning on this being my first in public outfit. I have some cute face masks so I can stay pretty anonymous. I also got my first matching bra and pantie sets which are great still getting used to how they feel but enjoying the look alot. Definitely ups my femininity. Also painted my toenails yellow the other night, love the bright happy color!

Hope you are doing well! Thank you all for being you!

Love,

♡♡♡Nissa♡♡♡

Edit: spelling as per usual

Here goes...

I had a therapy session tonight, it went well just not long enough. I still have questions, I'm still really confused, I've never needed more time with my therapist before.

Let me start over

Hi, I'm Nissa! But also howdy, I'm Lewis. I'm not one, but both. Dual-binary as I call it. Is this a thing? Being trans doesn't mean be this, get in the box. There is no wrong way, right?! But to let myself be Nissa I have to give up something of Lewis's. To keep being Lewis, Nissa will continue to suffer. I can buy and wear the clothes, I can wear the make up and style my hair but it'll only be half steps. I love my skirts but I also love my three piece suits.

I started writing this last week after my therapy session. I don't feel like I had enough time and even started crying, not knowing what to do or what I can do. I haven't been around much lately because I've felt so confused. I haven't girlmoded in almost 2 weeks, partly because of this, partly due to outside stressors, and partly due to my wife's stress and needing Lewis.

I did some digging today and turns out bigender is totally a thing. I can be both, there are others like me. I can rock makeup and a mustache. I can grow my hair out again and style it while still enjoying a 3 peice suit. I love painting my nails and I want to get better at it. I am honestly considering laser hair removal for everything sans mustache cuz shaving sucks.

I want to continue to be apart of this community because my trans side is fem and I need your help and support. When I'm talking to all you lovely ladies I'm Nissa, but I can be Lewis at the same time. Being here and supporting you makes me happy. I don't know what my future holds, but that's okay, no one really does. I know 2 things for sure:

1. I'm going to keep coming back here, sharing my stories, pics as I get more confident, and mostly to bask is the glow of all of you maybe live vicariously through you too

And B. I have a new dress at home that I'm going to try on this evening, and if I don't hate it I'll try and make a post

Thanks for listening

Love you all!

♡♡♡Nissa♡♡♡

I'm having a hard day, but i know one thing for sure. I might just pull wires through tubes and make lights go burrrr, but I support you! Keep being lovely ladies, I'll make sure your lights are on

So I found a really cute sundress I would like to buy, but I would like to increase my bust size a little to fill it out. I found some silicone bra inserts on amazon, both individual and ones that are connected in the Middle. Do any of you have any experience in this department?

Any advice or experiences even tangentially related would be appreciated!

Thanks

♡♡♡Nissa♡♡♡

I'm trying to feel more feminine this week so I got one of those electric body shavers meant for sensitive areas. I did my bikini zone and I'm absolutely loving it! It's sooo so nice to feel smooth down there. I didn't do the best job as I still need to learn how to use it better.

I want to do my legs and chest too, but I think I'll wait for this weekend. I know i could get a closer, smoother shave with a razor but last time I did it burned all over for days. Obviously I did it wrong. Still scares me though.

Just felt like sharing

Have a wonderful day!

♡♡♡Nissa♡♡♡

Does anyone know where I'm can find cute bra/bralette and pantie sets? I really want cute comfy matching sets and the only place I've found is warriorsandscholars.com and they have like no stock.

Any help is appreciated!

Thanks

♡♡♡Nissa♡♡♡

Rocking a very Avril look today, love this skirt! I wasn't sure what footwear I could girlmode in with out spending a ton until I remembered I have Doc Martin's from when I was 15 and was trying to pull off a punk rock look.

Got some new fat laces for them, my favorite color combo purple and white on one and trans pride on the other. Just need to cut them to length, got them long since I had no idea how long they needed with the layering. Have multiple pairs of each so I can switch to anyone color or combo.

Hope all you lovely ladies are having a splendid day!

♡♡♡Nissa♡♡♡

Rocking a very Avril look today, love this skirt! I wasn't sure what footwear I could girlmode in with out spending a ton until I remembered I have Doc Martin's from when I was 15 and was trying to pull off a punk rock look.

Got some new fat laces for them, my favorite color combo purple and white on one and trans pride on the other. Just need to cut them to length, got them long since I had no idea how long they needed with the layering. Have multiple pairs of each so I can switch to anyone color or combo.

Hope all you lovely ladies are having a splendid day!

♡♡♡Nissa♡♡♡

Felt cute last night in my new matching skirt and socks!

♡♡♡Nissa♡♡♡

Felt cute last night in my new matching skirt and socks!

♡♡♡Nissa♡♡♡

Realized something awesome this morning. After girlmoding off and on all weekend, the wife and I took a mental health day yesterday. She needed some boy mode time with me to help sort through our feelings. We were also hella wrecked from all the easter socializing.

Anywho, as I've said before I work in the trades around mostly straight right-wing men. You know the funniest thing about straight right-wing men? They are the gayest mother fuckers on the planet. I squeezed past a guy in the shit shack durring morning huddle and he said 'oh so you don't want to cuddle with me?' Which I replied ' No, I just want to hold you from behind' 'okay, you can be the big spoon'

Later on the guys were signing up for softball and were pressing me to join. I'm really not a sports girl, so I told them I'd just be their cheerleader. 'I already have a cheerleader, it's my wife' and I said 'that's okay, you can have two. We'll even get matching outfits!'

They laugh cuz it's a joke and I'm just sitting there picturing myself in a cute uniform with pig tails and pom-poms.

I may have to boy mode on the outside, but no one can stop me girl moding on the inside.

Stay tuned for more thoughts and (hopefully soon) pictures from me! Have a wonderful day ladies! Love you!

♡♡♡Nissa♡♡♡

Edit:Spell check

A guy from straight different trade just came up to me and said 'Hey Beautiful, how we doing'. Inside I'm grinning ear to ear!

Realized something awesome this morning. After girlmoding off and on all weekend, the wife and I took a mental health day yesterday. She needed some boy mode time with me to help sort through our feelings. We were also hella wrecked from all the easter socializing.

Anywho, as I've said before I work in the trades around mostly straight right-wing men. You know the funniest thing about straight right-wing men? They are the gayest mother fuckers on the planet. I squeezed past a guy in the shit shack durring morning huddle and he said 'oh so you don't want to cuddle with me?' Which I replied ' No, I just want to hold you from behind' 'okay, you can be the big spoon'

Later on the guys were signing up for softball and were pressing me to join. I'm really not a sports girl, so I told them I'd just be their cheerleader. 'I already have a cheerleader, it's my wife' and I said 'that's okay, you can have two. We'll even get matching outfits!'

They laugh cuz it's a joke and I'm just sitting there picturing myself in a cute uniform with pig tails and pom-poms.

I may have to boy mode on the outside, but no one can stop me girl moding on the inside.

Stay tuned for more thoughts and (hopefully soon) pictures from me! Have a wonderful day ladies! Love you!

♡♡♡Nissa♡♡♡

Edit:Spell check

A guy from straight different trade just came up to me and said 'Hey Beautiful, how we doing'. Inside I'm grinning ear to ear!

Thank you all for the support yesterday and the day before! All the love, the understanding, the support, the encouragement, and most of all the stories reeeeeaaaaallllyyyy helped me. I spent a good chunk of my day yesterday playing starfield and looking at trans/egg memes, and I think yall maybe right. I still am not sure who I am but I can say with a bit more confidence

Hi, I'm Nissa!

I talked with my wife last night, told her I thought I was trans and let her read my post and all of your comments. I sat there scared and crying while she read. She gave me a bit hug and told me she loved me no matter what. She said even if it turns out she married a woman, she will stay by my side and support me with anything and everything thing my future might hold. I showed her a brallete and panties set I thought was really cute and she bought it for me.

Right now the only thing I know for sure my future holds is talking to my therapist and loesing 30lbs, but for my health not because I'm trans.

When I woke up this morning my first clear headed though was "ugh I don't want to get up". My second clear headed thought was "I'm Nissa, and thats okay." and to thank you for being here, listening to me, and helping me. It really means the world to me.

I occasionally whisper in my head, 'I'm Nissa, and that's okay' and it makes me smile. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart, today is a bright new day and I have a bright future ahead of me!

• Love Nissa