Funny joke, haha... Unless you know ballet costumes.

Most likely, she'd be wearing tights and no underwear under that, because the tights have the crotch situation of panties, hopefully. Also, leotards and the like only work if they go over your bathing suit area down there, so that's another layer to obscure the goodies. Maybe she didn't get a bikini wax and forgot her tights?

Anyway, sorry if I ruined any fantasies...it's pretty hot in theory, but I'm telling you it is much more gnarly (not just the feet) than pretty.

I lost myself. I married someone who slowly whittled me down to nothing over ten years.

I am divorcing him. It's been five months since I just didn't go home. It's been really hard, hardest thing I've ever done, but I'm coming back to life slowly.

I can't wait to see who I become.

What energy drink is shaped like that?? Maybe the diameter is similar, but no way it's the size of a whole can.

What a crazy context for this excerpt. Clear example of the depth of anti-semitism during this time period.

It is "A Jew" telling a Christian boy where to go in England once he gets there. While the boy thinks the Jew is looking out for him, he is actually sending him to be butchered by the Jews in Winchester, which he characterizes as the most moral place in England after he goes on and on about the wretchedness of all the other places in England the boy might come upon. He gives the boy a note to show to the Jews in Winchester, "written in Hebrew" so the boy doesn't actually know what it says. Boy gets to Winchester and does as told, then soon disappears. Clearly he's been killed by the Jews, but why they had to go to so much trouble to get him to Winchester is unclear.

Oh... Right... That's because this is all made up by Christians desperate for reasons to get rid of Jews.

Yes, women also think these things. I'd jump in front of a bullet for almost anyone. And it's a larger possibility than most people that I'd have a chance to do so since I'm a teacher in Texas. 😬

The phrase is "One bad apple spoils the barrel."

Literally means all are bad if one is bad.

Edit: verb simplification.

Shit. Now I want to work at an aquarium. Sassy scallops.

I am frighteningly okay with this?

This unreasonably makes me happy, and I am going to have a much better day today just by thinking about it. Thank you so much for sharing.

Dear God, I hate this so much. Please give me a way to make these motherfuckers feel just a percentage of the kniving pain they unknowingly stab me with... May they understand why they must change their ways.

His eyes uncovered!

Blackjack hadn't been invented yet. Hell now definitely has blackjack.

For real. Dealers rarely have 93 bricks of cocaine, like this guy.

Ah, so he was just following his set of the instructions. This situation is exactly why I teach students to always put some kind of noun after a "this," so that it is clear what "this" refers to.

At least it's only two floors?

Mrs. True has instilled those ethics in him! He daren't do anything else!

This is what The Onion should be doing always. That and the person from the street bits.

There were curfews in walled towns like London: all citizens were expected to be home with their fires out once the church bells tolled nine. Or maybe it was eight. Anyway, to walk at night then was nefarious in itself, as there was absolutely nothing worth doing that wasn't nefarious after curfew.

Everytime I vote for you, I taste 34 other felony convictions!!

Very chill, dude.