I remembered exactly what you are talking about. This was the closest thing I could find at a glance. Zug seems to have been archived on the Internet Archive so it may have the actual post on there. I also got a good laugh out of the p-p-p-PowerBook saga from SomethingAwful around the same time.

https://blogs.chicagotribune.com/news_columnists_ezorn/2009/08/put-your-shamu-on-the-bottom-line-and-join-the-revolution.html

If you can happen to get to 92, there is something called a Ceiba Crook that is very plain. Almost just straight up a stick, but not perfect. It looks to be a similar color to the guard stick, with the wrapped handle. The Cryptlurker's however is probably the best option.

https://ffxiv.gamerescape.com/wiki/Ceiba_Crook

Is it really that simple? I’ve been looking into doing this myself. I have a great grandpa that came over in the early 1900’s. It seemed very difficult and involved. Expensive as well. I was intimidated enough at the moment to not try and start the process

I am extremely fortunate and privileged in that I have his birth and marriage certificate, as well as his parents' certificates. According to old family stories, apparently he fled from a village in Italy that has since become a tourist attraction. Descendants of that village formed a group through the power of the internet. They actually have family trees dating back into the early 1700's which is cool as hell. I got in contact with them recently and was given my family tree which at least to my great great grandparents on his side is accurate to some Ancestry research from about 10 years ago.