It snapped and wound itself back inside the mechanism inaccessibly, and I became the freak wandering round with a belt attached to his dog, trying to make it home before his trousers fell down.

Ye TIFU big time, not only today but the next years to come.

I always thought I wanted kids, but after we married I started realising I don't want kids. I like the freedom I have, playing video games, going to gym, travel,... all with only my wife.

My TIFU: I realised way too late after marrying and building a house that wanting kids will never be what I want. I always listened to people: "That will change, believe me"; "When your older you will!"

The thought of a kid might be good sometimes, but the more I think of it the worse it gets.

I had to talk with my wife and she started crying, understandable.

We are now in our house, I still love her and she still loves me but the kids problem is a huge problem cause she only wants kids with me. She is now 33, already "old" for kids.

I think I destroyed everything. I can't change somehow that I don't want kids, I was hoping that my thoughts of "Yeah maybe in future, would be cool" would turn into something I'd do anything for. But it's just not happening and I feel like I lived a lie to her, giving her wrong hopes and we married, built house,...

It's nothing I couldn't solve though, I just feel bad for her and I feel like I should just give her a kid before her chance vanishes. I don't think she will find a new man in a while to get kids right away. She is already 33.

I don't know what her plans are yet. I told her Im open to anything, let her date and find someone I don't want to be in her way and I won't make it harder than it already is. I'd just disapear a while and if she needs me she can call. I'd always be there for her, even if she finds a new person and this person would break up with her I'd support her even if it wouldn't be my own child.

It's weird cause I still love her, she loves me (I guess), but the "child problem" is so huge I dont want to say: "you cant have kids" nor do I want to just get a kid to make her happy.

The best thing that could happen is if she would find someone who wants kids and loves her just as much as I do and me leaving.

Once this is all over I will never ever get a new person in my life. Not because I couldn't, I just want my peace. I think Im a loner and better off alone. But I'd still be there if she calls me in the middle of the night (if she would, I don't think she'd ever do it after this) but I'd still remain helping her if ever needed. This doesn't make it easier for her though. And not for me either.

But the TIFU is about me fuc.king up and I guess it's all me to blame for not wanting childrend and knowing this so "late" after all this.

Nothing I can fix. The only solution would be just making a kid and playing my role the next 18 years until it moves out.

EDIT: Im just discovering that I more and more do not want kids. Looking at my friends, who can't sleep all night, who can't go on vacations or afford simple things,... or even worse: looking at my friend who has 3 kids and a house but divorced. He is living in a 20m² room, paying 1200 € child support and 50% f the house and he is broke. And yes, there are also positive examples of quiet kids and good families, but I just don't want to risk it and just cause I raise a kid doesn't mean it'll be with me forever.

I know many people 60+ who have children that never visit them.

Wanted to download track where seems only surviving upload's on some stupid site called toneden where you've follow artist's Spotify + sub to newsletter to "unlock" download

• Track's not uploaded anywhere on YouTube
• Not on artist's (Bandcamp|other music service)
• Purged from artist's sound cloud page

First steps:

1. Create throwaway Spotify
2. Create archive.org account so wen download , can make publicly available for peops who want it without toneden stupidity
3. Go to track page try following toneden's instructions
4. Spotify auth window stays white never loads
5. Tried toggling off some add ons (request control → canvas blocker → violentmonkey) . No dice
6. Temporarily removed custom ubo filters . No dice

Would hafta create new temp profile with only basic ubo config to hopefully get every thing working , here's how that went

1. Accidentally set profile directory to rꝏt folder of zen browser install , thinking it would automaticly create folder with that profile in it
2. Tried deleting profile thinking it wouldn't remove core files
3. Tried creating profile in different location
4. Remains stuck
5. LꝏK in zen installation folder , most items deleted
6. Items missing from profile folder I normally use
7. Tried asking for help in Zen's discord , no response

Devastating if Can't roll back , didn't take any recent profile backups . Don't want to lose hard work with custom userChrome

TL;DR : Wanted to (download|archive) track only available on toneden → Accidentally corrupted Zen browser install

Fuck toneden and similar services

Today as me and my SO were coming home from a morning walk, I felt a fart coming through. As they were unlocking the door, I stood there, letting the fart slowly make it's way out.

Feeling the fart nearing it's destination, i started contemplating going all the way and just going to the bathroom. Finally, the fart leaves me, the noisy street and the distance between us was enough to ensure my stealth.

Suddenly I notice that my SO is looking at me with a slight giggle.

"Whats funny?" I ask, fearing that I overestimated my stealthiness.

"I know what you are thinking right now." They reply with a giggle.

I slightly freak out not knowing what they think I'm thinking, because in my head I had no thoughts that were related to us right now.

"What do you mean?" I ask, slightly scared

"You are figuring out if you need to poop, right?"

"What?? How TF can they know that??" I ask myself as I get flustered and confused.

Eventually they tell me that I have a "Contemplating Poop" face and that they always know if I'm considering taking a dump.

Anyway...

I use Apple Books app to read a PDF textbook. I highlighted a lot of stuff on around 500 pages of small font text.

I sync all my progress to iCloud. Yesterday, I turned off Wifi during reading to focus on studying.

Today, I opened the app and clicked on the book but it didn’t open. I tried troubleshooting for the whole afternoon but couldn’t get the file to open. I essentially have to reread 500 pages and highlight everything again.

Always, always back up your work.

I fucking did it again, just a few minutes ago. This time on a bike. I had the old brake pads out, i leaned on the handle bar to stand up and get the new ones because I'm old and managed to bump the brake handle against the wall with my body weight. The caliper piston shot out of there and mineral oil is all over the place, all over the rotor, all over me. So now i need to order a bleed kit for a bike, which I'd need eventually anyway but I'm just annoyed because I made this mistake years ago on a prius.

I was changing a lug stud, they need to be in the 12 o'clock position to come out but I had the car in park and only jacked on one side and the caliper was already hanging by a bungee cord. As I went to put the car in neutral I pushed the brake without thinking and I hear a thunk followed by a metallic rolling noise. I shot the caliper piston across my driveway. So as soon as it happened on my bike I fucking new exactly how I fucked up. Typing this out has calmed me down, lol. I use arch btw.

TLDR: I tried to change brake pads and shot out my caliper piston. Again.

This weekend I thought it would be nice to pull the weeds out of the yard and clean up the wife's garden (giggity). I should have worn gloves because by the end my hands had a couple of blisters and cuts (dark giggity?). No big deal, I grab a couple bandaids so I could flaunt the red badges of my husbandry not look like a leper.

This morning I had an in-person interview, after being out of work for a few months. I get ready and start heading to the place, but didn't thnk to grab a fresh bandage from the house. Oh well, I will just have to raid the car's first aid kit.

I park exactly 15 minutes ahead of the interview like a champ, review my notes, redress my extremely minor injuries, then head on in. I'm mildly aware of the bandaid on my palm but am at that moment focused on chatting with the HR rep who set up the interview between me and the boss, as one does.

She asks me to wait a few minutes while the boss finishes up a previous meeting, so I sit and open my notes to jot down questions. I look at my hands and can tell the bandaid is clearly struggling, so I smash it down, because you have one job bandaid, now get back to work.

I'm called into the guy's office, we exchange pleasantries, and get to talking. It's going well! I get a laugh out of him, some bonding and rapport is built, and then, I see it. My stupid hand, stupidly gesturing while I stupidly blathered about my stupid work history, is bare.

I paused a beat, maybe a beat and a half, with all of my brain's ram immediately consumed by trying to remember if I had removed it and forgotten, if not then where was it, was it stuck to me, is it on the floor...no, stop it you moron, you have to listend and convince this guy he's about to make the best decision of his career by hiring you.

The rest of the interview goes well enough, we agree to keep talking and he says that I could expect to hear from him soon, but I know I'm distracted. At the end I'm doing the thing where I'm checking pockets for keys and phone & stuff while my eyes were scanning everywhere I was for that little fucker, but no luck. Whereever it was, it wasn't going to be me that found it.

To whoever does, I'm really very sorry.

TLDR: a bandaid I was wearing during an interview fell off at some point and I couldn't find it. FML.

Obligatory not today, but a long time ago when I was at university, I was making my way to a lecture one afternoon. The road I was walking alongside was incredibly busy, with constant traffic and hundreds of buses daily.

At a certain point, a van that was unloading was parked on the pavement, blocking pedestrians from using it. It meant that anyone heading up the street on foot had to walk in the road around it. 

I started making my way into the road around the van at the same time as a female student coming in the other direction. This happened just as a bus was barrelling towards me behind the girl, in the same direction she was walking.

I knew the bus would be extremely close to us because of all the traffic, and the girl had walked further into the road so she could walk around both me and the van. Then I noticed she was wearing headphones and wouldn't have any idea that the bus behind her was bearing down. In a split second I realised I had to do something or this girl was going to die. Just as we were passing each other, I swung my arm behind me to push her towards the van, out of the path of the bus. I thought I was saving her life.

Except I misjudged it. I must have left it a fraction of a second too late. The bus driver on the other hand had read the situation and had steered quickly enough to avoid her. My reactions had been worse. Instead of shoving her out of the way via her shoulder, my arm swung around and although I managed to make contact with her, that contact was on her arse. I literally ended up doing nothing but slapping her ass.

Mortified, I stopped in my tracks and turned around to apologise. But she didn't react. She kept on walking. Then I realised - with her headphones in, and the bus missing her, she had no idea of the danger she was in, and in her mind, all that's happened is some random man has just sexually assaulted her on the way home, and she was too shocked or scared to turn round and ask what the fuck.

This happened nearly three decades ago and I still think about this poor girl. There is a 100% chance that I am this woman's #metoo story, when in reality I was just some idiot trying to be a hero.

Obligatory: this was yesterday (1/20/24)

In the US 1/20/24 was the last day to buy stamps at the old postage rate. The flat rate for postcards was 51 cents and was going up to 53 cents the next day.

They have a concept called forever stamps for regular letters and a similar thing for postcards. If you buy them today at today's price, you can use them at any time in the future regardless of price increases. So if you'll mail letters or postcards, they're a good deal and future investment.

So anyways we ran to the post office at 4pm. The office was closed except for the self service machine. We need about 90 postcard stamps so I figured I'd get 100 to have some extras for the future.

I was so excited to see postcard stamps for 51 cents. I took a picture: https://i.imgur.com/M997Nfg.jpeg

So we bought 100, which happened to be the most we can buy at once.

At that point the machine began printing 100 individual 51 cents stamps.

Now you may have noticed the issue: it wasn't 100 postcard stamps, but rather 100 stamps each saying 51 cents of value.

It took a long time as each stamp was printed one by one, but I got to stand there sad as I didn't get my forever postcard stamps.

Now to mail my postcards, I'll need to buy 2 cents of postage each (or more when it goes up again). I'll be more careful next time.

Tldr: I bought 51 cent stamps instead of postcard stamps for 51 cents.

Edit: commented with an update after a few days.

This happened a few years ago, before the pandemic, at a MUN. A model of the United Nations. You might be familiar with it, but for those who aren't, it's a university activity that simulates a United Nations debate. We basically choose a character in some commission and role play as important world leaders. This type of activity is very popular among law and political science students.

I participated my first year in law school. I did it well, I think, but it has hard ngl. Besides playing role-playing video games my whole life, I never did any IRL role-playing, like DND or anything like that, so I was not used to actually having to act, and instead I just took it as doing what a diplomat would do. But anyway... that was my first year.

In my second year I participated again, this time there was a Historical Commission. This one would follow different rules and standards. It would put us in the time of the Cold War, more specifically the Cuban Missile Crisis. This commission would have 2 antagonistic chambers. The Western one, with the US and its allies, and a Soviet one, with Russia, the other Soviet countries and their allies.

The idea was exciting, so I signed up for the Soviet Chamber, because why not? Being among the Soviets sounded so fun. There was a selection of historical figures to choose from, except for Nikita Jrushchov, who would be played by one of the experts who organized the whole event. Same for JFK in the Western Chamber. There was one name that I thought would be perfect for me: Andrei Gromyko, Minister of Foreign Affairs of the Soviet Union. I chose Gromyko as my character.

We did a lot of research to stay in character and know how the Soviets would act and make decisions. In a way, we had it easier than the Americans because we didn't have that pesky democracy, but on the other hand, we could be sent to Siberia if we screwed up, whereas the Americans had the right to a fair trial.

The organizers of the Commission had certain scripted events, like the death of JFK and the discovery of nuclear missiles in Cuba, but otherwise we had the creative freedom to change history. I remember that at one point we planned to overthrow the government of Romulo Betancourt in Venezuela so that we could use it as a strategic territory because we were about to lose Cuba.

MUN is a big event at my university and so many people signed up and even people from other universities joined. At the end of the first day, we had a lunch break. Then I saw an old friend I hadn't seen since my last year of high school. I greeted him and we talked a little while I ate. I told him a bit about what we had done in the morning, and then the lunch break ended.

After we resumed our discussions, an organizer came into the room and announced that there was a spy among the representatives of the Soviet Chamber, and they were conducting an investigation to discover the spy.

We had discussions, debates and changed the story (for the worse lol). Until the second half of the afternoon. The organizers came back and announced that they had found the spy. It was Andrei Gromyko who was seen talking to CIA Director Allen Dulles.

I was as shocked as everybody else. I was immediately taken out of the room, then a member of the chamber took a (plastic) gun and pointed it at my head, saying that I had betrayed the Soviet Union and deserved a public and instant execution. Then he pulled the trigger and I just felt backwards. After that they went back into the room and I talked to the organizers for a while.

Since my character had died, I could have a fictional character to replace him. This seemed like a golden opportunity to me. My new character would be called "Dimitri Rascalov".

The rest of the MUN went by without much drama. Except for the very end, when the Western Chamber followed the advice of Henry fucking Kissinger and used every single nuclear weapon they had, and the world just went K-boom.

I didn’t know it fell down. 😔

About 30 minutes, I was cutting some wood when my hair got sucked into the saw's motor, pulling my face into the piece and giving me a bloody nose. I couldn't pull the saw out like then, so I carried the entire piece to my tool rack to cut the hair off with scissors.

Tie your hair up people.

So at work around lunch time I started feeling a lil hungry. Making what might not be considered the best of life choices I decided I was gonna go grab something from McDonald's. I pull up to the speaker and do my thing. During the process I noticed what I thought just happened to be a sequential drive through code you had to use in the app or summin', idk. Thinking that it was at the level of interesting most might consider to be mild, I put a picture of it on the community. I was immediately informed that's definitely not how that works, and I look like a freakin' jabroni.

TL;DR Thought I found something kinda neat and posted it to a community not knowing it was just going to make me look really uninformed.

TIFU by essentially pepper spraying my entire household.

We’re having a seafood boil later today for the 4th. Previously the potatoes have taken ages to cook, meaning more time spent outside in the Florida heat over a boiling pot. In an attempt to limit the time my husband will be outside in triple digit temps today I decided to pre-boil the potatoes on the stove after breakfast.

I threw some Zatarain’s seasoning in the pot & added water. While it was coming to a boil I cut the potatoes in half. As soon as the water started boiling I started coughing & knew shit had gone wrong. I immediately turned on the exhaust fan, but it was already too late.

If you’ve never had the pleasure of inhaling creole/cajun seasoning, let me paint you a word picture: imagine the pain and sharp discomfort of getting caught in a plume of smoke - your eyes are burning, your nose tingles with a pending sneeze and your throat feels raw & irritated. This was all those things, but invisible and also angrier somehow.

Everyone that came through the kitchen, dining room, & living room was squinting, coughing, sneezing, and looking very confused. This included the cats, which almost made it worth it.

TL;DR: This morning I aerosolized spicy seasonings on the stovetop and made inhabitants of my house pretty miserable for about 15 minutes.

Obligatory "not today" disclaimer: actually fucked up over two decades ago, but found out today.

At the dawn of theinternet, I made an account on imgur. I figured (correctly) that I wasn't going to use it often enough for the username to matter much, so I just went with the first part of my email adress and a number four times.

Turns out that there is such a thing as nazi number code and it's never a good idea to use an even number of 8s for usernames when you're not a nazi.

TL;DR: Didn't know about nazi code, accidentally selected an imgur username ending with the equivalent of a double Hitler salute

Two minutes ago, I decided to clean up the post-Reddit mess on my phone.

I uninstalled RIF, because I use Wefwef now.

I uninstalled kbin, because I use Wefwef now.

Lots of icons disappeared from my launcher. Oops.

In my haste, I failed to notice that kbin is not an app, but actually a browser app like Wefwef. So I did not uninstall kbin - in fact I uninstalled Firefox! And with that, I lost all my launcher shortcuts, all my open tabs, and all my browser apps ( including kbin but also including Wefwef).

I really don't know all the stuff I lost that way but hey, if. I don't miss it then maybe that's okay?

Facebook is a cesspool. I run a small "tech news and tips" page that local friends/family follow and where I'll post little tidbits. Today I made a post about "compartmentalizing" your online life and I didn't think and included the word "hack" in the post. It's just comment after comment of crap like this.

My boyfriend works for a charity organisation, and as part of their fundraising they were hosting a ball. The theme was to be "Brides and Grooms". His workmates and he discussed various costume ideas for the weeks leading up to the event.

About a week ago, we were brainstorming and came up with the brilliant idea to dress as a Bride and Groom, but in reverse. My partner is a big guy, and so I custom made him a beautiful wedding gown by sewing parts of an op-shop bargain dress together. I decided to wear one of his formal suits.

Fast forward to tonight, we were pumped for this event. We took the elevator up to the conference floor of the hotel, and the elevator doors opened.

Immediately we turned heads. So, apparently a Bride and Groom ball is NOT a costume party. There were tuxedos, bow ties and wedding dresses that were definitely not from Vinnie's (a second hand/thrift store). We were mortified. We looked at each other and grabbed a glass of wine each from the nearest waiter. We had seriously misread the situation, but it was too late to back out. We had to commit.

We spent the next three hours politely posing for people's photos, laughing about our fuck up and generally trying to play it cool. In the end we won the best dressed competition, with the MC announcing "We all know who they are. Both of them have beards, though one is crocheted!"

TL;DR my boyfriend and I went to a ball as a gender reversed Bride and Groom. It turned out that the ball was a formal event.

Technically this happened yesterday, but I'm still pretty mad at myself.

I've been riding my ebike pretty frequently to and from work. It's a short trip and basically the same amount of time as a car would take, so it just makes sense. My bike also has a cupholder, and I've been placing my keys in there to avoid being stabbed by them.

Yesterday, I had the brilliant idea of putting my headphones in there. I was trying to reduce clutter in my pockets and make it easier to peddle. Well, I hit a few bumps that were a little larger than usual, and with the traffic and trying to keep my head on a swivel I didn't notice my headphones bounce out of the cupholder.

I made it all the way home only to discover my massive error. Rip the $200 to replace those...