Any advice on how to break the "I can't do anything" loop?
I've recently found myself in a loop of not being able to do anything productive, feeling bad because of it, and then not being to able to do anything productive because I feel awful about not being productive. Any advice on how I can stop that?
I need to get insured, so that I can get treatment and maybe some meds (almost certainly some meds), but I'm too depressed to go to the proper office and talk to a clerk and then I have to go to the doctor and book a visit and then I have to go to that visit and wait in line, and the very prospect of doing that makes me more depressed. So I'm feeling too depressed to get the motivation to get treatment for my depression.
Too much IRL talking to too many IRL people. I'm stressed just thinking about it. I feel bad for writing this very post, because I feel like I'm procrastinating and waiving responsibility. I even feel bad about using the word "depression" for what I am going through, even though I've been officially diagnosed for over a decade now.
Advice would be appreciated.
8 replies
Something I learned in therapy: thoughts create feelings. Internal narratives control everything. Don't treat them by giving yourself positive affirmations, but instead confront your thoughts. Actively dismantle them. None of the reasons you listed truly prevent you from doing what you need to do. Idk if this is true for you, but for me, sometimes when I encounter a problem, I start thinking of how to explain the issue to someone instead of thinking of solutions or taking the basic first steps that crossed my mind. Which is incredibly unhelpful and ends up creating a more complicated narrative.
Also, we don't need to be productive all the time. If your not getting the basics done then that's a problem, but there is a lot of unhealthy pressure out there to just be MORE productive. We procrastinate for a reason. It's so we don't use more energy than we truly need to. When things become important enough we take care of them.
While it is correct that none of my issiues are physically preventing me from what I need to do, I FEEL like they do. And I've learned that I can try to ignore or explain my feelings, but that doesn't really stop them from affecting me. If I feel terrible and can't talk to people, I feel terrible and can't talk to people. And no amount of reasoning in my head can get me out of it. And I can't exactly dismantle this little voice inside my head that tells me how terrible I am being to everyone and myself by not doing anything. Because logically, I am being terrible. I am a problem to someone else, and it makes me feel bad. And I seem to be unable to not be a problem. If only I had someone to reassure me, or be with me in public places, I wouldn't feel so stressed going out. But that would be a problem to someone. They would need to take their own precious time and sacrifice it for me. Because I can't do it myself. Because I can't function in socety. I don't want to be a burden anymore. I don't think I even deserve that kind of help. I definitely don't, now that I think about it. I have nothing to give in return but a "thank you".
I'm also stressed because I know I'm going to get yelled at and insulted again for not going out and not doing what I was supposed to do.
And also, I don't want to have a meltdown in public. It's fine when I scream and cry at home, not so fine when I do it at the unemployment office. You feel me?
But thank you for the advice. I can at least try.
The distinction between thoughts and feelings is important. Feelings cannot be disagreed with. I think it would be more correct to say you don't THINK they prevent you. Thinking that you can't talk to people doesn't prevent you from talking to people. We do things all the time we didn't think we're doable. You keep saying you can't but there's no evidence for that. There's evidence that you haven't done what you needed to in the past but that doesn't mean you can't do it in the future. I have gone through what you're going through for most of my life. I still do. So yes, I feel you, but narratives are everything. It's not a fact that you will break down. That is a choice. Internal narratives can be chaotic but you can steer them.
I do agree with you. At least on principle.
I might've been inprecise in my wording. I don't THINK I can't talk to people. I don't WANT to talk to people. ::: spoiler spoiler I don't want peas, I don't like peas, I would rather starve than eat peas type of mentality. ::: What I am doing right now can't really be considered "talking to people", since it's not talking (it's writing), and I can't even verify I am conversing with a human. And even so, that human will never meet me in real life. It's different.
So it's not that I CAN'T do it, it's that I really, really, REALLY don't WANT to. On a level that it almost physically hurts to try. Now, I know that is not a logical stance, I am looking for a way to get out of it. If using facts and logic to get out of it doesn't seem to work, maybe I need something illogical. Could that work? I don't know. But I'm willing to try a lot, as long as it doesn't involve actually going outside.
I like your flow chart. I chart things sometimes to try and help me visualize stuff. But of all the different things you could try, the different things you could research or perspectives you could have, every single one of them converge to a single point.
Taking action.
Theres no magic secret to this. You can try thinking about it in different ways (is waiting in line at the clinic better or worse than slowly dying a very painful death cuz i never went to the doctor?) or different motivations you could try to create (i should practice self-love by taking care of myself medically) or plenty of other strategies. It all eventually boils down to taking action. And there is no way to bypass this.
Personally I like to think about the reason WHY im doing something. Im not trying to get insured cuz it'll make me money, or that it's easy or fun, im doing it because I've decided that my mental health is in need of some help, and regardless of any obstacle that might pop up along the way, I WILL see it done. Take those little wins and give yourself some grace to make mistakes.
Good luck friend, hope any of that helped.
The chart is just a tangentially related image I found on Google images.
Thank you for the advice.
Well that's just 4 things
Yes. You can see where the problem is.