Will I Ever Feel Like Myself Again?
Some days, i feel happy, and other days i feel completely lost. I miss the bubbly innocent version of myself who could enjoy little things without overthinking everything. This breakup has changed me in ways I never expected. I don't understand why I struggle to feel genuinely happy why crowded places make me anxious or why I sometimes feel like I'll never heal from this. Is it normal to feel this way after a painful breakup.
P.s.- emotional cheating basically led to our breakup and my low self esteem is making it harder to let go of the ideal version of him i had in my mind before i found out about everything.
Today is 38th day of no contact
9 replies
You're not trying to get your old self back. You're trying to get back to the version of you who didn't know yet.
Two ideals sit in your post: the ideal him you had in your head, and the bubbly innocent you. Same construction. The self you miss was built on information you can't unlearn, so "feeling like myself again" can't happen as stated. Not because you're broken. Because that self stood on a floor you now know has a hole in it.
Day 38 hurts like this for a reason that isn't him. Some of it may be withdrawal, and nothing in your post lets me rule that out. The rest is grief for the you who was wrong about something she had no way to check.
What's left to build is a self that knows. Less bubbly, less innocent, harder to fool. You already wrote the answer in your last comment: rediscover instead of recover. Keep that sentence. It's yours.
Feel like yourself again? Yep.
Is it normal to feel this way? Also Yep.
That relationship was the previous chapter of your life. You're currently writing the new one. What yourself feels like will change over time and it will necessarily include lessons you've learned from before, during, and post relationship. But it won't always be bleak. It may take a few months, maybe even years, but it will pass.
What's important now is to rediscover yourself. You miss the bubbly innocent version that doesn't have to over think everything, so do something spontaneous but low risk: eat dessert first, cut or dye your hair, get a mani-pedi over lunch, rent a scooter and head East for an hour before turning around, cook something. You don't need to push yourself to hang out in crowded areas right now if those currently make you anxious. Try a hike or a movie theater in the next town over. Just try not to pick up a bad habit like never going out or only eating icecream for dinner--your fundamental needs as a person remain consistent; it's okay to have cheat days as long as it isn't every day.
Find or rediscover things you like and friends you can trust. Dwell on those things and not your past partner, and it'll pass sooner than you realize.
It'll be okay.
Thank you this genuinely gives me some hope. i think i've been so focused on getting my old self back that i forgot i can rediscover myself in a new way too. i'll try taking small steps and finding joy in little things again. hopefully, someday this won't hurt as much.
This is the way.
Thanks for the backup <3 not sure I should judge your ability to assist but you sounded more sound than I did and I am greatful that others would support. May every road rise up to meet you
Yes you will. Also you won't notice you have changed like we all see ourselves at 9 the same as 16. You can claim happiness and grow, hell a child rapist can be in the highest position in the world, so no matter what mistake you made you can make a recovery. If you need to yap blow up my inbox and I'll do my best to always give an ear if you don't have one. If you have someone else I'd advise using it, talking to someone and being honest may help you out of feeling "lost". Your best friend you haven't talked to in a couple years, they probably still care about you and they might be that shoulder. If you don't know any or what not, just ping me and I promise I'll read it and do what I can. But I'm just another lost soul hoping we all help each other and do it well
Thank you, honestly. it means a lot that you're willing to listen without judging me. i'm still trying to figure things out and find myself again, but having someone remind me that i'll be okay someday really helps.
You're fine, do you want to talk about what your worried about, or just know others care. Promise you others out there will always care, because there are fools like me who care about everyone, lol. If you want to say more here go ahead, if it's to personal like I said just ping me, or just talk broadly about how you can identify the friend you may already have that you are forgetting
yeah, i’ve dm’d you. we can talk there.