"Sometimes men want kids like kids want a puppy"
An excellent reminder of why being CF is such a good choice. It's usually the people who think things through that make the active choice to take the path of staying childfree.
Otherwise, aside from a very tiny minority, it's overwhelmingly the mother who sacrifices the most.
Things are changing, slowly but surely, but even so. People need to stop believing that having kids is some sort of milestone, or the only way forward in life.
https://www.instagram.com/p/DdspwQkDec9/Open linkView original on lemmy.world
9 replies
The question is how good of a puppy you were?
I like to look at it this way; most people gloss over sleepless nights, getting sick "parties", being covered in vomit, diapers, poop... poop everywhere, and generalized destruction of anything and everything. It's not for everyone.
I'd go as far as to guess that most people who want kids think of it like getting a puppy. There's so much emphasis on things like kids being a "little bundle of joy" for the parents, but no thought into having the means or environment to actually give that kid a shot at a decent life.
When you think of having kids from the kid's perspective in the absolute hellhole of a world we're building for them, it's a lot less joyous.
You’re not wrong, a lot of folks see children as more fun and not the hard work it truly requires. But much like getting kids a puppy, the bulk of the responsibility often ends up on the mother.
Seeing my mom lose her entire identity outside of “mom/wife” after my parents split was the initial seed of why I do not want children.
There will NEVER be anything wrong with being a regretful parent. There will NEVER be anything wrong with being a human amd acknowledging that you have certain feelings. Thanks lady. Also the dad sounds like HE is the one who is ingrateful, what a twerp. Working everyday doesnt omit you from the responsibilities of being 'Dad'
Dang. I read that whole thing and just dang. Mothers need to be able to say they would choose differently or have regrets without being made into a monster. And I understand her point about how her husband is not an absent father, but she still bares the bulk of the responsibility for raising the kids.
Ya its just awful.
Personally I feel like she should have slowed things down after the first kid and understood just what tyoe of 'man' she is dealing with here. After the first kid was born she should hhave seen and understood if her man was gonna do what he is doing right now, whiich is giving her the overwehlming bulk of the workload for raising them. That to me is unacceptable. She should have sat him down when she noticed this and said 'Listen either you soend half the time raising them and let me justt be 'Me' and Ill let you be 'Corbin' during my time raising them OR we seperate. No compromises only two choices. Choose now and prove it to me.'
Dont keep on and keep om having kids or making compromises with abusers. The human mind and heart js a very important thing you cant be out here giving up your identity for a man who calls YOU ungrateful after you have given up your body and womb for him and his ' little puppies that he feels he needs to have or he'll be unfilfilled' and your own identity and hobbies for him and his kids too.
ALWAYS slow things down and understand who youre dealing with if you plan on becoming a parent....
But even before having the child its important to slow things down then too cause you have to know the tyype of person who YOU are. You have to be able to acknowledge that without a doub you will never regret becoming a parent and you see it very hard to life the rest of your life without having a child. Further proof as to why we need to give young people and young adults access to universal sex ed, birth controls and abortions.
I totally agree, but reevaluating things like that are hard to do when you have a little one to care for.
The sad truth is thatt most people lack acces to information on the childfree lifestyle, birth controls , and abortions so sadlt for mostt oof them they are never taught anything other than that having children is the ONLY way forward.