I was talking to my friend the other week, and they described how their therapist explained the difference between guilt and shame. They said that guilt is feeling bad about an action that you’ve taken (or not taken), while shame is feeling that you are bad.
I think that it can be good to feel guilt for some things as motivation for positive change so long as that does not turn into shame.
That is tough, and I want to agree but maybe this is an indication of how much work I have to do.
I feel guilty for having been a republican, I feel guilty for having picketed abortion clinics when I was a child, I feel guilty for not appreciating what systemic racism is until embarrassingly recently, and I feel guilty for all of the blind spots or reflexive bad thoughts that I still have in spite of my highly evolved intellectual positions.
Now most of those things were almost preordained by my parents, so I appreciate the guilt but don’t feel shame.
But, I do feel shame for all the years of moral failure; for suppressing all of the niggling discomfort at the logical conclusion of my beliefs at the time.
It’s funny they say this about sin but is actually true of real evil: you know when something isnt quite “right” about what you’re doing or believing.
I don’t live in that shame, but I am motivated by it.
there is something wrong with me tho, there's something wrong with my brain and body and those diseases sometimes affect my mental health, just nothing i can do about those things.
Yeah, this is like when people say "you aren't bad at X, you just need to do Y to improve at it". Like. What is "improving" if you cannot be good or bad at something?
So the sentiment of the OP is good, but I feel like they're motivated to use these definitions in really weird ways. Like yes, you should focus on how you can improve and you should know that it is possible to do so, and normal to need to do so, and you won't have these things wrong with you forever. But that doesn't techhnically mean there's nothing wrong with you; if there weren't, you wouldn't need to do these things to improve.
I think that makes this advice useful for people who need to feel it intuitively, but easily "misinterpreted" for people who are more literal about things.
18 replies
As someone much wiser than me once said, you must show yourself the same patience, love, and respect that you would show a close friend.
Just speaking kinder to yourself is monumentally beneficial
I was talking to my friend the other week, and they described how their therapist explained the difference between guilt and shame. They said that guilt is feeling bad about an action that you’ve taken (or not taken), while shame is feeling that you are bad.
I think that it can be good to feel guilt for some things as motivation for positive change so long as that does not turn into shame.
That is tough, and I want to agree but maybe this is an indication of how much work I have to do.
I feel guilty for having been a republican, I feel guilty for having picketed abortion clinics when I was a child, I feel guilty for not appreciating what systemic racism is until embarrassingly recently, and I feel guilty for all of the blind spots or reflexive bad thoughts that I still have in spite of my highly evolved intellectual positions.
Now most of those things were almost preordained by my parents, so I appreciate the guilt but don’t feel shame.
But, I do feel shame for all the years of moral failure; for suppressing all of the niggling discomfort at the logical conclusion of my beliefs at the time.
It’s funny they say this about sin but is actually true of real evil: you know when something isnt quite “right” about what you’re doing or believing.
I don’t live in that shame, but I am motivated by it.
💜💜💜
I read the words and know their meaning, but i cant believe them right now
in short - unintuitive?
Don't worry it's not a race, you'll get there eventually 👍
there is something wrong with me tho, there's something wrong with my brain and body and those diseases sometimes affect my mental health, just nothing i can do about those things.
>"Nothing wrong with me"
>describes all the things that are wrong with him
Yeah, this is like when people say "you aren't bad at X, you just need to do Y to improve at it". Like. What is "improving" if you cannot be good or bad at something?
So the sentiment of the OP is good, but I feel like they're motivated to use these definitions in really weird ways. Like yes, you should focus on how you can improve and you should know that it is possible to do so, and normal to need to do so, and you won't have these things wrong with you forever. But that doesn't techhnically mean there's nothing wrong with you; if there weren't, you wouldn't need to do these things to improve.
I think that makes this advice useful for people who need to feel it intuitively, but easily "misinterpreted" for people who are more literal about things.
Trauma don't care 😭
I think Hi Ren by Ren mirrors this sentiment for empathy.
That is such a deep hitting banger
doesnt help that i keep getting hurt by people who dont seem to want to be better or unlearn generational harm
You can't change other people much, gotta find ones who want to be good
thanks for the tip
Nothing wrong with me at all. Just something excessively wrong with practically everything else. Even this post 👀