Should I continue my relationship with him?
Currently, there’s a boy I like, and I know he likes me too. We’re close enough that we text each other “I love you,” but I’m still not secure enough to think he’s actually the right person for me.
I like that he likes me, but I don’t think I’m being treated the way I want to be treated.
I want him to make some time for me, but I feel like he prefers playing with his friends. I know it’s completely okay for him to spend time with his friends, and I don’t want to control that. I actually told him that it’s fine to play with them and only asked if he could text me a little more.
He said yes, but honestly, I haven’t noticed much of a difference.
He doesn’t really ask about my day anymore or seem curious about what’s happening in my life. At least, that’s how I feel. Things are also very different from when I first met him. I know people naturally change over time, but the change has been hurting me.
Another problem is that he sometimes compares things, and it can completely change the mood of our conversations. I also struggle to have proper conversations with him because whenever I’m telling him something, the conversation somehow ends up being about him before I’m even finished talking.
I’m not trying to be mean, but it makes me feel unheard.
Eventually, I started losing the desire to tell him about my day because I feel like there’s no point. I also don’t really feel comfortable sharing my problems with him because he isn’t very good at comforting me. He used to reassure me when I was insecure, but he doesn’t really do that anymore either.
Sometimes when he tells me he’s busy doing something else, I actually feel my chest tighten. I know that might be partly my own insecurity, but I also think my needs and his priorities might just be different.
I don’t expect to be his entire world. I just want to feel like I matter to him and that I’m a priority sometimes.
I’ve brought these things up multiple times, but my needs still aren’t really being met. Eventually, I got tired of bringing them up, so now I’ve been ignoring the problems and hoping they’ll somehow get better with time.
A while ago, he asked if I wanted us to be boyfriend and girlfriend and make things “official.” I wasn’t sure how to answer because of everything I’ve mentioned.
So, what should I do? Should I give this more time, talk to him again, or take this as a sign that we probably aren’t compatible?
8 replies
So this guy doesn't treat you like you want, doesn't make time for you, makes every conversation about him, won't change, and isn't even your boyfriend? I think you already know what you should do, because you haven't even listed any good qualities of this guy. Move on, this guy isn't even a good friend to you.
Pretty deep. I’ll definitely consider your suggestion.
I’d say talk to him about it? Like you basically turned him down from being in an official relationship and you’re complaining how he’s acting more aloof? Idk. Communication is important. If you want it to work talk to him about it and what you want. If it doesn’t work out then whatever. Maybe he does suck. Maybe he’s feeling similar to you and so he’s being more distant because he feels like you’re doing the same. Hard to tell if y’all don’t talk to eachother about it and what you want and such.
But yeah I mean if yall talk and nothing changes just break things off.
I’ve already brought this topic up multiple times, and I’ve honestly been pretty blunt about how I feel and what I need from him. Sadly, nothing has really changed after those conversations.
If you still think I should give it another chance and talk to him about it again, then of course I’m willing to do that. I just don’t want to keep repeating myself if nothing is going to happen afterward.
I mean, one more shot I suppose won’t hurt. But like have a sit down talk not mention it in passing or in text. Just say you wanna talk about when he asked if you wanted to be official or whatever and bring up all this and yall can hopefully figure out if you’ll put in the effort for eachother or if that’s not what yall want and just part ways or whatever. Worst that happens he agrees to it and does not change and then just leave his ass.
Thank you.
Every couple has to figure out for themselves what's a mutually agreeable balance of time spent together, solo time, and keeping up with friends and family.
When I was younger, I was prone to drop plans with friends for one-on-one time with a romantic interest. It wasn't healthy, and one person I dated took advantage of it to isolate me from my emotional support network of family and friends - positioning herself as sole supply of validation and approval.
Of course being with someone who starves you for contact and shows no interest in your inner life... isn't great either. Since different people have different social and "me time" needs, it can be a real incompatibility point. It's not about who's right or wrong, it's about balancing individual needs.
I’m starting to worry that we might not be compatible when it comes to our priorities and what we both want from a relationship.