Should I continue my relationship with him?
Currently, there’s a boy I like, and I know he likes me too. We’re close enough that we text each other “I love you,” but I’m still not secure enough to think he’s actually the right person for me.
I like that he likes me, but I don’t think I’m being treated the way I want to be treated.
I want him to make some time for me, but I feel like he prefers playing with his friends. I know it’s completely okay for him to spend time with his friends, and I don’t want to control that. I actually told him that it’s fine to play with them and only asked if he could text me a little more.
He said yes, but honestly, I haven’t noticed much of a difference.
He doesn’t really ask about my day anymore or seem curious about what’s happening in my life. At least, that’s how I feel. Things are also very different from when I first met him. I know people naturally change over time, but the change has been hurting me.
Another problem is that he sometimes compares things, and it can completely change the mood of our conversations. I also struggle to have proper conversations with him because whenever I’m telling him something, the conversation somehow ends up being about him before I’m even finished talking.
I’m not trying to be mean, but it makes me feel unheard.
Eventually, I started losing the desire to tell him about my day because I feel like there’s no point. I also don’t really feel comfortable sharing my problems with him because he isn’t very good at comforting me. He used to reassure me when I was insecure, but he doesn’t really do that anymore either.
Sometimes when he tells me he’s busy doing something else, I actually feel my chest tighten. I know that might be partly my own insecurity, but I also think my needs and his priorities might just be different.
I don’t expect to be his entire world. I just want to feel like I matter to him and that I’m a priority sometimes.
I’ve brought these things up multiple times, but my needs still aren’t really being met. Eventually, I got tired of bringing them up, so now I’ve been ignoring the problems and hoping they’ll somehow get better with time.
A while ago, he asked if I wanted us to be boyfriend and girlfriend and make things “official.” I wasn’t sure how to answer because of everything I’ve mentioned.
So, what should I do? Should I give this more time, talk to him again, or take this as a sign that we probably aren’t compatible?
4 replies
Wanting to start a relationship is usually the easy part. If you're already on the fence now, that's smoke on the horizon.
The best relationships I've had are the ones where conversation is effortless. What're you going to do when you hit a bump and you can't talk about it? A relationship should add value to both involved, but it sure sounds like yours is stressing you out.
Genuinely, at this point, it’s hard for me to have a conversation with him without feeling hurt, offended, or just leaving with a bad feeling. I know I might sound dramatic, but these feelings are real, and they’ve been affecting how I see our relationship.
I don’t want to end things with him because I still care about him and I still want what we have. But at the same time, I don’t want to make things official or move forward if I’m already unhappy with how I’m being treated now.
Part of me keeps thinking that maybe I should just wait and give him time to change. But I’m starting to realize that I can’t keep waiting and hoping he’ll become more attentive or understanding when I’ve already told him what I need. I don’t want to pressure him into changing, but I also don’t want to keep ignoring my own feelings just to make the relationship work.
it sounds like he has some growing up to do, and maybe you do too. guys are generally self-centered dicks. when you take this into account, things make a lot more sense.
source: guy
I also took into account that he can be a bit childish. At first, I thought maybe that was just him opening up to me and becoming more comfortable around me. I figured that guys can be like that when they’re close to someone. I also thought being childish could just mean being playful, but now I’m starting to wonder if I misunderstood what I was seeing and if it was actually immaturity instead.
The problem is that, after reflecting on myself, I realize I can be childish too. Because of that, I feel like bringing it up would make me sound hypocritical. I don’t want to criticize him for something I also do, but at the same time, I don’t want to ignore something that genuinely bothers me.
I honestly don’t know what to do with this predicament.