on Friday, some fucking idiot’s day began at 6:45 in the morning, when he announced that he had ‘solved’ the problem of high beef prices by allowing the import of ground beef from … where?

‘where?’ is exactly what reporters wanted to know, when they caught up with the fucking idiot later that day — and the fucking idiot was all ‘that’s for me to know and for you to find out.’

oh, goody. enjoy your un-inspected ground-up mystery meat from god knows where, folks. what could possibly go wrong? 

the fucking idiot was on that tarmac because he was on his way to his one public event of the day: a campaign rally in South Carolina for Lindsey Graham’s woefully-unqualified sister Darline.

now, I know what you’re going to ask: ‘did the fucking idiot’s diaper nurse come along, in case he made an unscheduled boom-boom?’ yes, she did.

oh look — the fucking idiot managed to be on the wrong side of an issue that literally everybody hates: data centers.

enjoy your noisy, polluting eyesore in the middle of what used to be your quiet community, peons. the fucking idiot doesn’t care. he’s a gazillionaire. he can afford to live far away from it.

the fucking idiot was ostensibly campaigning for Darline Graham, but he barely mentioned her. instead, he rambled incoherently about— what in the actual fuck?

the fucking idiot was inventing his own words again. he’s like a modern-say Shakespeare!

now, of all the things in this world that have never happened, here’s the one thing that’s never happened the most.

“in fact, hospitals now are doing reverse surgery at my order. they’re doing reverse surgery. nobody ever heard about it.”

**what on earth? nobody ever heard of it, because the fucking idiot just made it up, on the spot. nobody is doing this. **no hospital is doing ‘reverse transgender surgery,’ because the fucking idiot ordered it. 

the fucking idiot is fucking insane. he’s completely broken with reality. he’s cuckoo for you know what.

the fucking idiot’s day ended the same way it started, with him typing like a maniac onto his crappy app. 

while normal people were winding down their day, the fucking idiot was working himself into a Ginormous Mad, all because tanned-ball-sack aficionado Tucker Swanson McNear Carlson, Thomas Massie and Lady Space Laser were being insufficiently loyal to him.