Strenghten our children's covenant with Satan
So, I wrote this satirical piece a couple of years ago in a satanic subreddit. It did not go well, which I found ironic and funny. I think the general argument was that it would upset people and also make satanists look bad.
What I wanted was the reader to see the clear connection to circumcision and that it claims to have religious, sexual and scientific grounds.
Our children, when born, should immediately, or at least within a reasonable time after birth, strengthen their covenant with Satan.
Our third tenet prohibits essentially all types of modifications and mutilations to others' bodies without their consent, but it can be argued that a young child does not know what is best for them and, furthermore, at such an early age, cannot understand our seven tenets.
Therefore, I argue that we can deviate from our tenets for the well-being of the children, especially if we consider the fifth tenet, which recommends that we act based on the best understanding we have of science and scientific evidence.
When it comes to modification or mutilation of children's bodies, tenet three and five contradict each other in principle.
Thus, it is reasonable to mutilate a child's body if the mutilation is done on scientific grounds, enhances the child's qualities in life, and strengthens the covenant with Satan.
My proposal for this physical modification of underage children is to quickly cut or surgically remove the frenulum linguae, the frenulum under the tongue, immediately after birth.
Between 5 and 10 percent of all children are born with a tight lingual frenulum and may have difficulty with breastfeeding as a result. Furthermore, a tight lingual frenulum can cause a deformed tongue when the child's tongue is stretched, as well as difficulty for the child in pronouncing certain sounds.
In addition to helping children with this issue, such an intervention would also give the child the ability to stick their tongue out in a way similar to Gene Simmons (Chaim Witz), which I find really cool in a satanic spirit.
For heterosexual boys and homosexual girls, one can also argue that this operation provides advantages in sexual intercourse later in life, especially in cunnilingus, but also analingus between homosexual men.
This will also result in indirect genital and anal hygiene for individuals who want to receive oral sex in the forms I have described above, benefiting society as a whole.
3 replies
Not a Satanist, but I don't think it makes Satanists look bad. I see it for what it is, a clear criticism of infant genital mutilation.
I'm not familiar enough with The Satanic Temple if that's where the seven tenets come from. I know of the Eleven Laws of the Earth (IIRC) from the Church of Satan, but I understand most modern Satanists are with TST and not the CoS.
Atheist here, but I realise that Satanism is a sort of satire anyway (my understanding is it's about confidence in oneself presented in a "selfish" light in contrast to Christianity which preaches the opposite). I do have a very surface level understanding, it's not something I've researched.
Satanism can look very corny to outsiders and Satanists do engage in pranks, often to make a point, but that doesn't mean that the religion itself is a satire or a parody (like the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster). Like other religions, Satanism is a sincere expression of deeply-held beliefs.
However, Satanists are also atheists who don't believe that Satan is real, and this is a group that many people assume isn't or can't be religious in the first place. (I've also heard that we shouldn't be religious, because religion itself is evil.)
That's the Church of Satan. LaVey made the observation that a person's concept of God always agreed with their own beliefs and prejudices, so they were in effect worshiping themselves. Why not cut out the middle-god (?) and straight-up worship yourself as a god?
Some people have pointed out that having confidence and good self-esteem is healthy, but imaging yourself as a deity isn't, and...those people are probably right, but Satanism tends to attract people who are outcasts or oppressed in some way, so the idea of giving everybody the finger and declaring yourself a god holds appeal.
meh. seems goofy.