So, I've always had gender dysphoria even when I was 8, since I really loved the idea of wearing my dad's clothes or anything labeled "men's"/"boy's". I wanted to hang out with the boys, couldn't fit in with girls, etc. When I got my hair cut, I thought I'd look more like a boy, so it made me happy. This was before I even knew what transgender was. I used the word "tomboy" because that's what everyone called me and what I thought people like me were. But "girl" didn't feel right. And I HATED being called "femme"/"feminine". I only became comfortable with femininity after I was sure I was a boy and seeing myself as just a boy who likes being effeminate.

I always wanted to be like a strong, manly hero. Or just a man in general.

Anyway, when people kept calling me a girl and stuff, I detransitioned (desisted). But, of course, the dysphoria kept coming back. Anyway, I thought I was a lesbian and couldn't see myself with men, especially due to how I was treated as a woman by men. I couldn't fit in with girls who gushed over guys and wanted to be their girlfriends.

Well, ever since I rediscovered myself, I at first thought I was straight, and maybe my brain can't accept being straight or what, but I was thinking that I didn't care honestly what gender they were. I've been thinking a lot more about male characters in a romantic way and I'm even starting to find one of them hot again like when I used to yumeship with him.

I won't go into too much detail, just in general, I've even been interested in fanfiction with two men (yaoi/BL) and while they made me uncomfortable while identifying as a woman, I'm sorta fine with it now??? People (usually friends) have asked me to write stories or do art for them, and since most of my friends are women who like yaoi (and are comfortable with being women), most of my art/writing is MLM. I actually enjoy doing it and it inspires me to do more.

I still consider myself to be ace, but it seems more like while I might be pan/bi-oriented, I feel physically attracted to women to some extent (but I don't really fantasize about doing anything) and IDK about men since they obviously don't look like cartoon characters, but IDK. But I definitely feel something to male characters, and I sometimes pretend I'm another character ruffling his hair or something or waking up next to him. It's weird, though, because I don't feel anything for now or fantasize about anything even more romantic like making out or kissing.