I have friends who tell me that every time and I have troubles to say that i want something without feeling shitty so tried a loophole for both our brains and phrase sentences like:
"If you like you can do that AND would make me very happy on the way, or you stay at home and I will be very happy for you! Either way I am happy!"
My wife complains about this to me. But in my defense, I only ask if I don't really want to go myself. "Let's go to the court house together" vs "you can come if you want". I don't want to subject her to the same shit I'd rather not be doing.
I've found myself in similar situations with past partners. I've found that "I need to go to x place. I'd love to have your company if you're not busy" is a good way to let them know that I want them there with me, but there's no obligation if they don't want to come.
I don't know how common it is, but I def tend to be socially inept. I think most people are socially inept in some situations though. The trick is finding someone with social ineptitudes that are compatible with yours.
see for some its more I don't want to pressure you to come. If you can and want to thats great but really if you have anything you would rather be doing no big deal. I honestly wish I did not have to go.
You aren't. They're adults and will decline if they want.
I got a lot more confidence in myself as soon as I realized that my lack of confidence implied that everyone else were children in need of my protection, from me. Treat your adult friends like adults. They'll be ok.
That's why I love the fact our langaige has dual. You can just use the fual form of imperative and it's immediately obvious you want the person to come even if you are in a group of people.
Stop giving me a choice!
I have friends who tell me that every time and I have troubles to say that i want something without feeling shitty so tried a loophole for both our brains and phrase sentences like:
"If you like you can do that AND would make me very happy on the way, or you stay at home and I will be very happy for you! Either way I am happy!"
I'll be honest, that sounds manipulative. Maybe it's different in the tone that's lost in the text format.
I really really try not to be manipulative and also writing in English makes it harder for me 😅
I already tried to write like 5 times because I thought the same.
My wife complains about this to me. But in my defense, I only ask if I don't really want to go myself. "Let's go to the court house together" vs "you can come if you want". I don't want to subject her to the same shit I'd rather not be doing.
I've found myself in similar situations with past partners. I've found that "I need to go to x place. I'd love to have your company if you're not busy" is a good way to let them know that I want them there with me, but there's no obligation if they don't want to come.
Thanks! I'll start using this, I'm surprised it's such a common thing, I tought I was just socially inept or something
I don't know how common it is, but I def tend to be socially inept. I think most people are socially inept in some situations though. The trick is finding someone with social ineptitudes that are compatible with yours.
see to me that sounds like guilting them into coming.
Yeah, same here. Communication is difficult already. I do not envy the difficulties neurodivergent folks go through in understanding this shit
The other option sounds like "I don't care if you come".
see for some its more I don't want to pressure you to come. If you can and want to thats great but really if you have anything you would rather be doing no big deal. I honestly wish I did not have to go.
What's a cream team
I don't know. I just thought it was a funny username.
I just don't want to pressure someone into doing something if they don't want to though...
You aren't. They're adults and will decline if they want.
I got a lot more confidence in myself as soon as I realized that my lack of confidence implied that everyone else were children in need of my protection, from me. Treat your adult friends like adults. They'll be ok.
I think for most people, it’s fear of rejection, and they lie to themselves that the reasoning is what you’re replying to.
No attempt at making friends, no fear of rejection.
Easy.
They are adults. They can walk to go if they want.
Both are fine depending on the context.
Yeah, I think part of what's missing is HOW it's said and what it's about.
I’m going to go do _______. Would you like to come?
"you"
“your sister”
That's why I love the fact our langaige has dual. You can just use the fual form of imperative and it's immediately obvious you want the person to come even if you are in a group of people.
It takes 1 word
That can be misunderstood depending on context
Too late I already came
?? Is it supposed to have sound?
No, it's ASL.
Please elaborate
Which part is unclear?
Which language? Can you give an example?
Slovenian. The word is greva. Meaning to go in first person, dual, inperative. Often used as a question inplying 'shall we go now?'.
Thank you. That’s interesting. Does it mean 'you and me go now?'
Yep pretty much. You say it to someone and everyone knows you only mean them and you.
...and that word is?
antidisestablishmentarianism
Greva.
First person dual imperative meaning the two of us are leaving/going. Usually asked in a way inplying 'shall we go now?'.
Interesting. What language is that?
Slovenian. I think it's the largest (at least afaik there might be some larger one) language that has dual.
Neat! Thanks for replying - I find the functional differences between languages fascinating.
Oh, I’m not UNinvited, yay.