No one's expecting you to do well. Looking in, everything about your current state of mind seems normal. You've been hit with a bunch of major negative life impacts and are experiencing the trauma of that.
Don’t be sorry. You are going through a really tough time. It’s ok to let sadness happen. (And all the other emotions too, grief is complicated) It’s ok to eat a stack of chocolate or whatever suits your diet that will ease to pain. The only thing that heals grief is time. You did the absolute best for her. It was just her time, and you cared for her so well.
Been unable to sleep and have been washing all the laundry and blankets. Gathering Melbcat’s meds and belongings into her carrier to more easily clean but I’ll be leaving her litterboxes, beds and bowls where they are. I don’t want to look at the empty spaces.
::: spoiler spoiler
I’m hoping to get the black cat back to an owner if possible or at least some clarity on next steps to take. I looked fruitlessly on Facebook (without an account) for black cats missing in my area, made a dedicated email to put on a paper collar, then made a quick Found poster with his picture. After that who knows.
:::
I guess I’m just numbing out and focusing on the things I can fix because I have no idea how to even process this. I miss my baby girl.
You might feel like you don't know how to process what has happened, but what you are doing is processing it. Busy work is a way to distract your conscious mind and give your subconscious the room to process - your conscious thoughts might grab all the attention, but it is the subconscious that does all the real heavy lifting.
The grief of loss is extremely painful to go through, but Melbcat loved you and was loved in return. Death cannot take that away, and moving from present to past does not diminish it. The time you had together and the relationship you had will always be there, you are just viewing it from a different angle.
Wise steps with the black cat and I understand leaving the beds etc in place. Take time. We had an old dog cremated, and he lived on the coffee table in his tin for over a year until we had a spot to bury him because I couldn't stand the thought of him being alone in a cupboard. Big hugs
There's this witches market in Ferntree Gully today. I managed to get out of having to drive an hour to a market to buy rocks by checking the website and seeing they're doing a similar thing closer to us in two weeks time
Many years ago I started making porridge mix and putting it into individual serving containers so I could take it to work. Then I decided that microwaving porridge was too messy so only make it at home now. But I've continued putting it in individual containers, and it's only just occured to me now that it would be much easier to make it in a big container and measure it as needed 🤦♀️
So, once the three containers I have now are used up I'm changing to a big container instead, which will reduce my porridge hassle factor considerably.
I do porridge everyday, I just make it in the breakfast bowl in the microwave, but I make very plain porridge, I have with brown sugar and a little milk
it's very easy
maybe if I can get some citrus and make some marmalade I can have toast again
Given the relative decline of letter writing and the relative increase in government funded bowel screening, the overall proportion of poo in our mailing system is probably at an all time high.
This thought brought to you by an old fart... who thought they had a few more years but was told by the doctor it's now available at 45 ....me...the old fart is me.
I think it's available at 45 but they don't send it unsolicited until 50? I just did my 'welcome to 50!' bowel screening, and the nice thing about having that out of the way is that I no longer have to go to the toilet thinking 'poo! I should save that for science!'
I had an event in St Kilda tonight, on Fitzroy St, and won’t be heading back there anytime soon. Been a long time since I’ve been in that area. It’s soul-less, don’t see the appeal other than it’s a street near a mid beach. Wasn’t St Kilda happening once upon a time? Not anymore.
It's nicer during the day but it's always been sketchy, at least since the 80s. I've never known Fitzroy St to not be mostly a shithole and have only gone there for Prince Bandroom shows. These days the Espy is just another rip off pub. Getting some take away and a six pack from Ackland St to share on the beach around dusk would be my premium St Kilda experience.
80s & 90s it was great but there's so many more modern cake places now those old shops on Ackland lost their popularity years ago. I had my first borscht at Sherezade many years ago.
I made a chicken casserole for the freezer and the chicken pieces shrunk a lot more than expected. So I ended up with less serves than I was expecting and a lot of excess gravy. I've frozen the gravy seperately, it should work well as a gravy to pour over a pan-fried piece of chicken, so I guess it wasn't too disapointing.
I have evaporative cooling, so on warm nights I generally leave the fan on and have the window open to keep the air moving through. The bed fan is nice because it blows air under the covers (which is a very light cotton doona - I can't sleep uncovered) and it has a remote control, so if I wake up too warm I can turn it on/up without moving. It also helps to remove moisture from the bed so it doesn't feel quite so sticky.
I bought a years' worth of my favourite notebook in the post christmas sales and its time to crack open a new one. The big question is - black or red? What is the vibe I want for the next 2-3 months??
Usually a cheeky last minute Sunday grocery shop is chill with the odd screaming child. Timed it wrong today, as I think everyone was trying to get their “to-do” list done before the rain hit. As busy as it was, everyone was polite and courteous tho!
The final thing stopping me from wiping an old laptop and tinkering with it was the majora's mask recomp save files. I've found those and moved them to a thumb drive to maybe transfer to another device.
The battery is shot on this thing so can't do much with it. Maybe I'll finally try arch or put on one of the BSDs to look at
I'm glad I got my mulching done when I did, working outside in this humidity is pretty icky. I'm trying to chip away at the rest of the work a little bit at a time but it's definitely not the weather for sustained effort.
87 replies
Hey I’m sorry for the mental breakdown. I’m probably going to delete all of that soon.
I am just really not doing well and not catching a break.
No one's expecting you to do well. Looking in, everything about your current state of mind seems normal. You've been hit with a bunch of major negative life impacts and are experiencing the trauma of that.
so many hugs
you are allowed to be human 😘😘😘🫂🫂🫂
Don’t be sorry. You are going through a really tough time. It’s ok to let sadness happen. (And all the other emotions too, grief is complicated) It’s ok to eat a stack of chocolate or whatever suits your diet that will ease to pain. The only thing that heals grief is time. You did the absolute best for her. It was just her time, and you cared for her so well.
I'm rooting for you, buddy!
Been unable to sleep and have been washing all the laundry and blankets. Gathering Melbcat’s meds and belongings into her carrier to more easily clean but I’ll be leaving her litterboxes, beds and bowls where they are. I don’t want to look at the empty spaces.
::: spoiler spoiler I’m hoping to get the black cat back to an owner if possible or at least some clarity on next steps to take. I looked fruitlessly on Facebook (without an account) for black cats missing in my area, made a dedicated email to put on a paper collar, then made a quick Found poster with his picture. After that who knows. :::
I guess I’m just numbing out and focusing on the things I can fix because I have no idea how to even process this. I miss my baby girl.
🫂
You might feel like you don't know how to process what has happened, but what you are doing is processing it. Busy work is a way to distract your conscious mind and give your subconscious the room to process - your conscious thoughts might grab all the attention, but it is the subconscious that does all the real heavy lifting.
The grief of loss is extremely painful to go through, but Melbcat loved you and was loved in return. Death cannot take that away, and moving from present to past does not diminish it. The time you had together and the relationship you had will always be there, you are just viewing it from a different angle.
All this ❤️
I wish I knew something to say to make it better. All I know is that it will get better over time
Wise steps with the black cat and I understand leaving the beds etc in place. Take time. We had an old dog cremated, and he lived on the coffee table in his tin for over a year until we had a spot to bury him because I couldn't stand the thought of him being alone in a cupboard. Big hugs
this is so cute and cool 🥰
( also, we can never be too old to feel like a teenager 🙂 )
I love this for you!
Right. I'm bringing out the big guns.
I'm going to wash my sheets.
Surely this will spite the rain gods.
Edit: in other news, tried this nicotine spray today and I've barely touched the vape all day. I found my exit.
that's great about the vape, those are not good
I've had a blocked ear all week, and so I could hear myself breathe quite loudly.
That was the catalyst lol
There's this witches market in Ferntree Gully today. I managed to get out of having to drive an hour to a market to buy rocks by checking the website and seeing they're doing a similar thing closer to us in two weeks time
Alright rain. Enough with the blue balls.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
🫣
The sheets did it.
Edit:
Who's your celebrity crush?
Mine is Lana Del Rey. Her voice gives me chills.
Thankyou for your sacrifice. My garden appreciates the rain.
thank you (●'◡'●)
Richard Dean Anderson. I don't care how old he is, that man could get it from me.
Can't go wrong with a man who can defuse a bomb with chewing gum!
I don't know that I have a celeb crush
mr seagoon perhaps ...lol
I don't know if it's the same for other male singers, but female singers are the bees knees lol
mr seagoon has a lovely singing voice 🥰
I slept like shit
Many years ago I started making porridge mix and putting it into individual serving containers so I could take it to work. Then I decided that microwaving porridge was too messy so only make it at home now. But I've continued putting it in individual containers, and it's only just occured to me now that it would be much easier to make it in a big container and measure it as needed 🤦♀️
So, once the three containers I have now are used up I'm changing to a big container instead, which will reduce my porridge hassle factor considerably.
There's an old Scottish tradition of pouring a batch of porridge in a drawer then slicing off a piece as required, sometimes to be fried.
I have not heard of this. I might try it one day. The draw is probably one of those tin lined draws in a bread makers cabinet
I do porridge everyday, I just make it in the breakfast bowl in the microwave, but I make very plain porridge, I have with brown sugar and a little milk
it's very easy
maybe if I can get some citrus and make some marmalade I can have toast again
Given the relative decline of letter writing and the relative increase in government funded bowel screening, the overall proportion of poo in our mailing system is probably at an all time high.
This thought brought to you by an old fart... who thought they had a few more years but was told by the doctor it's now available at 45 ....me...the old fart is me.
farts won't do, you need something with a bit more substance
I think it's available at 45 but they don't send it unsolicited until 50? I just did my 'welcome to 50!' bowel screening, and the nice thing about having that out of the way is that I no longer have to go to the toilet thinking 'poo! I should save that for science!'
I had an event in St Kilda tonight, on Fitzroy St, and won’t be heading back there anytime soon. Been a long time since I’ve been in that area. It’s soul-less, don’t see the appeal other than it’s a street near a mid beach. Wasn’t St Kilda happening once upon a time? Not anymore.
It's nicer during the day but it's always been sketchy, at least since the 80s. I've never known Fitzroy St to not be mostly a shithole and have only gone there for Prince Bandroom shows. These days the Espy is just another rip off pub. Getting some take away and a six pack from Ackland St to share on the beach around dusk would be my premium St Kilda experience.
used to be the place to get European cakes and pastries
80s & 90s it was great but there's so many more modern cake places now those old shops on Ackland lost their popularity years ago. I had my first borscht at Sherezade many years ago.
St kilda is a scum hole if you peek behind the curtain.
But it has its charms.
meth
How does tempura manage to be so simple and still be so yummy?
I hope youse get a better sleep tonight because whoever signed off on last night deserves to be flogged.
Agree. I’ve just taken some panadol to ease my headache so hopefully I can get some sleep.
sorry 😞
day 4 with no antihistamines
I am going crazy here , mosquito bites, hay fever and food allergies
I made a chicken casserole for the freezer and the chicken pieces shrunk a lot more than expected. So I ended up with less serves than I was expecting and a lot of excess gravy. I've frozen the gravy seperately, it should work well as a gravy to pour over a pan-fried piece of chicken, so I guess it wasn't too disapointing.
Hot flushes on top of a sticky night and a high humidity. Fuck.
My bed fan was on all night, it helps to reduce the stickiness a bit.
I had the ceiling fan and the pedestal fan on high as well as the window open.
I have evaporative cooling, so on warm nights I generally leave the fan on and have the window open to keep the air moving through. The bed fan is nice because it blows air under the covers (which is a very light cotton doona - I can't sleep uncovered) and it has a remote control, so if I wake up too warm I can turn it on/up without moving. It also helps to remove moisture from the bed so it doesn't feel quite so sticky.
Hmm. I may have to look into this.
I bought a years' worth of my favourite notebook in the post christmas sales and its time to crack open a new one. The big question is - black or red? What is the vibe I want for the next 2-3 months??
While my Melbourneness says black, red for Autumn seems appropriate.
Paint it black.
I'm leaning towards black. I found some sparkly dragon sticker that will look cool.
That sounds awesome!! Where did you find said stickers?
Oh not sure. I think it was just Officeworks. They were down the back of the drawer.
::: spoiler shiny
:::
Oh that is so cute. Thank you!!
aww,
ooo, sparkly and dragon does sound cool
Red for Autumn?
There is no Sleep, only Stickiness.
what do the birds say, birds stop singing when rain is coming
Usually a cheeky last minute Sunday grocery shop is chill with the odd screaming child. Timed it wrong today, as I think everyone was trying to get their “to-do” list done before the rain hit. As busy as it was, everyone was polite and courteous tho!
it's warm out there, no rain 😠
It's coming
I got my hair cut.
I get this done once a month like clockwork…and despite this regular routine I have to take off so much hair
The final thing stopping me from wiping an old laptop and tinkering with it was the majora's mask recomp save files. I've found those and moved them to a thumb drive to maybe transfer to another device.
The battery is shot on this thing so can't do much with it. Maybe I'll finally try arch or put on one of the BSDs to look at
been wasting time so thought I may as well clean the kitchen a bit 🤷♀️
I'm glad I got my mulching done when I did, working outside in this humidity is pretty icky. I'm trying to chip away at the rest of the work a little bit at a time but it's definitely not the weather for sustained effort.
Beep Beep 🚚
🍏🍎🍐🍊🍋🍈🫐🍓🍇🍉🍌🍒🍑🥭🍍🥥🥦🥑🫛🍆🍅🥝🥬🥒🌽🥕🥐🍠🫚🥔🧅🥯🍞🥖🥨🧀🧇🥞🧈🍳🥚🥓🥩🍗🍖🫓🍕🍟🍔🌭🥙🧆🌮🌯🥗🍲🍜🍝🥘🍛🍣🍱🥟🦪🍥🍘🍚🍙🐠🍤🪼🦀🐙 🍗🥮🍢🍡🍧🍰🧁🥧🍦🍨🎂🍮🍭🍬🍫🥜🌰🍪🍿🍯🥛☕️🍵🍺🍶🥤🧋🧃🥂🍷🥃🍸🍹🧉🔋
A prawn cocktail, a chicken burger and a sickly-sweet and gelatinous cheesecake, please.
🍤🥂🐥🍔🍭🍬🍭🍬🍬🍬🍮🧀🍰
Alien fetus, please.
🪺
Lobscouse & gin please chef.
🍖🥔🥕🥃
I'll have the same as Julius Caesar would have had before riding into battle
🍞
Oh...
Sometimes I worry about your food choices, Force. I mean, Julius Caesar? Look how he ended up!
Famous in perpetuity!
For all the wrong reasons!
His salad is pretty good
his politics stunk but he had good military strategy and management
he was also a good writer, his commentaries were interesting and well observed https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Commentarii_de_Bello_Gallico