What do?
5 years ago, I was cheated on.
We have 4 children (1 adult). To this day, I can't be intimate with her. I'm still mad. She's still friends with him.
Yeah, I know - divorce. I know that not divorcing her is teaching my kids how a bad relationship works, but I want both of us present for them.
How do I get... not freedom, but solitude, while still being present for my kids?
Your kids would prefer you to be happy, rather than for you to stay married. Make yourself a priority for once
Talk to a therapist because they will help you sort out your feelings which will let you think more clearly about what it is that you need. It’s almost impossible to make the same kind of progress on your own that you can with a neutral third party. Possibly couples counseling would be a good idea as well.
I’m sorry that happened to you, and I hope you figure it out.
We tried couples counseling.
She picked the counselor. Her counselor. The same one that put her first, and told me we couldn't talk about what she did.
I gave up on counseling after that.
So your options are to try again or leave her or stay miserable. What else can you do?