You have a button in front of you. It will make you and your loved ones happy forever and bring world peace, but there's a catch. It makes your legal name Rupert.

(if its already your name thats cheating)

Do you press it?

Hi, I'm Rupert!

I can live with that

I'll press it three times and be Rupert R. Rupert

¿Can be "Ruperto"? Like, in spanish. (Alfred, Alfredo; Albert, Alberto; and so on)

In that case, yes.

Yeah, but I’ll go by my middle name

Allow me to introduce myself, I am Rupert Rupertingdington The Fifth, Lord of RupertLand, and Bringer of World Rupert...my friends call me Ru.

Do I get a top hat and monocle?

That's not a button rupert you dumb shit, it's a fucking monkey paw hidden under a button.