Spyke
lemmy.dbzer0.com

Anderson said he had weapons in his bag, and inside the bag was a barbecue fork and a pizza cutter, according to the criminal complaint.

I need to know what the pizza cutter was for

89

The person worked at a pizza shop so multiple possible explanations

4

I've never thought of using those for cutting pie, but I can see that it ought to work fairly well.

2
Wilcoreply
lemmy.zip

No. You dont want to know. The evils that men do with pizza cutters.

16
Echo Dotreply
feddit.uk

the horrors must be mostly imaginary because my pizza cutter can barely cut pizza, what is the bluntness the point.

7
missingnoreply
fedia.io

It's how you cut through the prison bars, obviously.

8

I was kind of imagining him trying to cut the link between handcuffs with it. Definitely the right tool for the job!

4

The fact that Anderson said it was a weapon is even more hilarious, like he's some dollar store ninja ready to kill people with a pizza cutter, lmfao.

3

That pizza cutter feels almost racist in this context 😆 If Luigi was named Paddy Murphy, would he have brought a potato masher instead?

37
kbin.earth

When Bureau of Prisons personnel asked to see Anderson's credentials, federal prosecutors said he showed them a Minnesota driver's license and "threw at the BOP officers numerous documents."

What does that even mean?

25
Redactedreply
lemmy.zip

Sounds like he tried to flood then with so much paperwork that theyd just believe him. I dont think they mean literally threw papers but im just going of vibes here.

17
Maevereply
kbin.earth

I'm imagining fine print from credit card offers, etc. I mean, I guess it could work, on any given day, with the right (or wrong, depending on perspective) desk Sarge, but with a high profile prisoner? Come on...

Alternately, I suppose they could have been a bit more creative and printed off some official forms and attempted to fill them out, but still...

Fortune does not always favor the bold, apparently.

7

What even is racketeering? Sounds like something they made up when they can't charge you with anything real.

1

inside the bag was a barbecue fork and a pizza cutter

Please tell me his middle name was Mario

17
sh.itjust.works

Let’s assume this would’ve worked and he was broken out of prison. What next? Where the fuck would they go?

10

Rookie mistake. Just put on random camo and a face mask, demand to have him for deportation, and shoot anyone who asks for id.

8

You reached the end