I checked out the Twitter account. I think it's clearly a joke, but the guy is a big Trump supporter so I'd say he does ultimately believe the rhetoric behind the joke. Therefore, not satire.
When I was a cashier, there was definitely a subset of people - usually the same people wearing maga hats - who did refuse to use the tap. They believed it was insecure. I looked it up, it's slightly more secure than the chip (if only because contactless systems are not yet susceptible to counterfeit card reader attachments).
It was pretty annoying too, because I was frequently stationed at a register that had a broken chip reader. Some people would get frustrated very quickly and, like, start rage-jamming the card into the machine repeatedly. It's kind of scary how many people go from 0-60 unhinged at checkout.
After learning about the security aspect, and because of that broken reader, I made it a point to educate everyone I could about the tap. A lot of people aren't even aware their card can do that stuff.
I've set up a cognitohazard in my bank account. Anyone who looks into it is disassembled into their component parts and sold off to appease my rampaging bank fees.
So from what I remember, the chip and the tap use pretty much the same authentication systems under the hood. They're pretty identical in that way. The pin number and how that's implemented is kind of a joke, because every card reader has ways to accept a payment from a card without even needing the pin (usually). Still better to use a pin of course, and that's something the tap supports too.
Like I said before, right now a common threat to chip cards is spoof devices that criminals try to surreptitiously install onto legitimate card readers. Like a hardware keylogger basically. So - and as far as I know, this might not even be true anymore - the one main advantage the tap has over the chip is that it is not susceptible to these spoof reader devices.
My idea was that if someone gets my card, they'll still need pin. Plus I disabled withdrawals by card. And after disabling NFC, it doesn't even seem to show the card number + expiration that I could just scan with https://github.com/devnied/EMV-NFC-Paycard-Enrollment (the numbers show in older versions), which could be done by tapping my pocket. Online payments often need 3D Secure, though unfortunately, not always.
However, nowadays I start to encounter a lot of contactless only terminals, so I just started switching to cash. Vending machines still typically take coins.
Yes, I work with the things. Skimmers can steal a bunch of personal info and possibly vault your card (although that would tie the charge down to a payment processor and could flag the risk mechanisms, so it's not likely to go on for long)
But you can charge people smaller amounts and set it up to not require a pin, then it'll return back the name on the card and a bunch of other stuff, like the last 4 digits on the card, card issuer, and expiration date
I'm sure you could walk through a busy city and get enough names to make that sellable to scammers, or leave skimmers around long term
You are correct, but payment processors are this weird system of neoptism in the US. Like 5 companies make most of the terminals, three companies issue the cards, but that link in between? It's so much more of a shit show than you could imagine
It's fundamentally based on security through legislation. There's a lot of cracks, if someone didn't get greedy they could easily abuse the system without it leading back to them
I don't want to write a how-to guide or give any pointed hints, but it has been a shocking experience to learn about
I just tap it every time and half the time it doesn't work. Well I tap with my phone, then tap with card, then insert, then it tells me to swipe so I swipe.
Real men take what they want and don't apologize. If you're not serving 25-life for multiple petty robberies that escalated to attempted murder for no discernible reason other than insecurity about your dick size then you're not a real man.
"I'm so horny at all times it feels like a goddamn fever dream, a literal full beard is the only thing that even slows me down. Everyone needs to cover themselves in one way or another, otherwise the urge to just dick them down on sight is too much, it's unreasonable to expect me and other men to simply resist."
I usually end up rubbing mine all over the terminal because each one seems to be a special snowflake with the NFC spot and I can just hear the voice in my head: "That's not it... That's not it either" then the cashier has to show me exactly where it is.
77 replies
No dad it's not hormones I just accidentally tapped my card at the store and instantly grew a set of boobs.
Paying for things is feminine. You should punch the cashier and shout “this is mine!” like a real man.
/s, obviously
Pay the iron price
Did you pay the tap price or insert price, son?
Is this satire?
I fucking hope so
But I suspect it isn’t.
Given the wording "confident and penetrative thrust", I think it must be satire.
I checked out the Twitter account. I think it's clearly a joke, but the guy is a big Trump supporter so I'd say he does ultimately believe the rhetoric behind the joke. Therefore, not satire.
I overestimate people...
Thank you for putting in the work.
The one quote of the decade, and the amount of times it isn't has been astronomical the past few years.
Why are y'all taking this seriously?
there are a non zero amount of straight guys who saw this and will never tap their card ever again
Doesn't make this any less of an obvious joke
"straight"
There's no hope for any who do.
IDK but I'm pan and it's obvious to me that this is satire.
Yes but thats because you may be self aware.
I know. Obviously straights aren't people.
Instructions unclear, my penis is stuck in a card reader and I have a lifetime ban from Chipotle.
Can someone make a shitty shop of a card reader with a card in it and a aheago face please?
Sure thing
Topic, I love you it’s perfect!
Thank you, its beautiful
I hear the newer versions now like it in the receipt hole.
Also: who needs AI....a text prompt leading to the creation of a new image. You've seen it here folks.
When I was a cashier, there was definitely a subset of people - usually the same people wearing maga hats - who did refuse to use the tap. They believed it was insecure. I looked it up, it's slightly more secure than the chip (if only because contactless systems are not yet susceptible to counterfeit card reader attachments).
It was pretty annoying too, because I was frequently stationed at a register that had a broken chip reader. Some people would get frustrated very quickly and, like, start rage-jamming the card into the machine repeatedly. It's kind of scary how many people go from 0-60 unhinged at checkout.
After learning about the security aspect, and because of that broken reader, I made it a point to educate everyone I could about the tap. A lot of people aren't even aware their card can do that stuff.
I exercise ultimate security by just having no money. If anybody manages to open the Pandora's Box that is my bank account, best of luck to them.
I've set up a cognitohazard in my bank account. Anyone who looks into it is disassembled into their component parts and sold off to appease my rampaging bank fees.
How is it more secure? Surely needing the card + pin is more secure than just carrying the card its self.
So from what I remember, the chip and the tap use pretty much the same authentication systems under the hood. They're pretty identical in that way. The pin number and how that's implemented is kind of a joke, because every card reader has ways to accept a payment from a card without even needing the pin (usually). Still better to use a pin of course, and that's something the tap supports too.
Like I said before, right now a common threat to chip cards is spoof devices that criminals try to surreptitiously install onto legitimate card readers. Like a hardware keylogger basically. So - and as far as I know, this might not even be true anymore - the one main advantage the tap has over the chip is that it is not susceptible to these spoof reader devices.
My idea was that if someone gets my card, they'll still need pin. Plus I disabled withdrawals by card. And after disabling NFC, it doesn't even seem to show the card number + expiration that I could just scan with https://github.com/devnied/EMV-NFC-Paycard-Enrollment (the numbers show in older versions), which could be done by tapping my pocket. Online payments often need 3D Secure, though unfortunately, not always.
However, nowadays I start to encounter a lot of contactless only terminals, so I just started switching to cash. Vending machines still typically take coins.
I wonder how the chip reader got broken
Yeah if only there were part of this story which could shed light on it...
It's more secure to have a card that can't do the tap
Do you have evidence for this?
Yes, I work with the things. Skimmers can steal a bunch of personal info and possibly vault your card (although that would tie the charge down to a payment processor and could flag the risk mechanisms, so it's not likely to go on for long)
But you can charge people smaller amounts and set it up to not require a pin, then it'll return back the name on the card and a bunch of other stuff, like the last 4 digits on the card, card issuer, and expiration date
I'm sure you could walk through a busy city and get enough names to make that sellable to scammers, or leave skimmers around long term
You are correct, but payment processors are this weird system of neoptism in the US. Like 5 companies make most of the terminals, three companies issue the cards, but that link in between? It's so much more of a shit show than you could imagine
It's fundamentally based on security through legislation. There's a lot of cracks, if someone didn't get greedy they could easily abuse the system without it leading back to them
I don't want to write a how-to guide or give any pointed hints, but it has been a shocking experience to learn about
The tap on my card stopped working a few weeks after I got it, I hope nobody thinks I'm toxic because I have to swipe or insert.
I just tap it every time and half the time it doesn't work. Well I tap with my phone, then tap with card, then insert, then it tells me to swipe so I swipe.
This pairs well with my draft article “Penetration fascination slows wireless charging adoption”
As a straight person, I can safely say "no". Please send help
Depends, do you gayly slide it over or do you slam it on the counter, breaking it?
How does one slam a bill on the counter breaking it?
Ohhhhh... Were you talking about breaking the counter?
The bill collides into the counter with such force that both immediately disintegrate into a cloud of hot plasma.
Hot damn
No, it makes you suspicious. Only criminals pay in cash, and the FBI wants to ask you a few questions.
broke: tapping your card
woke: thrusting it
bespoke: not making any contact with the terminal to assert dominance
Doesn't tapping fall under that?
Tapping implies making contact, in my brain at least. Tap = sound = contact
There is nothing more fragile than the masculinity of "bros" who worship masculinity.
For true contactless payment I do neither. I just hover my card / handset near the reader.
Is there something I should know about myself?
Yes. That you should be waving it over the reader and saying "you don't require payment" loud enough for the cashier to hear
this isn't the credit card you're looking for
For the full effect, palm your card so it's not visible.
It makes you tripple gay
Heck. That sounds… a bit too spicy for me.
You like to watch, while hovering several feet off the ground, possibly with a toy in hand.
This guy has definitely fucked a chip reader.
I mean, we all have. Right?
I stopped fingering one to type this and now its doing the error beep.
the seconds sentence is like satire but it's twitter so idk
Real men take what they want and don't apologize. If you're not serving 25-life for multiple petty robberies that escalated to attempted murder for no discernible reason other than insecurity about your dick size then you're not a real man.
And if you hover instead of tap?
That's edging.
Kinky
Here's exactly what my feed looks like. I'd say this is further evidence that the straights are not okay.
What a bananas take.
"I'm so horny at all times it feels like a goddamn fever dream, a literal full beard is the only thing that even slows me down. Everyone needs to cover themselves in one way or another, otherwise the urge to just dick them down on sight is too much, it's unreasonable to expect me and other men to simply resist."
Admit you're gay or take 25.
This dude takes 50 cards (just in case).
I think the first is satire (hard to say for sure though) but that second one isn't a straight.
I do the thrust, but it's because I'm old and forget that tapping is an option.
That is so needlessly and intensely erotic
Penetrative thrust into the chip reader 😩
Nonsense. You assert dominance by laying your credit dick across its POS face. Nothing fem about that.
I usually end up rubbing mine all over the terminal because each one seems to be a special snowflake with the NFC spot and I can just hear the voice in my head: "That's not it... That's not it either" then the cashier has to show me exactly where it is.
i only ever tapped my card---- despite some times where it didnt work-
anyway - this is almost certainly a joke kinda post ~ ~
I insert mine vigorously because my NFC chip doesn't seem to work reliably.
Now I might remember to look them in the eye while I transact.
Actually the chip slot is a bussy, and therefore gay