Getting Ahead of It: JD Vance Almost Definitely Didn’t Kill the Pope
Here’s what we do know: After their meeting ended and Vice President Vance left the room, the pope was still alive. We can deduce that he was alive, because he was heard asking an assistant, “Ho appena incontrato il volto del diavolo?” which roughly translates to, “Have I just encountered the face of the devil?” It’s a very common question that has been asked in many languages after encounters with JD Vance.
https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/getting-ahead-of-it-jd-vance-almost-definitely-didnt-kill-the-popeOpen linkView original on lemmus.org430
Comments19
Almost definitely
Probably! Almost potentially! Sort of for sure, though!
I mean, there's more evidence that he killed the pope than there is evidence that he fucks couches. And lots of people are saying he fucks couches. Not saying that he does, of course, just that lots of people are saying it.
I still don't understand why everybody keeps talking about his fake couch fetish instead of his real dolphin fetish.
This begs the question is his ultimate fantasy a couch shaped dolphin or a dolphin shaped couch?
Oil up a vintage naugahyde couch, and it feels just like a dolphin.
I mean, I've heard, obviously...
Hey! This ain't about me, it's about Vance.
No no no. He wants to dress up as a couch while getting violated by a dolphin.
This is how horrible rumors get started! Nicely done, keep it up.
Allegedlys*
Obviously he didn't kill the Pope but... It's kinda hard to rule out that he didn't at least contribute
The pope's heart could not bear the sight of JD Vance fucking the Sedia Gestatoria.
But can you rule it out?
You know what they say.....
Well you know, so I'm not gonna repeat it!
But you know he did.
C'mon, Vance didn't kill him, he's far too stupid. Did you see him drop Ohio State's trophy last week? He'd fuck up a hit for sure. Probably put the Iocane Powder in his own tea.
Obviously, someone from his entourage was tasked to do it.
Are there any batshit conapiracy theories yet or are we unlucky so far? How much of America actually follows the pope, not being a Catholic Nation? I forget which sects believe in him and which don't. There's gotta be something about the deep state and accepting gay people making him the false prophet though right?
Most Evangelical sects dislike the Catholic church, so IF Couchface got blamed for killing the Pope his supporters would be cheering him on.
MAGA had the pope killed so they could push for the first American pope, this guy.
Fresh rhetoric.