Sadly, this one involves burning the testicles of actual living monkeys, and not merely engaging in private pleasures

JD Couch Fucker Vance is coming for that cushion.

I love the memes that this rumor has brought about, but i think for integrity's sake we should make sure people know that we haven't verifiably found it to be true. https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/jd-vance-hillbilly-elegy-first-edition-couch-erotica/

I do however think its a pretty safe assumption.

Dolphins, monkeys, cats, couches, no dead dogs yet.

Now that's it's come out that he got bullied into the JD pick by his failsons, I'm thinking they did do some digging. He just got bullied.

Thank you for the comment. I'll let my curiousity go unanswered and my imagination take the reins.

That and the good name of Vance Refrigeration

He’s not an absolute fucker unless absolute is a brand of couch.

Before 2016 I used to use twice impeached, convicted felon ex-president 45's name a lot for context and comparison because it is short and can act as a hard emphasis word.

Not any more and I can't find a verb to replace it but I'll be damned if I give that fascist shitstain even one drop of SEO even on accident

Scrubs ruined the name JD, but he makes it even worse.

Sign me the fuck up. Do I get demon wings? Pitchfork? It doesn't matter, I'm in dammit

There's also no proof he doesn't though so we can't say for sure

Kristi Noem, RFK Jr, and the article mentioned Dr. Oz as well. What is with dog scandals in politics lately?

"Destroyed" is especially fucked up since it sounds like they're trying to distance themselves from the fact that these are real living creatures, and not inanimate objects who can't feel pain.

I used to work for a preclinical pharmaceutical company and our primary model was monkeys (macaques like rhesus and cynmolgus). We worked on drugs for cancer, Alzheimer’s, lupus, and more.

We had full time 24/7 vets, regular checkups, enrichment programs, and the techs would constantly give the animals treats and were very passionate about the most humane treatment. We got surprise inspected by the FDA and others in order to keep our GLP and AAALAC status and we worked with some major companies who would not work with us if we lost our status.

Euthanasia was a big part of many studies because they need to necropsy the animals so they can see what the drugs to do parts of the body.

This mention of “destroyed” seems much more harsh than what I experienced in the labs. Burning testicles is brutal bullshit - what the hell are they even testing?! This lab sounds like a fucking shit show!!!

I've heard the same for any animal in the wild that attacks people and must be caught and put down. I don't know how many years ago it started, but it's been in use for quite a while now.

Is there top and bottom with couches? I'm confused.

I have a turtle that I know has never been near JDs penis, but I've got him locked up since I think Vance might know this and is coming for him.

Nah, you gotta play it like you're also into couches. Something like

Get a load of the curves on this bad bitch.

More that we ought to treat the animals humanely in the process, and limit animal testing to situations where it's a medication that really benefits people, and not a cosmetic.

It's hard to see how an action which results in burned monkey testicles is consistent with that.

I am a vegan and applaud your moral consistency. News articles like this are full of fake outrage by people who support the animal ag industry that commits worse crimes at massively larger scales every single day. In regards to animal welfare this guy and the puppy killer are only very marginally worse than anyone else.

edit: obligatory downvotes by people who want to be mad at animal abuse while supporting animal abuse.