i had my egg crack somewhat recently when i waxed for the first time; it made me very acutely aware of how much i dreaded my body hair (among other things). ended up sending me into a rumination death spiral for about 3 days. i've since recovered and have even bought and wore some femme clothes (which has been awesome), but i really can't help but feel like a man in a dress. it kinda hurts because i know that this isn't something that i would think about another person (or be ashamed of myself if i did) but when it comes to myself it just feels like it's more acceptable to think about what is essentially bigotry towards myself. also having to make appointments is just so ugh, but hrt sounds exciting (but uggggghhhhh)

thanks for the kind words! i'm quite proud of my province's stance on lgbtq+ issues (we even removed/are removing gendered language from our legislation!) but i was raised by a conservative family in a conservative part of the province, so i was quite bigoted (especially transphobic) for a good chunk of my life. i've worked on it a lot but i would not be surprised if it affects the way i view myself. i'm still not sure what my identity is, i just know that i want to be less of a guy

this really hits home. i used to just go around in pajamas because i gave so few shits about mens' fashion. then i tried on thigh highs for the first time and have been addicted since. although my egg just very recently cracked and i'm still figuring a bunch of things out