“They confirmed that I need to wear a female swimming costume despite having to compete with the men, which ‘outs’ me as a woman who is transgender,” Coombes told the Reading Chronicle. “I explained to the person on the phone that they are not allowed to do that, and he didn’t have an answer.”

so she's a woman enough to be required to wear a women's swimsuit, but not woman enough to be allowed to swim in the women's competitions?

yes, she sees herself as a kind of martyr and victim of a witch-hunt, which does change how she responds to the cultural backlash she receives for her behavior.

yeah, agreed - Gaiman's fans are far less willing to tolerate his SA, HP fans are more general public and transphobia is more socially acceptable than SA.

Basically this post is essentially saying, "it's a shame transphobia is so acceptable to people"

You can read about it here: https://www.vulture.com/article/neil-gaiman-allegations-controversy-amanda-palmer-sandman-madoc.html

Massive content warning, very disturbing.

Agreed, Gaiman fans are not the average person, I think this partially accounts for the difference (as well as the difference between how culturally acceptable transphobia is compared to rape).

This is a good moral compromise in that it allows you to enjoy the art without the moral complications of commercially supporting a rapist, but I think some people might argue that it doesn't go far enough and that we should essentially culturally boycott the art as well, that an artist's reputation rests partially on how their art is perceived, and by continuing to enjoy that art and share it with others, you continue to support the artist in some sense.

Not sure I know how I feel about that argument, but I think it's an intuition some folks have or an argument they make.

overview: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neil_Gaiman#Sexual_assault_and_misconduct_allegations

some reporting: https://www.vulture.com/article/neil-gaiman-allegations-controversy-amanda-palmer-sandman-madoc.html

note: content warning, NSFL

Some men seem to think women dress and do makeup and hair for them alone, and that this is inherently sexual; meanwhile if there were no men I would continue to dress up and do hair and makeup and I think this is because lots of women dress and do makeup for ourselves and for other women, to feel human and have self esteem, and also to establish social status among other women.

and yet men for the most part remain entirely clueless, it's enraging that the very standards imposed by patriarchy are not even within the consciousness of men who benefit from them - it is the women who know the standards they must live by, and the men get to live blissfully unaware.

A woman might fret over fluctuating sizes from an XS to a S, while a man might see her and only judge her for being too skinny or too fat or not pretty enough or too pretty without ever knowing what size she is.

I feel ironically the greatest capacity and my biggest fears of judgement come not from men and patriarchs but from women, who see with much greater detail and know the standards better than men - they know my "value" under the calculus of patriarchy better than the patriarchs do.

such incredible insight, Rowling as an anti-trans activist is engaged in a genocidal movement which has of course a much larger scale of both number of people harmed and the severity of that harm

I think a lot of us trans girls are in the same situation. I learned to read on HP books, and Hermoine was a deeply important character to me growing up 😅 It's hard for me, but I have gradually moved away from the series as it increasingly becomes associated with Britain's Top Transphobe.

By translating my feelings into action.

The way I see my situation is that passing is a matter of survival - so I put all that anxiety and fear into my self-care and into my transition. The fear motivates all the exhausting labor put towards transition like hair removal, getting surgery, etc.

It helps motivate my willingness to take care of my body (skin, hair, nails, etc.), to learn and refine makeup and fashion skills, and to hydrate, eat healthy, and exercise.

Every step helps make it more likely I will pass as cis and be safe from stochastic violence. The steps I have taken have helped me survive interactions with the police, for example. Prioritizing passing has helped me reduce or avoid the cumulative stress that living as visibly trans incurs.

Focusing on action also translates to other efforts, like the long-term project of moving from a hostile place to a place with trans protections, or going through the bureaucratic process of updating all my legal documents.

By translating fear into action, I not only pragmatically prioritize survival, I also can put the emotions aside and focus on the problem solving. Rather than giving into despair, I try to find the next foot hold and stay calm, focused, and moving towards the next tangible step I can take. This creates a sense of autonomy and control, which is also helpful for my mentality / psychology.

When it's not adaptive or helpful to get lost in despair or emotion, I stay focused, but I find when there are moments when I can afford to, I can hold space for my feelings, allowing myself to experience the despair and breakdown crying. Seeing a therapist, writing in my journal, and talking to friends can help me process my emotions. Leaning on drugs is a coping mechanism I leaned on during pre-transition, but once I transitioned the motivation to take care of myself and the mental health benefits of transition naturally reduced the need for that coping mechanism. (I have fallen back to alcohol a few times - ironically I hadn't had any alcohol for a year before when I socially transitioned, and when my egg cracked I drank an entire bottle of wine. The same happened the night Trump won his most recent presidential election, despite not having had alcohol otherwise for many months.)

Otherwise I just try to stay a bit disconnected from the reality while remaining open to the variety of possibilities, and trying not to pre-judge or assume how it will go. There are many possible bad outcomes, but I have been surprised with how many good outcomes happen anyway, sometimes even as a downstream result of a bad outcome. (Semi-related, see also the Chinese parable, The old man lost his horse.)

So just ride the waves and direct yourself towards a better reality, and in the meantime take joy in the present moment and remain open and aware of the possibilities.

With the gay rights movement, didn't the gains of activism consistently stay ahead of public opinion? It seems like public opinion lagged behind the changes, it wasn't until the Supreme Court ruled in favor of gay marriage that it seemed like there was a cultural shift.

overview: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neil_Gaiman#Sexual_assault_and_misconduct_allegations

some reporting: https://www.vulture.com/article/neil-gaiman-allegations-controversy-amanda-palmer-sandman-madoc.html

note: content warning, NSFL

this is actually the main sadness I have re Gaiman, I never finished the Sandman series and I just never will now.

I know there's plenty to be said about separating the work of art from the moral judgement of the artist, but tbh it's just like a taboo, psychologically the association turns me off whether there is a rational justification for it or not.

That's wonderful!

Even if you're closeted and unable to transition, have you considered taking DHT blockers like finasteride to stop the hair loss?

Hang in there, I hope your conditions change so you are able to transition soon 💛

the body be like:

I wish I could upvote this more than once.

Lemmy can't resist a good bean joke, can they?

I think "inclusive" in the context of a women-only community means it's a women's space that doesn't exclude lesbians and trans women (or other LGBT+ folks who feel they belong in a women-only space, like some enbies and so on).