Spyke

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Folks of Lemmy, what would you like for all your sexual partners to know/understand?

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Heavily doubling down on everything you say here!

I am big, too, and that DOES NOT MEAN I AM NOT GENTLE!

Those who know me close, of course, know me as a cuddly and kind and gentle person; girlfriend knows more about it, including sexual stuff, and loves me for that, to which I am very grateful.

Interesting you mentioned your wife drove to see you - I just recently came back from seeing my girl, around 700 miles away, and finally, October to November, she will be able to move in with me. You just added some bright hopes :)

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Folks with a vagina, how does vaginal penetration compare to anal penetration?

Cis guy here.

As per penetrating anus/vagina, the sensations are similar but not quite the same. I'd say I actually prefer vaginal penetration more - while vaginas are somewhat less tight, that's not necessarily a bad thing, and in my case my dick is better stimulated with a vagina.

As per the description of sensations, I feel like they can be described in a similar way, and generally it's like your dick is in a warm wet cushion, but the one that also grips the dick and stimulates it well. But anal is a bit rougher and harder and more "meaty", and vaginal is a bit softer and actually "cushion-y" (both are generally soft and comfy though).

As per being anally fucked, it feels...interesting. Like, the strapon/dildo (didn't try actual penis) isn't felt as precisely as it would be if you grip it with your hand, and it rather feels like a sensation of fullness, of something inside causing you to feel good in the general area of it, and sending impulses straight to the penis, as well as getting sensations in the prostate area similar to when you consciously try to make your penis harder/do kegel exercises. Something along these lines.

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Couples with big difference in sexual drive, how do you get along?

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While not having sex regularly may indeed be a sort of neglect for the powerful love language, forcing yourself to have it rings of abuse.

Besides, I simply don't enjoy it if my partner is not enthusiastic - and I know when she isn't as she tried this before.

This is pretty much why I look into options on how to improve things on either side.

As per monogamy - I feel that to most this is not a matter of limitation per se, but something about feeling special, being the only person allowed to something sacred. And from that perspective, I love the fact she's monogamous and respect that she expects the same for me. While she may not be the most sexually active partner on the planet, she still enjoys knowing it's her who gets the prize.

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Couples with big difference in sexual drive, how do you get along?

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Just because she doesn’t need it or think about it doesn’t mean she doesn’t enjoy it when it happens

True! She does enjoy actual sex, but often finds it hard to initiate, to get to that edge after which primal takes over.

We do have a lot of communication, and I make sure to share love without always preying on her lol. Though it gets complicated sometimes - regardless of her drive.

I also focus on her pleasure and reduce her anxieties about the receptive role as she often looked at sex as a sort of chore to please the man.

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Where do *you* meet sexual partners?

Only monogamous relationship for me, yeah.

I did try other options, friends with benefits and stuff, but nothing actually compares to me, not even close, with the partner who intimately knows me, cares about me on all levels, and knows of all the things that turn me on.

Besides, sex in relationships is a continuation of a deeper feeling, a way to express love and a special kind of gentleness. Yeah, I'd say sex is very romantic to me.

But nothing bad with other options if you're into it! Monogamous folks are often portrayed as boring puritans who tell people what to do, so I'll stress that - you do you, but my drive works this way. And boy can monogamous sex get kinky...

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Folks of Lemmy, what would you like for all your sexual partners to know/understand?

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I have nothing against sex being "dirty, smelly, awkward, weird, funny, and stupid". I'm all for a natural passion that is not a refined picture, nor am I all puritan. In fact, I'd very much allow her to use my toothbrush and pillow should she want it (hot if I think about it), but I'd rather give her what pleases her best :D

I know someone has been there before, I just don't need to be reminded of that with items that were actively used in such process. And yeah, as a fairly monogamous keeper, I'd rather not have someone after unless there's a good reason for us to break up.

Also, yes, on your point, "no" means "no", and I'd rather have other words from her should we go full BDSM. This would otherwise introduce a lot of anxiety about hurting her, even if it's CNC.

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Couples with big difference in sexual drive, how do you get along?

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True!

Though I'm very worried about the fact that such a switch often comes as a slippery slope. It sure takes a LOT of communication and reassurance to get going, and if something isn't done just right, it can collapse the relationship altogether, rotting mutual trust. The anxiety about this alone may actually ruin any sort of practical realization on my end.

Besides, I'm not sure I can find all that many people so sexy in the first place. There are things I want to try which are not possible with her, like, the simplest of things, trying an actual dick, but I'd be hard pressed to find someone I'd be horny enough for. With all my drive, I'm quite sexually loyal, it seems.

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Folks of Lemmy, what would you like for all your sexual partners to know/understand?

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Yeah, had to mention vibrators or something else that was exclusively used on her is generally fine.

To be clear - this is not a sign of insecurity, not retroactive jealousy, either. This is just a simple wish to not interact with anything sexual used by the other guy I never chose to be intimate with and who can be gross to me, even if this is a pack of otherwise separate condoms. Like, it's not hard or expensive to replace - just buy a damn pack at the nearest pharmacy - and regardless of how much your partner cares, you won't lose anything either way. And I feel like I'm not the only person in the world caring for such matters.

I feel like as much as we try to make it less of a deal, this is just innately uncomfortable for many - not through insecurities it's often written off to, but rather through the nature of the intimate, of the highly personal. I want for our sex life to be ours alone in all aspects, not because someone else was "better" - I seem to be good and skillful and attractive - but because they, for all their previous experience with her, are not invited.

Also, heavily agree on vague answers and signs that partner is pressured. This is a no-go.

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Do you find genitals attractive?

Yes, I find genitals generally the most sexual part of a human body, no matter dick or vagina.

Though different people have different preferences. As a general rule of thumb among the people I know, men are much more likely to find genitals and breasts in particular attractive, and women more commonly enjoy the visualization or fantasies of what is actually done with less regard to what is shown, and more commonly find more explicit images to be quite meh or a turn off. But there are indeed exceptions to both.

Also, shaven.