to preface: i cannot make food to save my life (i need to learn, i know). i have no idea if anything edible can be made from the provided ingredients.
this partly exists as a reminder to everyone complaining under FauxPseudo's last challenge post that you, too, can make posts here; it is not meant to be a slight against FauxPseudo, who's just trying to provide fun content for the community.
you are on the set of The Great British Bake Off, and have access to every appliance and utensil there. you're here to cook.
the time limit is 4 hours. after that, you must present what you have made to judges Paul Hollywood and Nigella Lawson, who will make fun of you if it's bad.
(not actually. but pretend you had 4 hours to prepare this meal, and that i could afford the judges.)
your ingredients are:
a dozen bagels
10 bars of dark chocolate
17 chilli peppers
15 mini babybel cheese snacks
8 egg yolks
3 boxes of pancake mix
a bag of tuna floss
a jug of milk
a bottle of rapeseed oil
a large block of pink salt
one strawberry.
all listed ingredients must be used to some degree, and you can't add any more. you're allowed to have leftovers as long as everything's used once.
i haven't provided exact measurements (partly because i'm writing this to procrastinate university work and don't have time for that) so please assume reasonable quantities for each.
The cat is orange, and has a blank expression with squinting eyes. All four of its limbs are outstretched, and its tail is curled up. It is centered on the page.
Page 2 has two more paragraphs:
"I won't describe it any more
aside from the alternate text in the full transcription,
which you may have just heard
This seemed like the best way to do it
the script stands on its own just fine
without any additional details
and I thought you should hear it alone, first.
-
There is nothing on the other pages except words
just so you know.
You could argue that goes for this one, too."
Page 3 has three spaced out paragraphs, and the first two are broken into multiple lines:
"And so, this is the final page
before this begins for real.
What comes later? More posts like this
that are less meta.
When is later?
In weeks to months
knowing me.
-
What is this?
Where can I put it? Does it belong somewhere?
What does it count as?
Poetry? A comic? ASCII art?
All? None?
-
I don't know,
but these are words
and there will be whimsy."
The words "I don't know" in the last paragraph are closer to the middle compared to the rest of the paragraph, which is right-aligned.
:::
::: spoiler Additional Commentary (aka a lot of yapping that i'd like you to read)
hi! it's about time i make something of substance, and lemmy seems like the best place to do it.
i wrote some poems a while back, with the intention to turn them into this kinda thing and post them here later.
this test post exists for two reasons:
to ask about accessibility. as the original form of these is poetry, i thought to present that on it's own first, then the full transcript, then the rest of the post's images, then this commentary. it's important i get this right now, since there will be more visual stuff in later instalments.
should i be adding proper alt text for each image, or is this good enough?
does it matter for screenreaders that the transcriptions are at the top, or could i keep them lower down next to this commentary without issue?
spoiler tags on lemmy seem to ignore single new lines, so i used dashes to seperate the paragraphs instead. is there a better way to do this?
to ask where i should post this series to. i intend to always share these here (![email protected]) as penance for continually breaking the rule by lurking, though i'd like to crosspost it elsewhere (unless that breaks the transcripts...). ![email protected] seems like a good candidate, but what about communities like ![email protected]? or ![email protected]? as i said, i don't know what this counts as. it's not even ASCII art, technically; i sometimes use unicode symbols like ellipsis.
also going to use this post to shoutout my two major inspirations for this series:
Luke Humphris, who makes animated short videos with slice-of-life writing that i will be shamelessly imitating for a lot of these. he has some one-offs and a few ongoing series, one of which he's currently turning into a TTRPG. you can find his work here: https://linktr.ee/lukehumphris
Stone Story RPG, a PC/mobile game that uses ASCII graphics. originally, these would've been in a more traditional webcomic style or pixelart, but it hit me at some point that i love how this game looks, and i wanted to try something new. the gameplay loop is simple, and there are very occasionally ads (at least on mobile), but it's a good time killer, and it gives you a full-on programming language as a late-game unlock. see more about it here: https://stonestoryrpg.com/
feeling nervous now i've put all this effort in that this post is gonna get no traction, or the formatting's broken, or... whatever! i enjoy the process, so i'm gonna keep making my art until it means something to someone.
:::
::: spoiler Image Transcription
One of every Joker from the game Balatro in a specific order with labelled categories. Each Joker has a number that refers to its position.
Jokers 1 to 10 are in a category named "The Bluestorm Machine". They are Blueprint, Hallucination, Perkeo, Cartomancer, Burnt Joker, DNA, Triboulet, Mail-In Rebate, Hiker, and Brainstorm.
Jokers 11 and 12 are in a category named "In-Hand Chips Jokers". They are Scary Face and Odd Todd.
Jokers 13 and 14 are in a category named "In-Hand Chips & Mult Jokers". They are Scholar and Walkie-Talkie.
Jokers 15 to 20 are in a category named "In-Hand Mult Jokers". They are Even Steven, Smiley Face, Wrathful Joker, Lusty Joker, Gluttonous Joker, and Greedy Joker.
Jokers 21 and 22 are in a category named "PHOTOCHAD". They are Photograph and Hanging Chad.
The face of Glass Joker can be seen through the hole in the Hanging Chad.
Jokers 23 to 29 are in a category named "Flat Chips Jokers". They are Ice Cream, Sly Joker, Wily Joker, Clever Joker, Devious Joker, Crafty Joker, and Stuntman.
Jokers 30 to 34 are in a category named "Scaling Flat Chips Jokers". They are Banner, Blue Joker, Runner, Square Joker, and Wee Joker.
Jokers 35 to 45 are in a category named "Flat Mult Jokers". They are Half Joker, Misprint, Ride the Bus, Popcorn, Gros Michel, Jolly Joker, Zany Joker, Mad Joker, CrazyJoker, Droll Joker, and Mystic Summit.
Jokers 46 to 51 are in a category named "Scaling Flat Mult Jokers". They are Green Joker, Red Card, Supernova, Fortune Teller, Swashbuckler, and Abstract Joker.
Jokers 52 to 56 are in a category named "Uncommon Scaling Flat Mult Jokers". They are Bootstraps, Flash Card, Spare Trousers, Erosion, and Ceremonial Dagger.
Jokers 57 to 63 are in a category named "Econ Jokers That Do Something". They are Egg, Gift Card, To Do List, Faceless Joker, Cloud 9, Delayed Gratification, and Golden Joker.
The To-Do List Joker has been edited slightly to make it more clear that the list on it spells out "JOKER" vertically.
Joker 64 is in a category named "Matador". It is Matador.
Jokers 65 and 66 are in a category named "NASA". They are Satellite and Rocket.
Jokers 67 to 71 are in a category named "The New York Stock Exchange". They are To the Moon, Golden Ticket, Credit Card, Reserved Parking, and Business Card.
Jokers 72 and 73 are in a category named "Now Playing: Tears for Fears - Mad World". They are Pareidolia and Riff-Raff.
Jokers 74 and 75 are in a category named "ROSCOSMOS". They are Space Joker and Astronomer.
Jokers 76 and 77 are in a category named "I spilled my soda :(". They are Diet Cola and Splash.
Jokers 78 to 89 are in a category named "Show and Tell". They are Luchador, Trading Card, Vagabond, 8 Ball, Sixth Sense, Séance, Showman, Oops! All 6s, Mr. Bones, Midas Mask, Marble Joker, and Certificate.
Jokers 90 to 95 are in a category named "Mr Bean and the Handy Bandits". They are Burglar, Troubadour, Drunkard, Juggler, Merry Andy, and Turtle Bean.
Jokers 96 to 99 are in a category named "POV: u lose ur quantum entangled glasses in the middle of Straight Flush City". They are Superposition, Smeared Joker, Four Fingers, and Shortcut.
Jokers 100 to 106 are in a category named "Fibonacci's Cool Artifact Collection". They are Fibbonacci, Arrowhead, Bloodstone, Onyx Agate, Rough Gem, Ancient Joker, and The Idol.
Jokers 107 to 110 are in a category named "Now Playing: Daft Punk - One More Time". They are Seltzer, Hack, Dusk, and Sock and Buskin.
Jokers 111 to 113 are in a category named "The High Court". They are Mime, Shoot the Moon, and Baron.
Jokers 114 to 116 are in a category named "Uncommon Scaling Flat Mult Jokers Who Feel Very Lost". They are Castle, Bull, and Stone Joker.
Jokers 117 to 126 are in a category named "Madness and The Mult Multing Jokers That I Want It To Eat Because They're Bad / Edible". They are Madness, Obelisk, Vampire, Loyalty Card, Joker Stencil, Flower Pot, Seeing Double, Blackboard, Ramen, and Cavendish.
Jokers 127 to 129 are in a category named "Mult Multing Jokers That I Want To Survive". They are Card Sharp, Acrobat, and Driver's License.
Jokers 130 to 134 are in a category named "The Reunion". They are The Duo, The Trio, The Family, The Order, and The Tribe.
Jokers 135 to 144 are in a category named "Scaling Mult Multing Jokers". They are Throwback, Hit The Road, Hologram, Steel Joker, Campfire, Lucky Cat, Glass Joker, Constellation, Canio, and Yorick.
Hanging Chad can be seen behind the Glass Joker because it's transparent.
Joker 145 is in a category named "idk where to put this". It is Raised Fist.
Jokers 146 and 147 are in a category named "Your Weird Uncle and His Life's Savings". They are Chaos the Clown and Baseball Card.
Joker 148 is in a category named "The Rock". It is Invisible Joker.
Joker 149 is in a category named "Jimbo". It is Joker.
Barely visible under the category name, "(Jimbussy)" is written.
Joker 150 is in a category named "THRONE OF THE GOAT". It is Chicot.
.
:::
Yes I know, Cartomancer and Hiker should be to the right of the flat mult because Baseball Card makes both give x1.5 mult - I made the decision early on that it's better to have them in The Bluestorm Machine so that their effects can be more easily copied, and it would take way too much effort to rearrange them now.
I'm tempted to make another version of this that ignores Baseball Card entirely so that other uncommmons could be to the left of the flat mult, but again, I (should) value my time, and I don't think Uncle Chaos would approve anyway.
For those who think the image transcription made this post too legible, here's the whole thing reformatted as one long, extremely compressed image instead:
