That's an improvement over the delivery drivers that yeet my package over my fence

Pretty sure this post is referring to the band HEALTH. Some of my favorites are STONEFIST, CHILDREN OF SORROW, and Major Crimes. They may or may not fit the definition of "metal", but they are bangers.

Can't be, they didn't mention anything about horses and hands.

You could've stopped before that last sentence...

It's okay brother, Sonic will take care of you

Dust is lucky, getting blown so much

Look at them bear titties!

It puts the holy water on the skin, or else it gets the demons again!

That's maybe the most helpful and positive thing I've seen on a shitpost. And honestly, I needed to hear some of that, so thank you.

Catnip, not even once