Welcome to !mensmentalhealth. I’m very new to managing an online community so bear with me. I saw a need and having dealt with my own issues, as well as many saying they wished such an area existed in Lemmy, I thought I’d get this going.

Check out the sidebar for the rules. For now they’re ripped mostly from other areas I’ve seen online. I’m happy to keep things going but may enlist / ask for help should that need arise. I’m also acutely aware of the sensitive nature of these sorts of discussions. So while “don’t be a dick” is rule #5 it’s most certainly at the forefront of my mind.

As the title states, all constructive comments are welcome. Have at it and I hope this helps out anyone who may need it.

Disclaimer: I’m nowhere near a mental health professional, just a random guy on the internet. My expertise is very techy so I won’t even pretend to give any medical advice. At best you’ll get tidbits on personal experience. I hope that folks with real & useful things to say will poke their heads in here to speak from time to time.

It's been 4 or 5 months since I lost the love of my life that I spent over a decade with and I feel like it happened yesterday. I cannot, for any reason, go more than 5 minutes without thinking about her. I don't see the light. I don't see anything in this world that brings me joy or expect to ever again. Sometimes it feels like every day that passes I get worse instead of better. I'm laying in my new house and I should be happy to have so many people that support me and the fact that I even have a house to begin with, but instead I'm just looking at my pistols. I feel like I want out, and I don't know what's kept me from doing it so far, because all I do is cry and want to sleep and feel like shit. I work, I go home, I stare at YouTube videos my brain isn't even actually processing because I'm just thinking about her. Even at the gym my brain just won't get off of it. Even at work it doesn't stop. I'm just so tired and I don't remember the last time I genuinely smiled from being happy about anything, every new day feels like Mt Everest without a Sherpa. I've had other very difficult breakups, but they don't even show up on the chart next to the pain I'm feeling every day from this one.

I'm just so fucking tired.

Edit: I'm at work and can't respond to everyone right now, but I still wanted to read the comments. I really appreciate you Internet strangers, even if I don't really feel better right now, it's fucking cool that you people are trying to help someone you'll likely never meet. ❤️

Edit 2: I've been moving after every 8 hour shift at work (I work Friday through Tuesday) and I'm so tired and overwhelmed, I will eventually respond to every one of you kind souls!

At Bella’s Hacienda Ranch, a brothel on the outskirts of the rural Nevada truckstop town of Wells, a half-priced special for adult male virgins this May has gone off with a bang.

What may seem like a publicity stunt has compassion behind it. May is Mental Health Awareness Month in the US, and the brothel’s 74-year-old namesake owner and operator, Madam Bella Cummins, wants to raise awareness of what she describes as a “virginity epidemic”. She blames digital platforms supplanting young people’s in-person, “IRL” experiences, leading to stunted social development. Brothels, she argues, offer a safe space to work through resulting feelings of anxiety, shame and isolation.

...

There is evidence that adult virginity and sexual inexperience are on the rise in the US, Canada and other western countries, according to Marie-Aude Boislard, director of the Canada Research Chair in developmental sexology. Approximately 15% of individuals born in the 1990s are virgins in their early 20s, the highest rate of sexual inactivity since 1985. Many report “difficult emotions” and interpersonal struggles due to social stigma, the dearth of visibility of sexual inexperience in adulthood and a lack of intimacy.

I've started running (because I needed to do something) and I've motivated myself by paying for a 11km run (and I'm not wasting that good money I paid!).

I'm now able to run 3.4km without breaks. I've never been able to run like this before, so it took a while to get to that point, but it feels great.

It's super hard to motivate myself so I had a few tricks to get me outside and then it's just a matter of moving over the same easily achievable route until I'm home, and it doesn't take too long or feel like too much.

I highly recommend doing this, even if it's just brisk walking a couple km. Get a podcast or youtube video playing, zone out and move your legs.

Question in the title…

At age 16, against my normal nature , I've asked out my then crush who was my schoolmate.

(In retrospect, it was only sexual attraction, cause her personality was abysmal..)

I say "ask out" but it was one of the childish "wanna be my gf" sort of thing. I didn't have (nor do I have now) "game".
My only valid pretense for hanging with her , and not actually planning a date, was studying together for tests.

Neverthelesss, the excitement and the rush after she showed interest in me was overwhelming , and I spiraled out of control.
I became clingy , needed and over the top in love.

It all came crashing down when I saw her avoiding me while looking afraid and creeped out.
That face is burned into my retina, and all I can think about when I even think about stepping into that arena again.

I'm 31 now, still painfully alone - but with the added bonus of feeling like expired milk and overrun with anxiety and depression.

I'm telling myself again and again that I'm doing the best with the cards I've been dealt with , and partnership or intimacy is just not one of those cards.
I try to keep busy and focus on work - because one moment of boredom sends me to a variety of really dark places.

I know that some day the pattern of eat-sleep-job-repeat won't be enough, but I'm repressing that thought like hell right now.

Thank you guys for creating this sub BTW, much needed.

I’m on vacation so I don’t have time to devote to a proper sidebar, icons, etc until next week. So for now talk about men’s mental health issues, and don’t be a dick. That’s all.