It burns when I don’t pee.

Take a warm bath then go to the doctor. This is above our pay grade.

You're trying to mask this cry for help through a shitpost, or is this really a shitpost?

Sorry, you're a barbarian. Maybe try chewing some willow bark and, oh, I don't know... how about nettle tea? I'm sure that will do something or other. By the way, have you considered a good bloodletting?

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3370320/

Knowing that this is Zodd, it probably burns others.

You probably got it from the toilet seat

firehose