Good boy.

Usually you don't wish an onion article was real life

I would unironically vote for some dog or cat over 99.99999999999999% of humanity at this point if given the option.

“That son-of-a-bitch burst through the door into my office like a bat out of hell. He immediately set his teeth to my left calf and would not let go for what felt like an eternity,” said the outraged McHenry. “As I howled in pain, that damn dog leapt onto my desk and seized the House gavel. ‘No you don’t! Drop it! Drop it!’ I yelled as I turned quickly to grab the other end. We then began to engage in a rancorous tug-of-war; one that continued for nearly 10 minutes. Ultimately, he bested me and took off, gavel in mouth"

Here, here.

Give Commander a Medal!

It sounds like a pretty ruff deal tbh

At this point they likely would vote for him if he does that.

Usually these headlines don't actually make me laugh out loud but this one pulled it off.

The presidential veneers finally came into play!