It's a little frightening.
"Florida Man commands people sell their possessions and follow him into the hills swamps"
"Florida Man puts mud into blind person's eyes."
"Florida Man Found in giant box with animals from the zoo after surviving the huricane. 40 days at sea."
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Florida man tells his daughter’s fiancé to collect a hundred foreskins before they can get married.
Winner so far imo!
“Second Florida man brought 200 instead.”
Florida Man kicked out of public garden after stealing apples from a protected tree.
Tells police his wife convinced him to do it after she had "taken bad advice from a snake".
I rarely hear of snakes giving good advice.
Florida Man abducts two of every animal and shoves them in his homemade boat.
Probably one of these
First read this as “shaves them” and didn’t remember that from the original story.
they were bored, okay?
Florida man offers his daughters to angry mob to protect his buddy
[…] daughters intoxicate, rape him in ensuing chaos
Florida man claims wife turned into (bath) salts
Florida Man Curses Fig Tree for Refusing to Bear Fruit Out of Season
Florida man distributes bootleg wine to crowd.
Florida man turned pastor eaten by whale
I think it would be more correct to say Florida man tuned pastor after being eaten by whale.
Florida man lives in whale
Florida in whale
Florida Manwhale
Manwell? There's a client for you!
Whale mans Florida
florida whale eats man-turned-pastor
Florida man claims wife is sister to entrap thirsty, high-ranking official. At least twice.
“Alabama man saved from Florida man’s entrapment because he couldn’t get it up.”
And that's how we know that she WASN'T Alabama Man's sister!
Official subsequently infected with (possibly sexually transmitted) skin disease
Florida man breaks quarantine to host gathering of people suffering from highly contagious disease.
Florida Man tell people to throw babies in Nile.
Florida man splits a lake in two with a stick and guides tourists through it
Florida Man has rib stolen, claims it turned into another person
"Florida man chops up his mistress after she's raped to death and mails the pieces to his friends"
WTF? I don't recall that one.
Levite's concubine. It's actually so fucked up that I had to tone down and oversimplify it to make it just barely fit into a "Florida man" headline.
Florida man claims bush talked to him after setting fire to it
Aactually, there's a kind of shrub on there hills that tends to set itself aflame.
Florida man begets arson in neighbouring city after claiming 'it is too gay'
Florida man orchestrates subordinate's death so he can marry the widow
The story of Lot is definitely set in Florida.
Before bedtime, Florida Men both young and old and from every part of Sodom surrounded Lot’s house. They called to Lot, “Where are the two men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us so we can have sexual relations with them.”
Also
One day the older daughter said to the younger, “Our father is old. Everywhere on the earth Florida Women and Florida Men marry, but there are no Florida Men around here for us to marry. Let’s get our father drunk and have sexual relations with him. We can use him to have children and continue our family.”
Florida man turns water into wine… in prison. With ketchup packets.
Florida man harasses bitcoin traders at prosperity gospel church, sentenced to death
Florida man pranks friends by pretending to be dead for 3 days.
Florida man puts God in a headlock; demands blessing.
I find this really triggering. This is cultural appropriation of the worst kind.
I think you might need to explain.
Are you upset that I’m mocking the Bible?
No, no. You are appropriating Florida man lore.
I betcha wouldn't go doing Minnesota Nice jokes around.
BTW, I don't need to explain myself. I might be kind enough to do it, but I am under no obligation.
Oh, and I only answer to god. (lower case g, in case this needs explaining too).
Florida woman cuts off foreskin of child, rubs it in Florida Man's feet.
Florida Man says he is a ghost, and God.
Florida Man denies claiming he's a ghost and a god but expects you to say it
Govt. made a deal with the church: 300 years dead Florida priest is also god.
Florida Man completely debilitated after mullet cut off. Files for Disability.
FLORIDA MAN OVERDOSES ON ERGOT; CLAIMS TO SEE ZOMBIE GOD
Florida man genuinely did nothing wrong but the world seems to detest him; friends convinced that it's his own fault
Florida man caught hoarding animals in large boat
Florida Man attempts to hide evidence of corruption by flooding basement.
Florida man drugged and sexually assaulted by his own daughters.
Florida man smacks pet talking donkey, talking donkey explains that it was trying to tell him about the/an invisible angel of death blocking their path.
Florida man besieged by local mob, suggested they rape his virgin daughters instead of his dinner guests.
Florida man harassed by local children for his baldness, summons bears, 42 children killed.
Wow, this triggered a long buried memory aboit Pyrion Flax discussing the bear story on the podcast. It sounded like a fever dream.
it kinda makes too much sense
Florida man takes the animals from all islands on the globe and keeps them on a big boat w/o food and water, and later returns them to their devastated lands and they all died.
Well yeah, makes perfect sense