In the near future, a man called Harley Davidson travels from Texas to Burbank, California to reconnect with his old friend Robert Lee "Marlboro Man" Edison at their old haunt; Rock & Roll Bar & Grille. Their mutual friend Jack Daniels holds animosity towards Harley over an affair he and his now-wife Lulu had years prior. The bar has fallen on hard times, and the Great Trust Bank threatened foreclosure, planning to demolish the building to make way for a skyscraper. Harley and Robert convince Jack to help them rob one of the Bank's armored cars to collect the funds necessary to renew the building's lease. The robbery is successful. However, upon escaping, they discover the loot they stole contains not money, but "Crystal Dream," a new, experimental street drug.
The bank's head of security Alexander is ordered by CEO Chance Wilder to recover the drugs and kill the thieves. Meanwhile, Robert is pulled over for speeding by a motorcycle cop, his ex-lover Virginia Slim. The two have sex that night, despite her being engaged. Harley takes Virginia to breakfast the next morning, during which she says that Crystal Dream is 100% addictive and causes lasting neurological damage and, eventually, death. Robert, fuming about Virginia's upcoming marriage, steals her fiancé's motorcycle. He and Harley go to the bank's headquarters and talk to Wilder via telephone. They demand $2.5 million in exchange for the drugs. Wilder agrees to have someone meet them that night in the airplane graveyard for the exchange. Alexander shows up with the money and the transfer goes off successfully. That night, while they hang out in the bar's back room celebrating, Marlboro is suspicious of the ease of the exchange. Alexander and his men then show up. Watching through a one-way mirror, the owner tries to convince them that the gang is not there. Alexander walks away as if to leave, but then turns around and shoots him. They open fire in the room behind the mirror; Harley and Marlboro are the only ones who escape alive.
The two retreat to the nearby airport and hide in the baggage compartment of a plane. They escape to Las Vegas, where they check into a hotel, only to be tracked down by Alexander. The two escape to the hotel's roof and jump off into a swimming pool. Harley realizes that they have been tracked with a device hidden in the dollar coin given to them by Alexander. The two hop a freight train headed east after deactivating the tracker, but Marlboro leaves after telling Harley that they owe it to the dead friends who helped them to return to LA and settle things. Harley refuses to go and Marlboro jumps off the train. Harley has a change of heart and catches up with Marlboro. They reactivate the tracker in the coin to lure Alexander's squad back to the airplane graveyard. On their way there, tensions arise between Alexander and the gang's pilot, Thom. The villains locate the money briefcase but find it empty, except for the dollar coin inside, and a gunfight ensues. Marlboro manages to take out Alexander's remaining men, before he is subdued by the latter. However, Harley overcomes his aiming problems and shoots Alexander dead.
The duo offers Thom some cash to switch sides and take them to Wilder's office. They return the drug money and demand he change the lease on the bar, but Marlboro can't get himself to kill the unarmed kingpin before a pair of guards comes his rescue. Wilder orders the heroes killed, when Thom appears through the window in his chopper. He activates a cannon concealed under the aircraft, mowing down Wilder's goons and tearing down his office, before waving his former employer goodbye. A dismayed Wilder insults Marlboro's dead father, finally causing the cowboy to retaliate. Wilder is left dangling out of the broken window, holding onto Marlboro's disintegrating cowboy boot. Harley helps him out, the boot comes apart and Wilder falls to his death. Marlboro and Harley part ways at a rodeo, where Marlboro is riding a bull. As Harley rides away, he picks up a female hitchhiker.
I wonder how much cocaine was involved in the production of this movie. I can imagine marketing execs absolutely geeked out going ‘and his girlfriend, she can be Virginia Slim!’
I read the first paragraph, and genuinely cannot tell if you're trolling me, if the movie studio is trolling me, or if big business was trolling the movie industry. I involuntarily stopped reading. My brain was like "NOPE! SHUT IT DOWN! NUH-UH! NOT DOIN' THIS SHIT!" and just completely refused to let me read any further.
Lately I've taken to seeing the world around me, and saying "We live in the dumbest timeline", but seeing this, and knowing it's from 1991, it shows me that we've ALWAYS lived in the dumbest timeline. I think if I tried watching this movie, my brain would have an aneurysm. I just can't with that movie. No. No. No no no.
deep breath
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Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man (1991) | Spyke
4 replies
Wait....is that a real movie???
its Butch Cassidy and Sundance Kid but with product placement. Everyone phones it in and there's Big John Studd.
From wikipedia:
I wonder how much cocaine was involved in the production of this movie. I can imagine marketing execs absolutely geeked out going ‘and his girlfriend, she can be Virginia Slim!’
I read the first paragraph, and genuinely cannot tell if you're trolling me, if the movie studio is trolling me, or if big business was trolling the movie industry. I involuntarily stopped reading. My brain was like "NOPE! SHUT IT DOWN! NUH-UH! NOT DOIN' THIS SHIT!" and just completely refused to let me read any further.
Lately I've taken to seeing the world around me, and saying "We live in the dumbest timeline", but seeing this, and knowing it's from 1991, it shows me that we've ALWAYS lived in the dumbest timeline. I think if I tried watching this movie, my brain would have an aneurysm. I just can't with that movie. No. No. No no no.
deep breath