Sleep in an alien costume.
So I had an idea for a new method of security. A bulletproof alien costume pajama set. Here's how it works. You put on this full body pajama that's also bulletproof, and also made to look like an alien costume. And it pairs with an alien sleeping mask.
So now, when someone breaks into your house, the lights come on, they see this alien looking thing. It confuses them. "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT???"
Either they run in fear, or the confusion gives you the advantage for a second or too. Enough time to fire a gun, or swing a bat. The point is, he'll be confused as hell for a second or two, while you won't be. You'll just be starting your attack from the getgo.
And in the event that he reaches for a gun, the alien suit is bulletproof. Just don't get shot in the head. I can't picture a bulletproof sleeping mask.
19 replies
I'm just going to wear the bulletproof alien pajamas when I break into people's houses then.
You fiend!
uh sounds a little warm to sleep in
Make it waterproof, and pee in it while sleeping. Liquid cooling!
so like a stillsuit? I dunno haha, I like the feeling of air on my skin I always sleep with a fan on. I suppose like if the air was toxic and I had to then I would do that but nope
I think a stillsuit has... tubes to collect the water before they pool in your suit. So not quite that orificeally invasive.
well then I definitely don't want it :P lol
Exactly, my suggestion doesn't need no stinking tubes.
Sorry, I was implying I wanted the tubes
Grab a couple straws from your nearest coffee shop!
bullet proof jacket with arms is about $600, pants about $500, helmet $700, face mask $300 (that's if you believe the claims that they work. If you need to actually take a bullet in these things I'd double the cost).
So about $3000-6000 to sleep every night in a back-breaking, neck-wrenching set of 300lb gear in the hope of playing a practical joke on a complete stranger that means you harm.
Perhaps practice by wearing motorcycle leathers and a helmet to bed first?
Then the statistics on home invasion - not only do you need to be one of the 0.2% of people whose home is broken into, but one of the 1/3 of home invasions that happen at night (most happen in the day), and one of the 1/10 that actually require a window or a door broken or forced (most happen because a door is left unlocked) and one of the 1/10 that last longer than a simple grab-the-things-left-exposed, and then one of the 40% where the intruder is armed and the 17% where the intruder is armed with a gun.
so you have a 0.0000519228% chance of this happening.
that's a pretty cuh-razy idea, huh Josh
Imagine a mask made out of the same material as the bulletproof pajamas
If I could afford that, I'd just sleep in a bulletproof fursuit. It would have the same effect.
I'm not sure a horny home invader is the same effect. It might be the desired effect though, I'm not judging.
Imagine the terror as I slowly walk toward them wearing a dog costume with a horse cock strap on bouncing with each step, shrugging off bullets fired at me, giggling and saying "uwu! that tickles!" in a high pitched baby voice.
Dude why. It's too early for me to bleach my brain.
At least I know you ain't gonna rob me.
Well not on purpose anyway. You're gonna have to give me your home address for me to actually avoid it on my next midnight shopping trip.
I just discovered this community with this post.
This is not a crazy idea.
This is a brilliant idea.
The one issue is it would not be very comfortable to sleep in. And you would want good ventilation in the mask.