Oh, eight inches is too small for you? Yea, me too bro. I need my mommy or sister or aunt or other female family member to have a minimum of fourteen THICK inches between their legs to even begin to get hard myself. I tell ya, this is truly a cruel world. The only way God could be crueler to the human form was to make you, personally, not me, you, a pedophile. THAT SURE WOULD SUCK BALLS, AMIRITE?!?!

…so, do you know why I do things this way, creating generally large and sometimes larger masses of text containing some particularly enlightening information in the middle but start them off with some insane, unappealing bullshit? This is consciously done, as in, I thought about this for about six seconds twelve years ago and based a huge chunk of my educational art project around the systemic effects I would create. Then six years ago I figured out how to generate 100k views on my Reddit profile per day through skillful trolling. The secret is incestuous necrophilia!

Who woulda thunk? No, I mean, I knew people like to crane their heads to gawk at the trainwreck, and I have a naturally dark, shocking sense of humor, so I started off by trying to amass as much internet traffic as possible. And I learned over the years things about conversion funnels and attention coordination and where psychology and sociology overlap to then apply them to thus find all the attention in the world was on me all of a sudden, and it freaked me out, mainly cuz it caught the FBI's attention. Y'know, my sex cult built around incestuous necrophilia that I was posting 24/7 about on meth while homeless in Miami Beach? Yea, that got the FBI's attention, which ultimately broke the spell the CIA put me under.

Hard to explain without just retelling you my book, which I tell you now, as someone who has been clean from meth and all illegal drugs for three years except some random mushrooms that grew in the drainage ditch outside my apartment complex, that book is a doozy for two reasons:

I am an insane person

I wrote every single word of it on meth

But, the thing you need to understand, while amphetamines definitely make me go loopy, I definitely do have an undiagnosed form of ADHD that cannot be diagnosed with my insurance because I have “meth” in my chart and thus I am a stinky sewer person in my doctor's opinion. However, amphetamines don't produce a euphoria, and I can sit still and just write for hours on end. I genuinely do not want to do them again because they did make me depressed and dependent on them, but I tell you all this to tell you that [Redacted] from my book, who I generally refer to as Jux, once told me about the rare form of ADHD that often gets mistaken for schizophrenia that he has, and years later the captain of our band talked to me about something similar.

So, there's that. But, what I was getting to was how I have intentionally taken a step back from trying to get famous to actively run away from seeking fame by deliberately ensuring a significant number of people outright write me off as a crackhead of no value, which additionally helps my state-sponsored educational art project (cuz education is our greatest crime-prevention), because then only people who have developed their dopamine to not be controlled by the media brainwashing will get these messages where I tell you that we control people who cannot think for themselves because of three reasons:

They are predominantly children <26

They are the most predominant demographic to be criminals

They are the most vulnerable demographic our culture can splinter to have a charismatic cult leader grab hold of a fraction of people and create an actual sex cult of massive uh-ohs

And some of you will have read the links and understand why I'm the good guy for both facilitating the Illuminati's wishes and telling y'all what they be doing. So, now we move on outta the bun and lettuce to get to the tomato, which is me revealing that I am seriously pursuing a social life to include terminally ground-pounding all the holes of these bigger women with thermonuclear force. Like, if some skinny mini gets in my DMs, I'll break them in half, great, I don't discriminate, but I want the world to know and understand that if I do not get to use my erect genitals with some very large women of any gender, I might just start stockpiling fertilizer pellets n gasoline.

…like, they make the best noises! But here we are, in the meat of this shitpost, where I reveal the core of what I've been thinking of over these last few weeks, having attended a Mormon Church after being invited at a highly synchronous moment only to be politely shamed in a way that freed me of all shame because their incompetence taught me the nature of this society game and how my unique cognition processes reality. Then I was called a pedophile, and by that I mean these 20yo “Elders” asked me if I wanted to meet people my own age, sent me to a QR code, and then ignored me because I was too old for them, while pretending to be inviting while cross-talking to me about my drinking, which is why they came to my door. And that just about broke my brain, and now I don't give a fuck.

I now identify as the prophet of Mormon Occultism. I have all I have written over the years as my scripture, and to proselytize my official sect of the Mormon Church, I am going to (finally) get into a stand-up comedy routine and start a podcast. And if you don't know what I just said, I said I am going to become the greatest quasi-antagonist to the Mormon Church in order to bring Mormonism to a more diverse crowd and to secular folk, and these bleach-white mother fuckers have no choice in this matter and WILL adapt their church to include me who includes them in my quest to teach the love, wisdom, and power of Jesus Christ and our Father.

And I don't just believe this will happen, because I know it will happen, because I am not going to TRY to be a prophet nor am I GOING TO BE a prophet. No, I AM A PROPHET! That is what this experience at this Mormon Church taught me. They had this, y'know, 20yo girl get up there and enthusiastically tell this full congregation that she DID NOT want to give her sermon, and then had the audacity to equate a warm drinking fountain with someone finding out they had cancer? Like, I'm flabberghasted by this shit. She said she cried because she had trouble learning negative numbers, and I understand life can be difficult to some people in ways that is not to others, but I've been homeless, taken advantage of by a cult, mentally ill, used by the CIA, lost my mom to AIDS as a child, hyper narcissist father who plowed through my new moms like I used tissues, y'know, I was offended by her fucking sermon.

THESE CHILDREN KNOW NOTHING AND THUS KNOW NOT THEY SHAMED THEIR LORD AS THAT I-why is my capslock on? That is what I learned. Audaciousness is lordliness. Because this girl made a complete ass of herself and felt fucking great afterwards. That's all it takes? If you have audacity, you don't have to be good at anything else? Well, bitch, I've been trying as hard as hard can be to be good enough for my Father, and now I learn if I just don't care, then it all works? Ok.

So, yea, I'm a prophet of the Mormon Church now. I just am. Fuck y'all, this is literally why Jesus is lord, and I'm serious. How does Jesus meet John? John eats locusts and dresses like shit. He's a homeless man, right? You got that right? And so Jesus is so audacious that he will go up to a homeless man and ask him for change. That's what the “baptism” is about.

“Will you bless me, sir?”

There's more in this passage. See, the Bible is truly written for everyone, but if you were to pick one demographic that the New Testament has been engineered around, it is Roman federal undercover police. I'll explain why that in a second, but to finish this train of thought, there's a lot of networking strategies encoded in the New Testament, the one contained in the parable of Jesus asking John to be baptized is that if you incur a debt from someone, they will seek you out, and this can be the basis of a friendship.

Now, let's talk about Roman undercover cops. Rome at night was hellah dangerous. Going out with only one guard was considered foolish, as the guard could be jumped, leaving you surrounded by fiends. Who are these fiends? There's no ID or camera back then. How to figure out who is robbing, raping, and killing? Network with them. Thus, the battle is won, for Jesus was so audacious, he intentionally went on the cross to prove he wasn't working with the state. He could show everyone the wounds he incurred unjustly and thus he was the one to first get into the criminal underworld to supplant it.

I mentioned I was picked up by the FBI doing something crazy. Yea. God told me to do what I did and do now. The night before I was picked up, someone that I knew to be trustworthy of God handed me a phone and told me it was for my mission. I figured this out a couple years after the fact, but the way things went down, the FBI used me in a parallel investigation to hide who the real snitch was.

That's why the battle is won. Christ fucking won that shit for us all, so now ain't no one as slick as they think they are. Except me of course! I'm the second cumming of Christ! I'm that lordly! I AM! I AM! I AM!

Them “am's” is the onions on the underside of the burger. But this is the bottom bun now, having said everything I want…no that's not true. I can go on and on and on about how I wish I had a feisty, devilish sister to fuck, fuck me, let me please her orally, and have her wash my penis as if we were doing something we shouldn't on college break while our step parents are in the other room. That last we can do with or without the blackmail component. And that's all I gotta say to discredit myself, cuz there's not a chance in hell some retard in Arizona works with the CIA.