Here I am, swallowed again by my own doing. As the day wakes so do I quake and crumble to tumble below the straights I've known. Adrift at sea, on a long lost frequency, it is light I wish to be. Capsized by callous selfishness, I find myself consumed by false prophets seeking profit in the mirror, and so I steer all of us who are together in this to a tomb more fitting for fools who fell freely of our will, wanting whatever never comes.

The world is so unforgiving and yet I am so fortunate. What hells must others know? I know this one that is mine and I have escapes its depths, so why do the deepest crevices within me still rule my consciousness? An ad plays, as does that part of me I grew to fight to escape the tiger in the grass. It's always running. I'm always running. It's too hot to do what I love. I must run. I must juggle. It's going to be 120 degrees next month. It's honestly not the worst, but it's hellish.

Burns on the pavement. Tried giving donuts to a man today. He didn't want them. What am I to do when I cannot pay my karmic debt. I am denied my ability to quell the daemons in my mind and heart and soul. I left the donuts at a bus stop. That's the best I could do today. When I went out for a drink at seven in the morning. Lying to get outta the house. I abstained last night. He was love last night. Now he is silent criticism. Is that true? He changes at times. I'm sure I do too, but I can't heal when love is semi-conditional.

My mom really fucked me up, dying like that. Well, she turned out better because she knew she was dying. She would have been like my father if she was healthy. She was at times when I was the worst a child can be. Y'know, I looked for and found my birthday presents. But she saved me when I didn't know I did wrong. My father was a tyrant. Is he, my life partner? Is that why I like him; he completes this complex within me? Music says he's not my friend. We are hunters. We are prey. Night and day.

I'm a lucky man. A sad man. I know the depth depth doth go. I know relativity, and I am grateful. I don't know what else I can give. I'm taking my meds, and they take my sexuality. I mean, I have a life partner, not a sexual partner. He can't be bothered. He's got bigger fights fry. Well, the fuse will go off as God tells me in kumquat. Fucking ads again. Blue raspberry. Apple. Strawberry. Fuck this shit, give me a shot and shut up while I think how my life partner's computer magickally fixed itself after I paid the shipping charge he says didn't happen last time but I know it did that I have to pay in the long term because these are loans I'm forced to take to pay for what he makes me do.