I friend told me today that he worries about me (because I live in isolation, etc.).
I friend told me today that he worries about me (because I live in isolation, etc.).
He wasn't offering help or material / moral support.
He just had big feelings & wanted to make them my problem.
I told him A) not to worry (I've got this), & B) if he does worry, don't tell me: it's a burden that weighs me down & I can't process his feelings for him.
(People do this a lot, men are the worst offenders.)
It's this or cut people out of my life at this point.
@ShaulaEvans @LonelinessCorps The difference between "I have feelings" ("Well hooray for you!") and "Do you want any help and if so, what kind?"
@NilaJones @ShaulaEvans @LonelinessCorps
I've learned, sometimes people have difficulties communicating, and when someone says what he said to you, often it's their albeit awkward way, of saying, I care.
@TrueNorthSpice @NilaJones @LonelinessCorps I'm sure you're correct.
The pattern however indexes closely to social privilege and people who feel entitled to extract emotional labour from others.
And, regardless of individual intentions, it is a problem *in aggregate*: I do not have the resources to manage people who are emotionally or socially unskillful adults. There are so many and I am so alone, so under-supported, and so tired.
Bottom line: I cannot afford people like this.
@TrueNorthSpice @NilaJones @LonelinessCorps It is also truly not my job to teach grown-ass men how to be functioning adults.
I am not their mother, their psychologist or their priest.
I need people in my life who don't take energy (or the will to live) away from me. At the very least, they need to bring a neutral energy exchange.
@ShaulaEvans @NilaJones @LonelinessCorps
It makes me feel very sad to hear you say this but that's your choice. Thanks for clarifying. Good to know.